Glacial

12

yaay

I feel so uh weird today..

my heart decided to be a pain (literally) so im just sitting.

expect maybe a couple of updates today :)

enjoy this

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" can I have a word please miss" a middle aged Female doctor said, scanning quickly through her notes from mine and James' checkup.

"sure" I said quietly, I was ready for bad news, I just had that gut feeling that I was going to disappoint Ed even more.

She lead me to a private room and motioned for me to have a seat infront of her desk. I took in my surroundings as she prepared her notes. the room was white, being honest, when I get outta here, I never want to see the colour white ever again. as my annoyance of the color white subdued I saw the nurse turn to face me and she smiled rather forcefully at me.

"so from what I can see, you were tested yesterday correct?" she asked, her voice snooty.

"yes mam" I said politely.

"well your results show malnutrition, you need to eat more" she said, it sounded as though she was disgusted, but it was true. I sat there thinking about the last time id bothered to eat, wasn't yesterday or the day before. it must've been Monday, when Ed had bought us sushi and it was now Monday the following week.. I had managed two pieces before id felt sick and now I wished I had've eaten.

I was told by the doctor that I must eat at least two proper meals a day before we fly out in two days. I nodded and shook her hand before travelling down to James and Ed in the childrens ward. I must have walked into the room rather emotionlessly because I got a worried look from Ed.

"is everything okay love?" he asked me as I slumped into a chair.

I nodded and he left James with the toy cars on the bed and walked over to me, squishing his bum next to mine on the chair.

'"what is it?" he asked, taking both my hands and kissing me gently on my forehead. I turned to look at him almost in tears, although it wasn't even that  bad, I wasn't ready to eat.

"malnutrition" I said barely audibly.

"malnutrition? haven't you been eating?" he asked honestly sounding shocked.

"not really" I whispered " she said its because of...shock" I said. They were right, I was shit scared of living in Christchurch, it was dangerous now. Houses and antique buildings were now large piles of rubble or leaning on dangerous angles with half of it missing.

"we are moving away though Lanie, its a new start" he said calmly, trying to make me feel better.

:I know Ed, its great" I said forcing a weak smile. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tangled my fingers in his already messy hair, kissing him softly.

 He pushed his tongue into my mouth, something id never experienced so I was kinda hesitant  at first, but once I got the idea, well I fought for the dominance.

"maman!" James yelled, catching our attention. I pulled of Ed immediately, realizing he probably watched the whole thing.

"sorry baby" I said feeling embarrassed as I climbed off Ed. he got up after me and we both went and sat on James' bed with him. I checked the time and realised the dinner would be arriving soon. I began to feel sick and I could feel myself also becoming noticeably pale.

"are you alright love?, you've gone pale" Ed said. Shit, I really was visibly pale. I shook my head and I felt tears start flowing, leaving me shying away and crying into my hands. I was shaking because I wasn't ready to down proper meals.

"hey, its okay, you'll be fine" He said, pulling me into his chest as my body shook with every breath I took.

"i cant, ill be sick" I said, it was true, I probably would be.

"eat slowly then, eat it in small parts over an hour or whatever, you just need to eat love" he said, encouraging me.

A knock was heard and the door opened, revealing three hot meals for us. I put on a very fake smile and thanked the warden for the meals before turning away and passing one to each of the boys. They tucked in, James was a little hesitant but nothing that was worth worrying about. I felt a lump in my throat as I began to put food in my mouth. I stopped and put the fork back on the plastic plate.

"i cant do it" I said, tearing up instantly.

"yes you can Lanie, don't think about it too much" he said softly.

"im trying Ed!" I yelled, making both of them flinch. " sorry" I breathed "im sorry" I said very apologetically.

"hey, hey its okay, I understand" he said, leaning over to me and kissing me gently.

I managed to finish my dinner over the space of an hour, which was the most id eaten in a week. another thing i'd gone a week without was shower.

"Ed im gunna shower" i said as I gathered my things and headed into the showers.

"okay!" he yelled after me.

I stood in the shower and let the water clean me. it was hot and my skin felt replenished almost instantly. A thought came to mind. I didn't want to eat dinner and it made me feel sick. I came up with a plan.

Tomorrow was the last day we were in new Zealand so I decided that after every meal I would take a shower and then force myself to empty my stomach.

good plan. After I was dressed I walked into a toilet and let it all out. I vomited three times and afterwards, I felt so much better.

"you look better" Ed commented as I walked happily back into the room, towel wrapped around my head goofily.

" I feel better too" I smiled, looking at my reflection in the small cosmetic mirror. I had color in my cheeks and my lips were a fresh shade of pink.

"that's great! we'll be outta here on Wednesday then" Ed said enthusiastically, I just smiled and nodded, my plan was genius.

We settled James down for another night, we prayed that he wouldn't have nightmares. Ed and I shared a few goodnight kisses and a hug and we soon followed suit, laying down on our very uncomfortable reclining chairs.

"goodnight Ed"

"goodnight Lanie"