I Thought I Was A Devil

Victoria Part 1

Victoria : (she looked at us frustrated as we sat there on our knees staring at each other’s face waiting for Victoria to give us lecture) I thought only one person’s screw is loose….turns out both of you fall under same category. (She said while addressing Jules)

Me: We were just looking at the scenery- (I was cut short as she pushed her spectacle back)

Victoria: Shut up…you think I will trust you after that little stunt of death? (She sits beside us hugging her legs) at least sit at a safe distance….I don’t want to lose you….(she bites her lower lip staring at her feet)

Me: You seem low since last week, I heard that your mother came to visit you from Germany. (I asked getting worried for her)

Victoria: I…I am just going through a phase in my life. Everything gonna settle down soon. (She said sighing) This might as well be the last time, I am sitting here with you two jobless fellas. (She said in sarcastic manner, ever since we started spending time together, Victoria has become less formal in her dialect)

Jules: Hey! We are not jobless!! Rather we are much more busy than your rich ass. (She pouts) must be fun being born with a silver spoon- (I wrapped my arms around Jules’ shoulders and used my right hand palm to cover her big mouth)

Me: Enough…let her speak. (I sighed letting Jules go)

Victoria: (she hugged herself tighter) Being rich comes with it’s own burdens. (She stared at the sky aimlessly taking a deep breath feeling disappointed) Hey…Anne….Can I ask you a personal question?....(she says pausing for a second as I nodded in agreement) How are your parents?....(she looked at me…her eyes were sad….her lips trembled slightly) Do they get along with each other?....Do they love you?.... (She bites her lower lip)

Me: Love….that’s a heavy word. I don’t understand their affection towards their children…..but they do have great amount of attraction towards each other….(there was a soft expression over my face) You can call it rather peaceful…..it’s much better than most families where the partners have regular fights and the children suffer- (all of a sudden I felt the stare of two pair of eyes on my face…I could understand that this was not the answer either of them were hoping for…and that I may have stepped on a dynamite that can blast at any moment…I can understand it was rather insensitive speaking about this in front of Jules…but I failed to understand why it offended Victoria when she was the one who asked me this question)

Victoria: (she runs her fingers through her hair with a faint smile feeling disheartened) Must be lucky to have a family like that….hey Anne….what type of surname is ‘Elizabeth’? Sounds quite unique (she said scoffing)

Me: (I failed to understand her reaction, did she just try mocking me, just because she felt that my life is too easy? I shook away the ridiculous thought from my head before replying to her question) Uhm….I guess it’s a made up surname?....I don’t know. My maternal grandmother wanted to break free from her toxic family….and maternal grandfather is an orphan. So both didn’t have a surname and may have thought to keep it unique so that people can easily remember them. (I said giving it a thought)

Victoria: Unique surname to be remembered huh….must be hard coming from a commoners background. (She looked at me with pride for a second I could see my paternal grandmother through Victoria’s eyes) You know…. Money is so powerful in this world…that you don’t even need a surname to be remembered. Just your name is enough to make them bow before you. But, it’s so dirty…. Everything about it is dirty….rather you can’t get money until you drown in mud that’s how the first generation rich gets their position….then for us, second and third generation….we need to maintain that status…falling down is not an option…because as soon as you tremble…. People will kick you from behind. (She blinked then stared at her feet before taking off her glasses) my father had the same fate, when he was forced to marry my mother as a business proposal…my paternal grandfather’s business was going down….and my maternal grandfather needed a man to run his company…the loveless marriage went on for 18 years. After my maternal grandfather passed away…my parents had parted ways unofficially….this happened 2 years back, my mother took over maternal grandfather’s company and became the first female president of the business….while my father started expanding his own family business. My younger sister was only 2 years old back then…and my mother felt that she needed mother’s affection more than me, the elder sister who was already 12…so father brought me to Australia….and mother stayed in Germany with my younger sister…..(her eyes sparkled with tears) During the time….my parents were together, they hardly spoke to each other or even had time….it was mostly cold war with occasional fights…. During arguments they insulted each other….to the extent that they used to forget that they have kids around…..(she trembled hugging herself tightly) it was traumatizing….Even after parting ways they didn’t stopped arguing over phones….my mother never visited me…..my father never bothered to interact or even look at me….I am a beloved daughter in front of the media….but behind the curtains....the story is different….(I pulled her closer to me and Jules hugged her tightly as Victoria broke into tears while hugging us) WHY ME?!!....WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS!!! (She cried loudly while being comforted by us….I mean I tried comforting her…but it was mostly awkwardness from my side but Jules did a splendid job)

I sat at some distance waiting for her to calm down, she wiped her tears and blew her nose against her handkerchief…by now both of their eyes were moist, and swollen, Jules started crying along with Victoria halfway through the conversation, which became too much for my poor soul to handle, so instead of trying to stop them, I choose to let them vent their tangled emotions while I waited for them to get back their composure “And I thought we were trying to calm Victoria, instead of getting all emotional ourselves? Jeez Jules” They looked so vulnerable while crying their heart out….wish I could do that…. I looked down at my hands….”Maybe, if I could just…cry….all these complicated memories will get some relief?....” but crying is for weakling…what’s there to be jealous of weak people? Or maybe I am the only insecure person here who have suppressed her emotions to such an extent that at the end of the day I can’t even feel anything anymore…. Everything is so fake ….my smile...my expressions….my words…. Everything just to fit in the society….a mask that hides my reality….what is this feeling of misfit that I always sense within myself….what is the point of trying so hard to act normal…why I don’t even recognise the reflection of my own face?....but at the end of the day, maybe we all are just wearing mask to avoid getting hurt? Someone acts brave when in reality they are a coward, someone acts like white lotus…. Everyone have their own mask for suppressing their reality. My head started aching due to frustration, I could feel Victoria watching me, as I looked into her clear blue eyes that sparkled through the darkness of the night (metaphor for having hope in her eyes even though she is going through bad time).

Victoria: (she tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, by now she was a bit calm and was ready to continue speaking about her problem) I am sorry for bothering you, I-I just don’t have anyone else beside both of you, who would be patient enough to listen to my silly complaints (she said feeling embarrassed)

This was the first time that the little girl inside Victoria was showing her insecurities, a small girl who have been criticised and brainwashed her whole life to act like a proper ‘lady’ was breaking apart, noticing her pathetic state, I realised that if back then, my father hadn’t run away from his home and got married to Helena like an obedient son, their children would have been through same state like Victoria, on the other hand, mother would have married her toxic ex boyfriend and go through physical and mental abuse…’Fate’ brought them together….they became a saviour for each other but not everyone are lucky when it comes to relationship. One bad decision can ruin many things, watching these two people makes me feel glad that my parents are happy with each other even though there are so many ups and downs in their life.

To be continued....