I Thought I Was A Devil

Season 5 Chapter 2

As I engaged in my evening workout, seeking solace from a trying day, the silence of my room was abruptly interrupted by the tentative cadence of footsteps just beyond my closed door. Each step echoed with uncertainty, betraying the inner turmoil of the individual outside, torn between the impulse to knock and the hesitation to intrude. With a resigned sigh, I set aside the dumbbells and approached the door, unlocking it and swinging it open. Leaning against the frame, I crossed my arms and fixed a steady gaze upon the anxious figure standing before me.

Me: What? (I rolled my eyes) if you want to say something, just knock. (Jules hesitated for a moment, her gaze fixed on me, before decisively pushing me aside and striding toward the balcony, her silence speaking volumes. With a cigarette pulled from her pocket, she ignited it, the ember casting a faint glow against the evening. As I joined her on the balcony, irritation flickered within me, manifesting in a furrowed brow and a steady glare aimed at her inscrutable expression.) Have you lost few screws?

Jules: (she remains silence for few seconds before taking out another cigarette and putting it in front of my face) I thought we were best friends. Yet, it seems like you’ve been keeping things from me. It’s been over a year or two since we became closer, and now I’m hearing about your secrets from stranger? (She frowned. Her eyes were filled with jealousy) Even Victoria felt betrayed…..why didn’t you bother to tell us that you know how to play football? You even told Julie! (Her eyes desperately looked for answers)

Me: (I took the cigarette from her hand, and pressed it between my lips before lighting it and taking a long puff relaxing my mind) Firstly, I never told anything to Julie. She just happened to discover it by mistake. (I said before taking the cigarette out of my mouth and keeping it in between my fingers and exhaling the smoke. I placed my arms on the railing of the balcony resting on them) Maria is my childhood friend, so….she just know shits about my life. I had my reasons for leaving football. Anyways, no one asked me if I can play football or not. So I never felt the need of mentioning it.

Jules: (she bit her lower lip hard, glaring at me) Liar. Last year, during December, when Victoria called you to inform you regarding our team’s issue. You clearly told her ‘I don’t have slightest idea regarding football,’ during your conversation.

Me: (I laughed slightly before taking another puff and glancing at her face) I didn’t know that you have such a brilliant memory.

Jules: Victoria told me. (She replies while frowning) Anne….sometimes it scares me. We know nothing about you, yet you know everything regarding us.

Me: What do you want to know? (I raised my brow)

Jules: (she opens her lips for a second before hesitating) Will you tell me everything?

Me: Depends. (I sighed while running my fingers through my hair feeling uncomfortable)

Jules: (she looked away) Never mind. (She said before turning her back towards me). I should retire to my room now. Goodnight.

As Jules retreated to her room, a heaviness settled over the balcony, the silence punctuated only by the soft hum of the city below. I remained leaning against the railing, my thoughts swirling as I stared out into the night sky. Moments passed before I finally extinguished the cigarette, flicking the butt over the edge of the balcony. Turning back towards the room, I paused, my gaze lingering on the closed door of Jules’ room With a sigh, I pushed off from the railing and made my way back inside. The room felt empty now, the weight of Jules’ unspoken questions lingering in the air. I walked towards my room’s door and locked it from inside before Taking a seat on the edge of my bed, I ran a hand through my hair, my mind racing with memories I had long tried to bury. Laying down on my bed, I closed my eyes, trying to shake off the uncomfortable emotions that were rushing through my mind. I was too tired to switch off the lights.

My body felt heavy with the burden of my sins. Even though the night was silent, the loud ticking of the clock made it hard for me to sleep. I twist and turned on my bed. ‘tick….. tick…..’ with each seconds it became more difficult to stop my thoughts. I finally opened my eyes, it was 11 PM. Getting out of the bed, I grabbed my jacket and wore my shoes then sat there for few seconds collecting my thoughts together before opening the wardrobe. As I opened the wardrobe, my eyes fell upon the familiar shape of a football, a beacon of solace amidst the turmoil. Then tying few bedsheets together I turned it into a rope. Then tied it against the balcony before climbing down.

I made my way towards the football ground. My inner turmoil increased with each step. There was immense anger, and hatred towards my own self. I had no one to blame for the miseries that I created with my own hands. It was my selfish decision and insecurities that led me to walk on this path. I sighed before placing the ball on the grass then stared at the goal post for a while. I could see my younger self standing and laughing at me. My jaw hardened, “Why is she mocking me, when she is the main reason to my pains?” I thought to myself before kicking the ball hard towards that direction but unfortunately I missed. Each time I tried to kick the ball using my full strength and anger, it only was a fruitless struggle.

I laid on the grass, panting and sweating even though it was a chilly night. The stars stared at me amidst the dark night. By now, my mind was calm, I wiped my forehead before covering my eyes with my folded arm. It was a long night, I couldn’t sleep. I stayed on the soft grass wondering where I went wrong. But there was no point in looking back anymore, it was time to address my own mistakes and move forward. My younger self must be disappointed at me, what was I thinking when I was a child? Wasn’t I much mature at that age? What went wrong? Why am I throwing tantrums every now and then? My blood felt hot, I was confused with my own actions. It was like my hormones were acting up and my body was out of my control. I don’t want to act like a child, I am an adult now, or am I? I am just fourteen, but neither did I feel like a child nor could I relate to adults. “Its tiring……” I sighed to myself before getting up and dusting my clothes and heading towards my home.

To be continued....