I Thought I Was A Devil

Season 7 Chapter 12

It has been two days since I returned from Japan, and something feels off. The quarter-finals were approaching, yet no one seemed interested. No one was practicing; everyone appeared laid-back. After our usual classes, I headed to the training ground, the usual bustling hub of activity and energy was eerily quiet. The equipment lay untouched, gathering dust, while everyone in the clubroom seemed engrossed in their individual activities, minding their own business. I couldn’t believe my eyes, with how relaxed they looked. No wonder, Maria told me to return and witness the scenario with my own eyes.

Me: Guys. (I folded my arms and tapped my feet frowning) What’s going on here?

Bella: (she looks up from her novel) Hm? What do you mean? (She seemed genuinely confused)

Me: Why is everyone acting…..lazy? (I raised my brow) The show isn’t over yet.

Hope: (she looks at me while playing cards with Irina as she grins) Yeah…but you are here right?

Me: (I looked at her, feeling confused) What do you mean?

Irina: I mean….(she shrugs) We have you here, so we will win anyway.

Christina: That’s true. (She says while stretching herself lazily) Take a chill pill Anne, I am sure we will win anyways. (She grins)

Me: (I was taken aback by their replies) How can you be so overconfident? (I raised my brow)

Bella: Because we trust your talent. (She smiles brightly) We know that you will help us win.

Ratree: Yup. (She nods in agreement)

Me: (I sighed and let out a laugh) Guys come on, enough of this prank. You need to get on your feet and start practicing, its getting late. (I tried encouraging them, but they stared at me blankly, and didn’t show an ounce of energy)

Choon Hee: (she walks in the clubroom, as she places her hand on my shoulder) They aren’t playing pranks with you.

Me: (I hesitated) W-What do you mean?....Choon Hee, you out of all people know how important the upcoming match is, and we hardly have time left in our hands.

Choon Hee: I know Anne, but….(she sighs and hesitates) I am kind of busy with the track team, new members have joined and they want me to look into the training. Sorry. (She smiles) But don’t worry, I am sure we will make it in the semi finals. (She winks)

Me: (I bit my lower lip, her reply made me more stressed, as my eyes moved towards Victoria) Hey, at least you say something. (I frowned watching Victoria focusing on her studies.)

Victoria: (barely looking up from her books) What do you want me to say, Anne? (She sighed, her tone indifferent) I have a big exam coming up. Besides, like everyone else said, we have you. You’re our ace, remember?

Me: (frustration bubbling inside) This isn’t just about me! It’s about the team. We can’t win if everyone isn’t putting in their best effort.

Bella: (closing her novel and looking at me seriously) Anne, we’ve been working hard all season. Maybe we just need to trust in what we’ve already achieved.

Me: And, what have we achieved? (I raised my brow) We hardly made it to the quarterfinals, and you all just became relaxed like we won the finals? (I rubbed my face getting frustrated) Enough of this nonsense, just come to the football group for practice.

Irina: Uhm….not today. (She says standing up along with Hope) We kind of have date today. (She blushes slightly)

Hope: Sorry Anne, but don’t worry dude, we trust your abilities. (She grins)

Me: That’s not the point! Football is a team game! You can’t just blindly depend on one single player! (I said finally losing my patience and then looked at Julie) Why aren’t you saying anything to them? You are the captain, it's your responsibility.

Julie: Uhm….(she hesitates) Maybe we can start practicing from tomorrow, now that everyone is kind of busy today? (She smiles)

Me: Seriously??? Is this a fucking joke??? (I pinched the bridge of my nose annoyed)

Choon Hee: Sorry Anne, I also need to leave for the track team. I will meet you tomorrow. (She smiles before walking out)

Me: Where is Jules and Lotte? (I asked frustrated)

Victoria: Lotte didn’t bothered to visit the club room since you went for vacation, and regarding Jules, I am not sure. (She sighs while going through her text book)

Me: You know what? I am going outside to get some fresh air, this is just frustrating. (I said turning around and walking out of the club room, then I halt and turned towards my left) Why didn’t you fucking informed me? (Maria and Jules stood there, Maria had a “I don’t give a fuck attitude” while Jules stood there with an awkward smile.)

Maria: (she shrugged) What would have changed anyway? You weren’t here and they never listened.

