I Thought I Was A Devil

Season 2 Chapter 14

There was a long silence after that, we ate our lunch quietly or that’s what I believed…Mother’s face was a bit pale as she wiped the corner of her lips with napkin while hesitating, her eyes looked at me as if she wanted to say something, I stared at her for a second before sighing.

Me: What happened mom? You look nervous…(I asked getting worried)

Anna : (licks her lips hesitating before finally opening up) Uhm…Anne….your birthday is coming next week. (She said while smiling slightly)

Me: Is it? (I raised my brow) What about that day? (My tone was uninterested)

Anna: (she gazed at me softly) We were thinking….we should celebrate both of your birthdays together like old times. Angela is really looking forward to spending time with you. She really miss you. (She strokes my hand softly as if trying to reassure me)

“What old time? Ohh! That time when you couldn’t afford getting me a proper gift because you were busy buying expensive shits for Angela?! Or when you forget that I share the same birth date as Angela! Or maybe when you let your stupid husband buy me a strawberry cake knowing that I am allergic to strawberries! Or the last four years of being ignorant towards my well-being!” How can they be so insensitive….they didn’t even bother to visit me even once when I was away, now they want to celebrate my birthday? Do they even have the slightest consciousness? I wonder how they expect me to react? “oh mom thank you!! Thank you for being so kind for celebrating my birthday with Angela! I am so grateful!!! Thank you for making me feel like an outsider in my own family!!” Fuck this bullshit!!! I felt like screaming but regained my composure.

Me: (I got up from my chair after completing my food) Please excuse me…and don’t worry, I will have a talk with Angela regarding this, she needs to learn that she cannot get everything through unnecessary stubbornness.

Anna: Anne! What are you saying? How is such an innocent request called unnecessary stubbornness? (She looked frustrated)

Me: Mom. (I stared at her, even though it was a single word that came out of my mouth, it was cold and void of any emotions except for bitterness)

My mother looked at me in disbelief as her lips trembled slightly, she lowered her eyes, guilt seized my heart, I never had any intention of hurting her, then why did I end up doing something that I never meant to do? I bite my lower lip and choose to retire to my room before things get out of hand.

Me: Please excuse me…I need to reflect on my actions. (I said before climbing up the stairs)

Anna: Douglas….(she turned towards Dad who remained silent throughout the conversation) Am I a bad mother?.... (Her eyes were filled with tears and anger, her lips trembled as water rolled down from the corner of her eyes)

Douglas : (he sighed getting up from his chair then kneeled down in front of my mother grabbing her hands squeezing them softly while staring in her eyes filled with love and respect for his better half) If you are a bad mother….then I am a monster who came out of the womb of a female devil…. (He kisses her palm)

Anna: (withdraws her hands pouting) Be serious Douglas….I…I think I messed up….I just didn’t want Anne and Angela go through same pain that I had because of Diana’s hatred….but I think while trying to fix a mess, I ended up creating even bigger problems….(she covers her face with her hands to hide her disappointment) I just thought…Anne is more mature than her siblings and is good in almost everything she does…so I felt Angela who is the weaker child needs more attention….Oh God….what have I done?....(she starts wiping her tears using her palms)

Douglas: (he gets up and pulls mother into a warm hug stroking her hair softly) Anna….my beloved wife….we were never prepared for four children (he smiles getting lost in her round eyes as he kisses her forehead) we thought of two and got extra packages….you tried your best….and you know what? You are the best mother in my eyes, raising four strong children who know how to protect themselves and at the same time managing household and profession. Without you, I would have been nothing….lost in loneliness….you are the ray of hope in my life…. Please don’t breakdown like this....humans make mistakes and we did as well, people fail raising one child properly, look at my mother…so why blame yourself? Anne will understand when she grows up. (He squeezes her shoulder softly) It’s not your fault, it was mine.

Anna: (she buries her face on his chest while crying) Douglas….you are so cruel….Why you always do this to me? Making me feel like I am a good person even though I have so many flaws…(she holds his shirt while crying)

Douglas: There there….who said you have flaws?...(he let’s her cry while he hugged her tightly) in my eyes, you are the most beautiful Angel trapped with a devil (he chuckled softly).

Anna: (she lifts her head, her eyes are red and swollen as she pouts pinching Dad’s cheek) You are such a smooth talker…I can never win against you when it comes to speaking nonsense. (She wipes her tears on Dad’s clothes while still pouting)

Douglas: So this is the gift for consoling you huh? (He raises his brow while still laughing at mom’s silly act)

Anna: So what were you expecting?... sex? (She rolls her eyes)

Douglas: Now that you mentioned- (he rubs his hand at the back of his head with a big smile over his face)

Anna: (she pulls his ear hard) stop getting aroused early in the morning….jeez…(she gets up from her chair) Maybe I should go and check on Anne…I hope she is alright….my heart feels uneasy…(she felt anxious inside but tried to act calm)

Douglas: I think it’s better to leave her alone for now…give her some privacy and let her calm down. She will be fine, don’t worry. (He said while reassuring her)

Anna: Are you sure? (She hesitated) I heard during this phase of life, children tend to take drastic steps…(she bites her lower lip)

Douglas: Jeez…stop worrying so much….how about I make you some special cookies? (He asks excited while heading towards the kitchen)

Anna: (her face turns pale while she hurries towards the main door) You know what? I just realised that I am getting late….maybe some other time?

Douglas: (He stares at her stupefied) Why I feel that you are trying to escape? (He tilts his head blinking his eyes genuinely confused)

Anna: (she laughs feeling nervous while opening the door) Honey, you know that I love you right?... but not enough to die. (she says before escaping)

Douglas: What….(he kept standing there trying to understand what she meant before realisation hits him) It’s not like I cook poison or something….. right?.... isn’t it?....(He started wondering if he actually cooks poison or not) Nah…I don’t cook poison, after all, no one died yet. (He says feeling proud about his awful cooking skills)

To be continued...