I'm here (English Version)

I love you

Today I really had no ability to concentrate, my mind kept getting lost in the past. I might as well make it a memorial day. I sent a message to Thomas. Good "old" Thomas and his immense love for Hannah. He would look for her anywhere and on foot if necessary. In the ideal world they would have lived happily ever after like in fairy tales. The knight in shining armor freeing the princess from the evil wizard. But reality, unfortunately, is not a fairy tale. After finding her they had to come to terms with the past and the present. Both. I saw them fade away first as a couple day after day. There wasn't an occasion when they didn't quarrel with each other holding anything against each other. It had become burdensome to have them around each other. Then I saw them fade away as single individuals. For Thomas to accept Hannah's past was a hard, hard blow. And not so much about Jennifer's history, about hiding her body, about keeping quiet for ten years, about psychotherapy and all that. On that he would have even gotten over it, he would have gotten over it I think. Love gets over a lot of things. After all, it was an accident, young age, fear and despair did the rest. It was also normal that he kept it to herself. But everything else he just couldn't forget and overcome. Especially her "love" for Jake. What would have happened if he had not pushed her away? Have I been a replacement over time? Why did she seek him out instead of asking for help from me who was her boyfriend? Did she still have feelings for him? She also blamed her for losing Richy, her best friend, and for me losing Jake as a result. Not openly of course, but I know er thought so. True, she was also a victim in all this, but if she had confided in him probably nothing would have happened. Richy and Jake would not have died. These were Thomas's enormous torments. Which consequently tormented Hannah. We spent entire evenings together, he and I, often up all night talking as well. Hannah ended up not being able to take it anymore and leaving him for good. Or he pushed her to leave him. I don't know. At the end of the day the line is thin. And this time it was for good. Not because of me and our nights together, let me be clear. Thomas was and is like a brother to me. We shared a love for two people we could not have, we shared a thousand unanswered questions. He moved a year later taking a job in another town, after all, he was not even from Duskwood
" - hey Thomas. Everything okay?" - he replied almost immediately. It seemed that today as then we were all staring at the phone waiting for a message. " - Hi Hailey! Everything is fine and you? Can I ask or is this one of those days when I have to come up with a backup question? -" . Shit, was I really that transparent? Even behind a message?
" - all good Thomas. It's one of those days but all good. I can handle it. When are you coming to see me?"- " I deliberately used the singular. If I had told him find us he would have thought of some strange trap and never come. No, no trap Tommyboy, don't worry. I smiled thinking back to his nickname. Hannah is always thousands of miles away. She had also moved shortly after him. She couldn't stand seeing those places anymore and seeing every day the people she had hurt. Or to think about the ones he could never see again. I think she couldn't stand to see me either, although this is just my feeling or maybe I like to think of it that way. Dr. Ulric had also advised her to leave. For her own sake she would have to make a clean break with Duskwood and with us. She had chosen Paris. She worked as a model for an advertising agency. She was beautiful Hannah. She always had been and she was even more so now. I know because every once in a while I would get a few magazines in my hands. And there she was. Gorgeous and smiling, in some ad for clothing or beauty products. I was happy to see her happy. Or so it seemed. I was glad because her brother would have wanted it that way. She rarely came back to Duskwood. Only to find her family or what was left of them.  He was dating a musician or something. So his sister had said. She and I never bonded. Never. I had fought to find her but I had done it for Jake. I was just tolerating her. Me with the same thoughts as Thomas. I always felt like a bad person because of that, she was a victim like us, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't even look her in the face. And she could see it clearly. That's why subconsciously I wanted to believe it was mutual. To clear my conscience.
" - I'll check if I have days to take and fill you in. I love you.- " .
"-I love you too Tommyboy 😜 "