Me: (I rubbed my forehead) This isn’t done, I will have to straighten them up.

Jules: You think they will listen? They even kept ignoring coach, making her irritated. (She sighs)

Me: What the fuck is wrong with them?! Why are they so overconfident??? (I said trying to calm myself) Do they believe that they can win this game without any preparation? Are they being fucking delusional?! Or did they take hallucinogens?!

Maria: (she sighs) Anne, I think you are somewhere confused.

Me: (I raised my brow) What do you mean?

Maria: (she sighs) They aren’t confident in themselves, rather….(she points at me) They are confident in you.

Me: But football is a bloody team game! (I said gritting my teeth and frowning)

Aoi: Anne. (I heard coach's voice as I turned around) Meet me after practice session. I think we should have a talk. (Her face seemed disappointed and angry at the same time. I gulped my spit and nodded in agreement) Also, its better not to argue here, there are eyes and ears everywhere. (She said before turning around and walking off.)

Eventually the practice was called off because no one bothered to participate, except the three of us. I headed towards coach's house right after school. I knocked at the front door, as she opens and looks at me for a second before letting me inside the house. I waited in the living room while she prepared some refreshments for me, and placed them on the coffee table before sitting down with a serious expression.

Aoi: (She takes a deep breath, looking at me with a mix of disappointment and concern) Anne, I think you already know why I called you here. (She frowns)

Me: (Nodding, I sit down, feeling the weight of her gaze) Yes, Coach. I’m just as frustrated as you are. They’re not taking this seriously at all.

Aoi: (She leans back in her chair, folding her arms) I’ve been observing them for a while now, and it’s clear that they’ve lost their drive. They’re relying too much on you, Anne. It’s a dangerous mindset, not just for the team, but for you as well. (She frowns) I’ve tried talking to them, encouraging them, even getting angry, but nothing seems to work.

Me: Coach….what should we do? (I said biting my thumb nail as I felt the pressure.)

Aoi: (She sighs) This isn’t just about motivation, Anne. This is about leadership. The team sees you as their crutch, and as long as they believe you’ll carry them, they won’t put in the effort they need to. Even though Julie is the Captain, they all have always looked up to you, because you were the one who brought them together.

Me: (Feeling a pang of guilt) But I never wanted them to depend on me like that. I’ve always wanted us to work as a team.

Aoi: (she looks at me quietly for a second) Did you really not wanted to make them dependent on you? (She raises her brow)

Me: (I was taken aback by her words) W-What do you mean coach? Why would I ever want that?!

Aoi: Come on, Anne, you don’t need to hide the truth from me. (She sighs and fixes her gaze on me, her expression firm yet gentle.) Aren’t you afraid of being abandoned? Haven’t you, whether intentionally or not, made them dependent on you by always taking charge and being the one they can rely on? Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing too much? (I felt my stomach drop at her words, I wanted to deny her charges but I failed to bring up words, it was true that I wanted them to depend on me, I was scared….I was scared that they will leave me once they find me worthless, my crippling insecurities made me walk alone, which somewhere ended up affecting the whole team. I just wanted to be a good friend, was that too much to ask? But instead of doing something positive, how did it end up like this? I couldn’t find words to protest, neither I had the courage to accept, I just sat there quietly, as thirst seized me, Coach stared at me for a second before rubbing her forehead frustrated) Anne, I already warned you before, humans aren’t chess pieces. (Her voice softens for a second) Anne, I can understand your fear and insecurities, but…its affecting the team, and even you know that. (I nodded slowly while looking down) So (her tone became stern as her eyes were fixed on me) I have come to a decision, you either fix this or I will have no choice but ask you to step-back.

Me: (I skipped a beat as I looked at her in disbelief) Step-back….? What do you mean my step-back? (I clenched my fist) After everything I did for the team, you want me to back down from my position?

Aoi: (she sighs standing up) I am helpless, you need to understand where I am coming from. I don’t want to do this to you, but, I can’t afford the whole team to fall apart just because of one member. (She takes a deep breath before glancing at me) Either you take action, or I will.

Me: Please….give me one chance. (I said pleading)

Aoi: (her expressions softens) Fine….anyways, I am not doing this to punish you, so take your chance, not that it would change anything, but remember, (she hardens her jaw) this would be your last chance, if you fail, I will do what is needed to be done.

To be continued....