Glacial

43

Ed kissed my arm as he let go, putting away the cleaning solution. "Come talk to me" he said bluntly, not even looking at me as he left the room. I followed him hesistantly, I don't really want to talk about it, it would get better in time wouldn't it?

Ed sat on the sofa and he gestured for me to sit aswell. I walked towards it and sat down slowly, looking at the floor below me as I took in a deep breath. " why did you even think about that Lanie? " He asked. I looked up from my spot on the floor and into his eyes, he stared back at me. " I..I can't be a good enough mum" I said and the tears that  had formed in my eyes were now spilling over the edge, Ed started to shake his head and he used one finger to lift my chin. " you are perfect, we'll fight this love" he said. This time I  shook my head, "I can't do it, I can't" I breathed, choking between sobs. Ed shifted closer to me before  dropping to the floor infront of me, taking both my hands in his.
" we are gunna get you help" he whispered, before using my hand as a support to stand. He walked out of the room to assist James in sandwich making, leaving me to have some space.

After the boys had made sandwiches, they returned to the living room together, joining me on the sofa.
" mummy are you okay?" James asked. I looked up at him and smiled. " yes, just a little tired" I said and he smiled, " okay " he said.

Ed had decided to put on a film so James, Ed and I snuggled on the sofa while the girls slept. "Which one is it?" I asked as we waited for the menu to come up. " uh it's The Simpsons Movie" Ed said. I looked at him in shock. " James can't watch this!" I said loudly, Jane's started to giggle and Ed looked guilty. " mummy silly,daddy showed me a'fore" he giggled and I slowly turned towards the guilty Sheeran staring back at me. " he did, did he?" I said and I punched Ed in the arm, he winced and I chuckled. "That'll teach yah" I said.

Some time later, after we had eaten dinner and Ed had put all the kids down to sleep, i was standing in our bedroom thinking. " whatcha thinkin about?" Ed said, scaring me out of my dream and back into reality. " Murray and Grace" I said, picking up a towel from the washing pile on the shelf. " I'm having a bath, coming?" I asked him and his face lit up, " yes I'm coming" he said cheerily.

He followed me to the bathroom, tapping my butt as he cut infront of me. "Hey!" I said as he spread his towel right across the heated rail, taking it all for himself. I stepped forward and grabbed his towel, sliding it across and neatly placing mine next to it.

I turned on the water and waited for it to fill before stripping off my clothes and climbing in. " wait" Ed said and he grabbed my bare hips, his cold hands making me squeak. He stepped into the water and sat in the corner of the huge spa bath, reaching his arms out so I could sit infront of him. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I leaned my head back on his chest, his chin on my head. " I was thinking about Murray and Grace before" I said and Ed moved his chin to my shoulder. " yeah, what about them?" He asked and I took a deep breath in." You know how they lost the baby?" I said, although it was hard to forget because it happened in mine and Eds bathroom. " yeah, why?" He asked and I kept my eyes fixed on the rippling water. " I want to have a baby for them" I said and I tilted my head towards Ed who was looking at me weirdly. " that's lovely Lanie but don't you thi-" he said, I cut in half way through. " Ed I thought about it and we would talk to them first" I said. He traced patterns on my stomach with his calloused fingers,making me shrink as it tickled my skin. " and how would it work, would you have sex with Murray or-"

"Ed! Have you heard of surrogacy!?" I said loudly while I laughed.
" oh yeah...well this is awkward" he said and I looked at him,his cheeks blushing scarlet.
" unless you would allow me to" I smirked and he gasped. " never, you're mine forever" he said and he squeezed me tighter.
"So uh, could we ask them?" I asked Ed and he was silent for a few minutes.

" if you want to do that Lanie, I'll be here the whole way, but you don't want your own daughters, I don't understand" he said and I sighed.

" I want to help them Ed, and I want to love my daughters, I can do this" I said quietly, but I had the determination to thrive.

* * * *
Okaaay
So that was part two,so if you were wondering why the last one was short, that's why

I hate feeling so down :( but uh yeah lets be happy about this

Two chapters to go!!
Yaaaaaaaay!!!

Well.
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~Annie