I'm here (English Version)

Open the Door!

I'm trapped in yesterday
Where the pain is all I know

                                 Lost - Linkin Park

I definitely needed a shower that night. I could still smell the unpleasant, pungent odor of the mine on me. And I was tired, very tired. Not so much physically as mentally. That cursed place had completely drained my energy that night. My spirit was still down. All those negative emotions had stuck with me. Those were the ones I was actually trying to wash off, not so much the dirt. I opened the hot water and got under it fast! I just wanted to relax, maybe eat something, and if I didn't collapse first I would call Thomas. I hadn't been able to devote a minute to him that night, I felt guilty, I had invited him to Duskwood to meet me and he had ended up looking for a little girl in the woods too. Who knows how he was, maybe the past had come back to him too and he needed to talk to someone. I had but I didn't want to harass Phil all the time. Besides, he was at work so I really didn't want to bother him. Thomas had intended to sleep in one of Mrs. Walters' rooms but Jessy had not wanted to hear any reason. He was going to sleep at her house. She had played devil's advocate and it was really impossible to contradict her when she set her mind to something.  During dinner she had even gotten his new girlfriend on the phone and reassured her that they were just friends. Yes come on, he was not alone, he would be fine. The warm water combined with the scent of the vanilla shower gel was washing away the smell and tension of the day. I was really proud of Cerberus! He had found the little girl and no one would have bet a dime on him. I should have gone and told Mrs. Töpfer about it. And I also should have gone to pick him up from the kennel at the station; he had stayed there but I missed him.

I would have liked to keep him with me, who knows, maybe someday I would get one. One of my own because he wasn't mine. I was so relieved and happy with the work I had done, it could have turned out so badly that whole thing. I thought about Jay, I had really misjudged him. I mean yes, he had been a jerk at Aurora but I certainly hadn't played the victim either. I was a bully, I knew it, I was aware of it. It was not the first time I had purposely sought confrontation with someone. But this time I recognized that if it were not for him I would not have been able to go so far as to find Alfie. Panic would have won and I would have run. The pathetic officer with the panic attacks. Embarrassing.

I trust you.

Instead he had been brave and moved in there as if he had been there before. Had he not flaunted this confidence I don't want to think about how it would have ended. My goodness, the image of Alfie with his feet dangling in that hole would have haunted me for a while. Someone who probably in a town like the one he had come from knew nothing about places like that.

More than you'd think.

I had slumped to the ground, defeated and afraid, and he in a horrible place with a person in a breakdown had remained calm.

I would rely on you if I had to do it on someone.

I turned off the water and slipped on my robe, which in the meantime had warmed over the radiator.
I opened the fridge, looking for something to eat.

Do you like Chinese?

I closed it again because as usual it was empty. I opened the pantry and found chocolate. Do you have a lack of affection Hailey? It can be. I need a friend like Thomas right now and our nights talking without ulterior motives. I shouldn't have left him sleeping over at Jessy's.

I'm staying at the motel. The one next to the restaurant.

I dried my hair and thought that I really should shorten it. It would definitely be quicker to get ready in the morning. I slipped into a black jumpsuit with a hood. It was comfortable and warm. I lay down on the bed without even having the urge to move the comforter and as is often the case, I mentally went over that day as I hoped to fall asleep. Yes, I really had to offer that coffee to Jay.  He had distracted me by straining to converse.