Glacial

25

the door handle turned and I felt physically sick, it had been five months since id been near him or contacted him. as the door began to swing open I saw a man with no shirt on, his hair a mess and his eyes closed. I tightened my grip on the rug and he opened his eyes from a yawn. His eyes widened as he saw me, he stood shocked for a moment. "Ed help" I whispered as the tears rolled off the tip of my nose, my heart rate sped up and I just stared at him with blurry vision. "lanie" he whispered, he said nothing else, but opened the door, indicating for me to come inside. It was dark until the kitchen light was flicked on, revealing Ed and his tattoos and me, with my bundle hid under the rug.

"where have you been" he said barely audibly as I noticed his eyes well up with tears. I sat down on the sofa and began to cry. "im sorry Ed, I just, I couldn't handle being told what to do and I got so mad I jus-" i said quickly "no, its okay, its okay love, you don't have to explain, i was wrong, are you alright?" he said frantically, sitting next to me, scanning me over with his eyes. "No, No Ed i...." i stopped as the sobs over whelmed me, i kept my arms wrapped firmly around the baby and i didn't wipe away my tears. "shh, its okay, just tell me" he cooed, he wrapped one arm around me and i shifted slightly, making the baby squirm, but no noise came from it. i couldn't speak, i just shook my head and let all my emotion fly out, id bottled it up for so long, drowning it out for five months with alcohol and sex, which could've harmed my baby.  "i just-i cant" i said as Ed looked at me intensely with tired eyes, after all it was three in the morning.  "tell me" he said sternly, i nodded and began to speak. "i uh, Ed i lived...in the park where you took me" was all i could manage before i broke down."hey hey, its okay, your okay" he said, i turned my head to him and shook my head. "then whats up?" he said, even if he was getting annoyed he certainly didn't show it, he was calm, not angry. I nodded once again and bre4athed in deeply, i un tucked my arm from the rug and lifted a corner and peered down. The baby was tiny. Ed looked at me weirdly and then leaned forward, i pulled away for a second and he shifted closer to me, i pulled away a little more of the rug and he leaned forward and looked down, his jaw dropped and he pulled back and looked at me. "wha- how?" he said, "when did you have it?" he said, his voice still calm. "just...just a few minutes ago" i breathed out, i then inhaled deeply waiting for his next response. "oh fuck, lanie you have to go to hospital" he said, i shook my head. "no, you cant just not, the baby could be sick, shes tiny" he said, and he got up suddenly and left the room.

He returned a few seconds later with a towel that had been heated by his towel rail. He pulled the rug off me and we both got a shock, i was covered in blood and the baby was still attached to me by the umbilical cord. "im gunna have to cut the cord" he breathed, "no you..you cant" i said, i didn't know what was right. "i need to otherwise it could be dangerous" he said "trust me baby" he said, i nodded a quick yes and he disappeared into the bathroom to get a few things. Just as he left the room, a pain tore through me and whimpered loudly. "ED! something's wrong!" i screamed and he ran back to me, couching beside me, his eyes wide. "what!?" he asked frantically. "i don't know it fucking hurts!? i cried and he took my hand and rubbed circles on it. "im gunna have to take a look" he said, i was in no position to argue so i just agreed, i lay down and Ed pulled of my pants, he looked down a look spread across his face that was unknown. "what the fuck is wrong!" i screamed as he pulled off his hoodie and lay it beneath me. "im no doctor, but there's another baby lanie, you have to push" he said, i nodded and i pulled my chin to my chest, pushing hard as i felt a sudden release. "keep going love" he said and i pushed again, there was a rush of pain and then silence. Ed looked up at me with a big grin slapped across his face and then i heard a little cry from across the sofa. "its another girl" he said and he lifted up another baby, even smaller than the first.

"you did it" he breathed as he cut the cord and placed the tiny screaming baby on my chest with her sister. we suddenly hear footsteps running towards the room and Ed got up and ran, stopping the toddler who had woken up from the noise. "MUMMY!" he screamed as Ed pulled him back into the hall. "james, mummy is sick, wait here minute" he said. "okay daddy" i heard james sob and Ed returned to me, he pulled a hoodie and sweats off the table and handed them to me, along with two towels. "put these on and wrap up the babies" he said and i nodded. he went to wait with James and i got changed, it felt good to put on clean clothes. "okay Ed" i yelled out and James bolted in "James!" Ed said and the toddler stopped, turning to Ed with a pout " be gentle, mummy isn't feeling good" Ed explained and James nodded, he walked slowly to me and i sat down on the sofa with the babies wrapped up and laying next to me. "mummy you came back" he cried into me "i did baby" i said and he hugged my tightly.

"we should call an ambulance" Ed said.

I was home, my family was one again.