what would people say? || b.e

nineteen

she blinked at me a few times, probably not expecting me to straight up ask her that.

and honestly, i didn't expect to say that out loud either?? it kinda just..slipped.

"what?" miss eilish asked slowly, still trying to process my question.

well, it's out there now. might as well go with it.

"do you have feelings for me?" i repeated and she looked down at the floor for a few seconds before looking back up at me with her eyebrows furrowed.

"you know i can't, y/n. it's not right-"

"please don't give me that bullshit." where the hell was this confidence when i had to say no to being ander's date to the dance. "be honest with me."

"y/n." she said as she gave me a blank stare.

"miss eilish." i responded with the same look which made her run her fingers through her hair as she shook her head.

"i won't..i can't.." she trailed off, trying to find the right words and i stepped even closer to her, leaving very little gap between us.

"it's a simple yes or no question. do you have feelings for me?" i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. i'm just trying to say whatever makes it seem like i know what i'm doing.

i felt my heart beating out of my chest as i waited for her answer, my eyes fixed on her lips the entire time. asking her these questions might be the stupidest thing i've ever done in my whole entire life but i'm done playing games. i need to know how she feels about me. i can't just let her kiss me whenever she feels like it and pretend everything's okay.

she breathed out a long sigh as she looked at me, her hand reaching to hold my arm. "y-"

"billie?" a knock on the door interrupted us as a manly voice came from the other end.

are you fucking kidding me?

the door swung open which made miss eilish quickly remove her hand from mine as she moved back and cleared her throat. "hey ty."

"hi.." he began, a tone of suspicion in his voice as he looked between the both of us. i couldn't help but scowl before looking down at the floor as i shifted from one foot to another.

"uhm," i heard him clear his throat. "i thought we should get going."

miss eilish sucked in a deep breath and i looked over at her to watch her nod. "right, uh.." she turned to face me with a slight smile. "i'll see you later then." she spoke before reaching out to pat the side of my arm awkwardly.

the fuck?

i raised my eyebrows at her action and watched as she cleared her throat and nodded slowly. "okay. bye." she mumbled before walking out with ty and closing the door behind her.

scoffing softly, i shook my head as i ran my fingers through my hair. of course she runs right after him. i don't know what i was thinking. he's her fiancé after all. they're getting married and i just have to deal with it.

to her i'm probably just a random student who she kissed a few times. i'm sure she'll forget all about it soon. i know i don't mean nearly as much to her as she means to me.

i couldn't help but let out a chuckle at how pathetic i was being. here i am, falling in love with someone who couldn't give two fucks about me. and my grades are dropping because of this too. i can't even pay attention in class anymore.

i soft sigh falling from my lips, i walked over to my bed before taking a seat on it, my back resting against the headboard.

man, life is so unpredictable. i'm doing so well in school one day, then i'm in love with my teacher the next.

but there's nothing i can do. i can't choose who i fall for. but if i could, i sure as hell wouldn't have chosen to fall for her. it's so unfair how i feel so much for her yet she feels nothing for me.

i mean, there are other perfectly good people who i could've fallen in love with. but no, life had other plans. i just had to fall for my teacher.

pulling the covers over me, i laid down completely and got comfortable. at least i don't have to see her tomorrow since i don't have her class on tuesdays and thursdays.

and that was my last thought before i was out like a light.

-----------------

"y/n!" i came back to reality as conan snapped his fingers in front of my face.

it was currently lunch and we were seated at our usual table. however, i wasn't able to focus on anything going on in front of me. my mind kept wandering.

"what?" i said as i looked up from my food, noticing that both cone and bri were staring at me.

"were you even listening to what i was saying?" conan asked and there was a tint of annoyance in his tone.

"oh uh, yeah..something about your favourite cereal." i replied absent-mindedly as my head drifted back to my previous thoughts.

miss eilish.

that woman will not leave my mind no matter how hard i try. i hate myself for thinking so much about her but then again, can you really blame me?

i snapped out of my thoughts when conan flicked my forehead, my hands immediately going up to hold the area he hurt. "ow! the fuck?"

"that was ten minutes ago, stupid! now i was talking about how i have a crush on the new kid." he whispered the last sentence and my eyes grew wide as i brought my hands back down to the desk, now fully concentrating on what he was saying.

"wait what? the new kid as in..the one in our english class?" i asked a little louder than intended and his eyes grew wide.

"shh!" he exclaimed as he looked around, sighing out of relief when he realized no one else was paying attention. "yes, the one in our english class."

"oh." i said as i nodded, picturing the new kid's face in my head. "not bad."

"right?" conan asked with a grin and i let out a soft chuckle as i nodded before i continued eating.

"and what about you, y/n? anyone special lately?" conan asked and my eyes immediately landed on sabrina, silently begging her not to say anything.

luckily for me, she understood and gave me a subtle nod as she carried on with eating, leaving me to answer his question. "um, not really, no." i mumbled as i looked back down at my food.

"don't tell me you're still hung up on miss eilish." he remarked with a snort and i let out a soft sigh. if only he knew everything that happened between us.

"ha." i said sarcastically as i stabbed my fork into my food, startling both of them. but i just carried on eating.

"what?" he began, confusion laced in his voice. "did i say something wrong?" conan asked in an apologetic tone and i couldn't help but scoff as i shook my head.

"it's nothing. never mind." the bell rang and i cleared my throat. "i'll see you guys later."

and with that, i stood up and walked away. as i made my way down the halls i found myself thinking about her again. as much as i tried to push her out of my thoughts, she'd just come back to me anyway.

i have history now so fingers crossed i can forget about her and just focus in class. i highly doubt it though - i haven't been able to pay attention in class for a while now. i'm always thinking about her and i hate it.

it's honestly so draining to have her on my mind all the time. like go haunt someone else's brain, will you?

suddenly, i heard a door open and felt two hands grab me and pull me into the supply closet roughly.

-----------------

here's a little update since a few of you asked for one😋

sorry this was short i was busy having a very gay panic over billie's new post