I'm here (English Version)

I trust you

We were inside that horrible place. If possible even more horrible than in Jake's pictures. Dark, cold, and smelling damp. A narrow, oppressive tunnel. For a long stretch I managed to keep my composure. I tried to concentrate on breathing as Dr. Ulric had taught me. Get some air in your nose, hold your breath and mentally count to ten. Throw the air out slowly through your mouth and start again. Phil had helped me many times in that exercise. Phil. His thought at that moment was helping me stay connected to reality. But then I lost my concentration. The deeper we went the more agitated I became. I was gasping for air and the place was claustrophobic. Had I really thought that time that I could face such a place alone? And Jake had sacrificed himself for me. And he had sent me those pictures. The dark tunnels, the shaft with the ladder. I hoped I didn't have to go that far to find Alfie. A hole in the ground more like the mouth of hell than a human construction. I hoped I didn't have to get there because I didn't know if that ladder was still there or not. It might as well have been totally burned out. Second, because I was seriously afraid I would have to climb down it and think about how I was going to get Alfie to come back with me when I found him.
I was not okay. I was not okay at all. I was going to throw up. I was going to have a panic attack, just thinking I wanted to get out of there. In my head the usual obsessive thoughts.

- He came through here, went in alone to save Hannah. He touched these same walls that I am now touching. He came in instead of me, because I had been asked to come here. He got locked in here and died atrociously. He wrote to me I love you and he is gone. I can't do it, I can't go on, I have to get out of here - I was thinking all these things as I felt that my body was no longer mine, it was no longer responding to me. I was stopped in the middle of the tunnel and I couldn't go forward or backward.
"-Hailey-" blue eyes called me once, twice, three times. I pointed my eyes into his and burst out.

"-I can't make it-" I leaned against the walls with my back, my palms sweating indecently.

"-Yes you can. You are not alone. Do you trust me? I trust you.-"
.He was so reassuring, he seemed sincere.

"-You don't even know me, you're in a shit pit with a stranger in a nervous breakdown, how can you trust me? You're an 'unconscious-"

" -I don't know. But if I had to rely on someone I would rely on you.-"

He held out his hand to me. I had misjudged him probably.

"-Let's go find Alfie, then you can throw your dog at me if it makes you feel better-"
I don't know what the reason was, but I took his hand to lift me off the wall and I felt better. It was such a strong grip... Maybe it made me feel better to have Cerberus eat his face.
He moved confidently in there. He didn't like the place and it showed. But he was confident as we moved forward.

"-I must say that that Chinese restaurant has good food, don't you think? -".

He had regained the will to make conversation. Surely he was doing this to keep my mind engaged and not break me down again. I was really grateful for that.

"-Yes, very much. I've been going there for many years now. Where are you and your colleague staying? -"

" -At the motel across the street. It's not the best but it's quiet-"

" -Tell me something about you-" I asked him. I really needed to take my mind off things.

"-I don't talk much about me. Just ask me something. What do you want to know?"

"-Your name. I don't know your name. I have to know so I'll know what to tell my colleague when I order him to eat you- "

He laughed but then I saw him change his expression. My goodness, it wasn't like I had asked him who knows what big thing. Of course IT people were really enigmatic and strange eh. Too many hours on computers and too few social relationships.

"-Jay... My name is Jay-"

"-Well Jay. That wasn't difficult, was it?-"

"-No.-"

There it was, back in the dumb phase. What patience his partner must have had. I wonder if he and Agent Garcia were together.

"-Listen Hailey but does your dog also hate your boyfriend?-"
He was clearly referring to Phil.

Boyfriend. Was he? Not really. No. Definitely not. Phil was...was Phil. A friend seasoned with great sex. But I certainly wasn't going to explain myself to him, he had gained points but still he wasn't my best friend.

"-He hates it hard. What about you? Is there anyone in your life?-"

"-No-" could it be that he was blushing?

"-Not even Officer Garcia? She's beautiful huh.-"

"-Yes she is very beautiful. But no. She's a colleague. And I'm not her type anyway.-"

"-Why? I mean you're an asshole but you're not bad Jay -" and I punched him in the shoulder.

Talking to him was helping me move forward. It felt like such a familiar and reassuring conversation.
There we found him, Alfie, sitting on the edge of the hole in the ground, his legs dangling in the gap. He seemed fine but I was terrified that he might fall downstairs if he got scared.

"-Stay here Jay, I'll go. He doesn't know you and he might get nervous seeing you- "

"-Hi Alfie it's Hailey. I'm going to come closer now okay? Look, I brought you your favorite toy car.-" I approached as I spoke, one step at a time, trying to interpret any sign of agitation and knelt beside him ready to physically stop him if he moved. But Alfie was actually much bigger and stronger than I was. If that had happened we both would have fallen down. I didn't even know how many meters it was. I gave a big smile and handed him his toy. He looked at me and took the toy car. There was no expression on his face. It was damn hard to communicate with him, I was going to need Marie. Then I thought that even if she wasn't here she could still help me.
"-Alfie, Marie is looking for you. She said you are much braver than she is and now she is waiting for you to tell you. Don't you want to go to her? She's worried about you because she can't find you. You should really go back to her.-"
Upon hearing her friend's name she decided to look at me. For the first time he looked straight at me. He had always been elusive, but naming his friend seemed to have worked.
"-Yes, let's go to Marie-." It was the first time he spoke to me looking me in the eye. Had I not known it was Alfie and that he might react badly I would have hugged him with emotion.
"-Then let's go. Now let's get out of here, because you are very brave but I am not. I'm really, really scared.-"
He stood up and held out his hand to me. Perhaps such a thing would never happen again in history, but I decided that even from such an ugly place beautiful and tender emotions could arise. He also shook Jay's hand as we walked back. Maybe it really wasn't so bad if Alfie instinctively trusted him too. Hand in hand with the boy we all three walked out of that nightmarish place, and the air outside never seemed as beautiful as it did that night. I looked at my watch, fortunately the time I had given Alan was not yet up.
I turned the radio back on, retrieving it from the ground to let him know that we had found Alfie, that he was okay, and that we would be back immediately.
"- Nice work - he was visibly relieved but then raising his voice he shrieked at me croaking - Hailey my goodness if you shut down my communications like that again I'll assign you to the dog house to shovel dog shit for a month or two since you like them so much!-" I rolled my eyes and winked, smiling at my former enemy number one. On the ride home, unlike on the way out, he stared at me the whole time. He was still playing with his fingers as he had done before but staring at me instead of the view outside. He was back to the silent game. Alfie, on the other hand, was quiet in the back seats with his newfound car. I decided it was getting awkward that silence with those eyes on him.
" - Well come on, that went well. By the way...thank you for what you did in there. It was really important to me. Sorry for snapping at you earlier, I owe you a coffee, maybe even a piece of cake if you don't come back the asshole you were before -"
He smiled at me but only with his mouth. His eyes were serious. What a strange guy...

"- You're welcome. Who knows, maybe before I disappear from your life again we'll have coffee. Then don't worry, you'll get rid of me forever-"

"-Look I'm not as much of a bitch as it seems eh. I'm sorry you're leaving, we had little time and got off on the wrong foot. Coffee. Promise Jay? Look I'm counting on it before you leave again. And promises mean something to me know that. If you don't keep it I'll come after you-"

"-I always keep my promises Hailey. Sometimes it takes me a long time but I always keep them-"

"-Well-"