Glacial

42

"Lanie, you need to see a doctor" Ed said as he slumped next to me on the sofa, he had Iris on his hip. I looked at him grumpily with tears in my eyes. "no I don't" I said bluntly, trying not to show any insecurity. "yes you do, come on you wont even look at your daughters" he said, frustration evident in his voice. It was true, I haven't really wanted much to do with them for the last month, its only late February, so the girls are only four months old, surely that leaves us some time to bond right?

"Ed, im fine, im tired" I said calmly, I read about my symptoms and it suggested "post natal depression" although that seemed stupid, who could get depressed because they had a kid? I turned to Ed and looked at him, avoiding the gaze of my daughter who was gurgling happy while bouncing on his knee. " Uh, maybe I should" I said to him and I basically saw him mentally sigh in relief, he had won this time. "great, I'll book you an appointment" he said happily. "okay" I whispered. "im going to go for a walk" I added and Ed looked at me, "take Stella in the single pram" he said and I shook my head. "what if she cries?" I said almost fearfully, as I had no idea how to handle her. "you'll be fine love" he said and he walked out of the room to get the pram for me.

He came back with Stella wrapped up warm in the pram and he pushed towards me. "you'll be okay" he said and he kissed my forehead lightly, "go on love" he said. I cautiously pushed the pram out the door and I began walking down the road to the park, there was a nice walking track through there. As I walked in the direction of the park, the sun was beating down on me with a warm glow drowning me in light.  The sparkling lake caught my attention so I pushed Stella over to a bench and pressed down the break on the pram. I sat down next to her, not on the bench, but on the ground and stared ahead of me, not paying attention to my baby. I heard her grunt a few times as she became frustrated and I panicked, I need Ed.

Standing up from my comfortable position on the grass, I gripped the handle of the pram as my head spun wickedly. After my head spin subdued I began the short walk home. I walked out of the park and away from the beautiful warmth of the sunshine back to Ed. I was about halfway home when Stella started to scream. "shh..its okay" I said in more of a questioning way, I didn't know what screaming meant. She didn't stop crying and I was beginning  to freak out so I walked faster and faster until I broke out in a slow jog, getting stares from strangers as I ran with a crying baby. I felt tears burning my eyes as I strode up the path to the door, pushing it open with force as I abandoned the crying baby in the hall and locked myself in the bathroom.

I heard two gentle knocks on the door and then silence. "what" I said bluntly. I heard Ed sigh and the baby struggle. "are you alright" he said back. "yes, just leave me alone for a bit" I said and he sighed again, "okay" he said.

I ran my fingers over the scars that covered my arms and legs. Every one of them was caused by the building collapsing on me and all my work mates, I was the only survivor from my building. My head had a permanent bump on the back from hitting my head as I was trapped under layers and layers of concrete and steel supporters. The burn on the side of my face had healed, and was now a small discolored spot just next to my right ear. I took out the blade i had long forgotten about, but recently rediscovered and held it between my index finger and my thumb, turning it over and over, having a silent discussion with myself inside my head.

I placed it on my wrist, pressing down harder and harder as I felt the frustration build in me. it was getting painful and the pain made me forget everything that's going on, so I pressed harder. A small spot of blood appeared, getting bigger as I watched it. "Lanie come out now" Ed said suddenly, making me jump. The blade pressed into my skin with full force, I screamed and dropped it, rushing to the sink. "Lanie! are you okay!" Ed said as he knocked on the door.

I wrapped a towel around it and unlocked the door, Ed was standing there staring at me with a horrified look on his face. "what did you do!?" he yelled, pulling my arm close to him and ripping off the towel. "you scared me! I wasn't going to!" i yelled and i started to cry. Ed stepped closer and lifted my head to his level and kissed me. "im sorry, lets fix this" he said and he lead me back into her bathroom, taking out some cleaning solution and a cotton swab. "this may hurt a bit" he said as he gently wiped over the cut, i winced as the burning set in.

* * * *

Hi

Well sorry its been a while, I've been busy. Well im super excited, I've Started the first chapter of Fervour! (the sequel) and its gunna blow your mind!!

hope you're having a great day!

Catcha in the next update!

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