Glacial

23

Eds POV

* another two months later*

I haven't seen Lanie for three months and I am worried sick about her. when we had our fight I thought she would come back once she had cooled off, but it had been a month and I haven't had a phone call, a text, nothing. James has become clingy and he will not leave my side, he's afraid that im going to leave him like his mum, dad and now lanie has.

"daddy, whens mummy back?" he asked me yet again, its like his words are stuck on repeat, he will only say a few words and will say them more then twice a day. "i don't know son" I sighed, I missed her like crazy, maybe I should've offered her help instead of yelling. " I miss my mummy" he said, and I saw his lips begin to form a pout. "so do I buddy" I said.

Since she left, ive had to take James everywhere. Stu would have to sit with him while I was doing interviews and I couldn't go out and enjoy a drink with my crew because he wouldn't allow me to go out anywhere. I was beginning to go insane.

"daddy, where are you going!?" he screamed as I attempted to sneak out the door for a smoke. "im having a smoke James, calm down" I sighed as I poked my face back through the door to see him running towards me, tears forming in his eyes, "can I come too?" he pleaded. "no James, ill just be outside, you can see me form the window" I said, I think I might be getting slightly depressed as ive been smoking more and more. "okay" he sniffed and sat in the window seat.

I finally got some alone time and I sat on the grass outside with my cigarette. I started thinking and soon the thought of Lanie took over and I started to break down. I felt hot tears burn the corners of my eyes and I stood up, I yelled out profanities and kicked a rock across the yard. I screamed out and cried and I saw James run to the door and open it. he bolted towards me and I picked him up and he cried into my hoodie. "daddy stop" he sobbed and i cried with him. I missed her so much and I could feel myself getting sadder by the day " im sorry son, I miss mummy" I said, trying to tone down my anger. I walked back inside with James and I set him in front of me and looked into his eyes "mate, we are gunna find mummy soon" I said, taking a deep breath in as my mind told me to shut up, we may never find her, she could be dead for fucks sake. "can we go look?" he asked me, it was 4pm and I was exhausted "no buddy, its late" I sighed and he pouted and breathed in deeply "okay daddy" he said coming towards me and hugging me "its okay don't cry daddy" he said.

~~~~

 I tucked James into bed that night and sat on the sofa with my phone in hand until I couldn't bare it any longer. I clicked on lanies phone number and it rang four times before going to voicemail. she didn't want to be found. I gave up after ringing about ten times so I decided to ask something of Stu. I pressed his name and he answered almost immediately "hey mate whats up?" he asked, I felt so upset "hi, uh could you come over and watch James, I need to go out" I sniffed, stu sighed "yes, but if youre gunna get drunk, im not coming to get you" he said, "thanks Stu" I said and I hung up before I got any more of a lecture.

Stu arrived in less than five minutes and wandered into the living room just as I put on my jacket. "thanks mate, if James wakes up, he will freak but try calm him down" I said and stu nodded as he turned on the tv. "cya Ed" he huffed.

I walked through the streets, feeling less hopeful but still hopeful that I might find my girl. I reached the pub and casually wandered inside and took a seat on a stool, keeping my head down. "can I get you a drink sir?" a young female asked me, I looked up and gave her a fake smile "yeah, a beer thanks" I mumbled and she nodded, handing me my drink "thanks" I said. I skulled down my drink and asked for another, and then another, and then another. I began to feel happy and it felt good so I kept drinking until in no longer knew where I was and stumbled out into the street. a girl walked up to me and began talking, she said her name was Hannah and that she was single. I was so drunk and I decided that she was cool and that we should go back to her flat.

~~~~~

I woke up in a strangers bed. my mind was furiously trying to remember what happened last night, Hannah. Hannah, I slept with Hannah. ii turned my head to see a naked woman laying next to me and I shot out of the bed, throwing on my clothes and getting out of her house as fast as I could. I ran down the road and up to my street, I sprinted down the road, and up the driveway to the house. As I approached the door I heard screaming on the inside and then I realized. shit. James didn't know i left. I pushed open the door and the room froze. Stu gave me a horrible look and james stooped and stared at me wide eyed. "where the fuck have you been!" Stu yelled, throwing his hands up in the air with anger. "i uh fell asleep on a mates couch" I lied, "bull shit, whys your shirt on backwards, and theres hickeys on your neck?" he said. "fuck" I yelled and I stormed off to the bathroom. "get your ass back here sheeran" he said, and I turned around and stared at him, he pointed at james. "give your son attention" he said and he picked up his things and left. I looked down at him. he had red eyes and snot trailing down his face "daddy you left me" he whispered and he ran over to me hugging my leg. "im sorry lad, daddy needed time out" I said, hugging him tight.

Lanies POV

I feel terrible, ive had a rumbling feeling in my stomach for a few weeks, although its not hunger. I sat up and wiped my eyes, I was still laying in the alley I was attacked in last night. I felt groggy as I pulled myself up, I needed to go and see Gladys, too see if Angel was there. I picked up my stuff and walked to the center where I was welcomed by Gladys. "how are you" she said looking at me up and down, "fine thanks" I said a scanned the room for Angel. I spotted her in the corner of the room and basically ran to her. I pulled her into a tight embrace and she pulled me away and stared into my eyes, "whats wrong Lanie?" she asked as tears rolled down my face. "I...I go...sexually attacked" I sniffed and she hugged me tight "are you okay?" she asked me and I nodded, although I was scared. we sat together and drank our tea, she explained why she was away and I knew it. I just knew. we talked for a while and then I decided it was time to go so I packed up and walked back to my spot in the forest, it was safe there.

* * * *

Oh my.....who knew?

for  

she's my best xx

this is getting intense, and excuse the time hops, there's one more and then its just gunna continue from there...

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night night!