I'm here (English Version)

Look at me!!!

Who was I to make you wait?

Been far away, for far too long

I'd withstand all of hell to hold your hand

I'd give it all

'Cause you know, you know, you know

That I love you

I have loved you all along

                            Far Away - Nickelback
                        -------------------

The room I entered after he decided to open the door was almost completely dark. I could still see because of the soft light from the Motel sign coming in through the drawn curtains. I closed the door behind me by leaning my back against it, almost as if to make sure there was no way out. No, he wasn't going to come out without giving me an explanation; I wasn't going to let him. He must have recently showered because the air was still warm and smelled like male shower gel, musk, maybe incense or something. And there he was, standing there with his head down. He was wearing something dark or so it seemed to me. It was almost exactly the scene I had imagined at the time, only this time I was wearing the hood. I stood there, leaning against the door, and he stood there in the center of the room. There was so much silence that I could even have heard the heartbeats of both of them. Neither of them could apparently speak or move, so I decided that I had to unlock that situation.

"Tell me something Jay. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm crazy. Tell me you wanted to play a bad joke on me for running into you in that bar. Tell me you're just an ordinary asshole."
I didn't dare move my back from the door, I felt as if only that kept me from letting myself fall to the floor.

Nothing. He kept standing there, standing there, and he wouldn't answer me. He would make to speak and then shut up.

"Talk to me damn it! Do you have something to tell me!"
I moved away from the door toward him. That was enough. I hadn't gotten that far for nothing and patience was running out. I had to have some answers. He kept staring at the floor, with that soft carpet whose color I could not distinguish but could feel under his shoes, his hands clenched into fists at the sides of his body, and he was deliberately ignoring me.

"Look at me dammit and tell me you are not who I think you are." Only a few steps separated us. I was afraid to cancel that space because I could have seriously beaten him so furious I was.

- you already know who he is - my mind with its sadistic annoying little inner voice was answering me for him.

I approached again and as I had planned I put my hands on him. I began to push him, trying to provoke some kind of reaction; I would have been fine with anything that made him stop standing there in silence. Even for him to react physically. But he let me do it, and I didn't budge him an inch.

"Look at me!"  One push.

"Damn!" Two.

"One thing I asked you, stop standing there!" Three. Damn it was not possible for him not to react. That he wasn't at least trying to block me.

The anger I was feeling was driving me away. I was pushing him and he just stood there. Seemingly impassive. And this behavior was only pissing me off even more.

"Tell me why Jay. Tell me why the conversation with you today in the mine I know I already had. Tell me why. I'm waiting for answers!" Four.

"Look me in the fucking face!" Five.

I grabbed his face with one hand and forced him to look up from the ground, forced him to look at me.
I was furious but now I was no longer screaming. I had no more words. His expression, as soon as I managed to make myself look at him, was no longer swaggering and defiant as he had presented himself to me in the past few days, he was almost frightened but his look was sweet and sad at the same time, his eyes so unfamiliar and at the same time so familiar made my thrusts that I had not stopped giving him lose intensity until my hands remained nothing but closed fists resting on his chest.