I Thought I Was A Devil

XVI

I kept walking, my stomach growled, thirst seized me, the sky was covered with beautiful orangish color, cool breeze blew over my face, it was slowly getting darker, my feet felt tired, there was a terrible headache and for some reason, I craved sugar. I stood in front of a candy shop and checked my pockets but there wasn’t a single penny, disheartened I was about to leave when I noticed Daichi, an older boy was trying to snatch his lollipop, Daichi cried trying to hit the boy. I grabbed the bully’s neck throwing him away then bent down seizing the lollipop, I turned back at Daichi who smiled happily while hugging me.

Daichi: Thank you, sis! For saving my lollipop! (He giggled while trying to take the lollipop from my hand)

Me: (I tilted my head slightly confused) Um…no need to thank me…kiddo. (I said while unwrapping the lollipop and putting it in my mouth) This is mine now. (Pats him feeling satisfied)
Daichi: (He stares at my face for a few minutes in disbelief before tears filled his eyes and he starts crying at the top of his voice) BAD SIS!!!! (he lays on the footpath and starts throwing his hands and legs to show a tantrum)

I felt embarrassed as the crowd starts gathering, picking him up in my arms I ran for my life. I made sure that we were out of their sight before putting him down, he pouts, tears covered his face, and his nose was filled with snort, taking out my handkerchief I helped him blow his nose, then touched behind his ear pulling out a coin ‘magically’ making him amazed as he starts giggling requesting me to do it again, thankfully I learned a trick or two while babysitting Angela. I kneeled down showing my back to Daichi asking him to hop on, he wraps his arms around my neck and legs around my waist, I hold his legs properly stood up, and advanced towards the orphanage.

Daichi: Sis…. Are you really an angel? (he asked cutely)

Me: Am a devil. (I said while giving out devilish laughter and picking up speed)

Daichi: (he giggles holding tightly) But Obasan (Aunt) told us that you are an angel.

Me: My mom?...(I slowed down as various thoughts crossed my mind ‘My mom thinks am an Angel?') What did she say? (I asked out of curiosity)

Daichi: She said…you were born as an angel with wings, the sweetest blessing by God. But circumstances are ripping you apart and slowly making you fall. (He says with a hint of sadness in his tone)

Me: (I sighed while kneeling down in front of the Orphanage) Daichi…. Every child is like an angel, pure and innocent….but society turns us into demons. The adult world is too complicated for you to understand. (I smiled at him) And by the time, we realize, it’s already too late…and we get trapped in the vicious cycle of traumas and expectations…and breaking away from it without getting your hands dirty in the process….it’s something really hard…those people who can do that without getting corrupted mentally, are either too ignorant or someone great, and am neither of them. (I stood up) I have already fallen…and once an angel falls, there is no way back, but I can always try to become Satan? (I said giving out a sarcastic laugh) Anyways, next time we meet, I will give you an ice cream treat as an apology for eating your lollipop.

Daichi: (he looked at my face blankly the whole time I was giving the lecture, his eyes shone brightly hearing the word ice cream as he came back to reality) Yay! Ice cream! (He smiles happily while hugging me) I forgive you!

I bid him farewell before running towards my house, excited to meet my mother and hug her, Daichi’s words made me realize that my mother truly cares about my wellbeing, am sure she won’t start hating me over a small argument, I must have made her worry, hope she is alright, what type of daughter makes their mother worry so much? I felt like a complete failure. I opened the main door of the house, ‘Weird…why is it unlocked?' I thought to myself, maybe they went out to search for me? I should wait for them to return….the house lights were off even though it was late evening, I could hardly see anything in the corridor. Lights were on inside my parents' room, faint noises could be heard, my mother’s concerned voice muffled with choking and moaning sounds and Dad’s reassuring panting voice, along with that there were noises of the bed shaking. What I could make out of the situation was, Mother, must have been stressed about my disappearance, and sent Father to search for me, Mother must be crying right now, I should go and comfort her….father seems tired as well… I made them go through so much trouble….I feel ashamed of myself…. I bite my lower lip out of frustration. Without thinking twice I opened the door.

Me: Mom…Dad…..?....(I blinked staring at them in confusion)

Both of them were naked Dad was above Mom, and as he thrust his body, they were covered in sweat and the bed was shaking due to whatever they were doing…I didn’t understand the expression mom was making, but most importantly…I saw my parents NAKED… as soon as they noticed me, my father pulled out his phallus from my mother’s vagina?....it was the first time I saw a man’s private part…they tried to cover themselves hastily but it was already too late. It was too late for me…I felt dizzy and sick…there was unknown anxiety, I didn’t understand what they were doing, but I knew it was something that adults do…and maybe…someday a man will do that with me?....the thought in itself was scary, my headache out of stress and I felt funny inside my stomach.

Douglas: (He looked at me icily) Next time, try knocking. (He frowned)

Anna: You didn’t even bother to lock the door! How could you be so irresponsible! (She shouted at Dad)

None of that mattered to me, I stood there petrified, my eyes were blurry, and before I could realize it, I vomited on the carpet and fainted, I was down with a high fever for a week, and grounded for 2 months, only school and back to home became my daily routine for the following days. After that incident, growing up it became a deep trauma inside my brain, and turned into genophobia (phobia towards sexual intercourse) towards the later part of my life.

To be continued....