Glacial

22

* one month later*

I lay freezing on a bench in the middle of the park, my fingers and toes were numb, and I could feel the redness of my nose. I got sat up and rubbed my eyes, taking my brush out of my bag and running through my oily hair. I packed up my stuff and headed out of the park and into the city, I hadn't been back to Ed or James for a month now. I had listened to the radio on my phone and there had been a missing persons report out for me, but I didn't wanted to be found. I walked into my usual morning spot, a homeless shelter in a welfare center. I met up with one of my friends that I had made, Angel, every morning for a month, but as my eyes wandered the room I didn't see her.

"morning love" Gladys, the coordinator of the center said. I sat down at a table with a couple of the other less fortunate people. "morning" I whispered back, my voice croaky from accumulating a cold. I was served hot soup and bread for breakfast and I wasted no time downing the hot liquid. the warming sensation travelled through me as I swallowed the liquid. I didn't eat the bread, so I offered it to one of the men sitting across from me at the table, he thanked me kindly and I nodded, standing up and walking over to Gladys.

"Gladys?" I asked shyly as I confronted her, my legs shaking. "yes love?" she said, smiling at me warmly. "have you seen Angel today?" I asked her, I was hoping she just came in earlier. "yes, I have, she came in early saying she had somewhere to be today" she said, her face seemed to oblivious to where Angel was. I sighed a quick thank you knowing she was okay and I picked up my bag, travelling back to my hiding spot in a deserted part of the forest. my mind travelled back to Angel. The day we met, she lost it and she let her whole life story just flooded out of her mouth and I learned that she was being used for sex. and that's why she came early to the center sometimes, because she had a "job" to get to. thinking about her made me upset and a few tears fell from my eyes and landed on my shirt. she was only twenty, three years older than me, and she'd been this way since eighteen.

I arrived back at my hiding spot and reached for my phone in my pocket. I unlocked it and stared at Ed's contact name, I felt like I needed him, but I couldn't do it, I wasn't eating anything and I hated being controlled. I locked it again and threw it on the grass beside me and lay down, staring up at the sun with my eyes squinted. the clouds were hanging around creating pictures in the sky so I thought back to my childhood days when mum, Sam and I would lay and see who could find the most animals. I smiled to myself remembering that one time, Sam said he'd found a doggosaurus. a dog and a dinosaur mixed into one.

As the day rolled on the air became cooler and the sky became darker, leaving a pink glow over the forest. I curled up into a ball under the rug I was given by Gladys and listened as the wind made the leaves on the trees rustle. I must've dozed off because I was awoken by the sound of thunder and as I opened my eyes a flash of lightning lit up the pitch black of night and I screamed. the rain began to pour down and I got soaked, I picked up everything and ran. I ran into the trees and onto the track where I continued to run still. I reached the opening and stood in the rain, the streetlights making the sidewalks glisten. I walked through the town and into a night club, where I sat on a stool and stared at nothing. "can I help you?" I voice asked from in front of me. I looked up and my eyes met with those of a young male, his eyes were reflecting the dance lights and they fitted his smile perfectly. "uh no im fine thank you" I said shyly. "can I get you a drink?" he asked, me, ignoring my reply. "i don't have any money" I said, as I put my chin on my hands and closed my eyes. "its on the house" he said as he pushed a glass of vodka across the table at me. I smiled at him and mumbled a quick thank you before practically pouring the liquid down my throat, feeling the burn as it travelled through my body.

The bar tender kept giving me more and more, and as I became intoxicated I came out of my shell and started going a bit weird. I talked loudly and laughed with a group of guys when I suddenly felt sick. I stumbled through the ocean of sweaty bodies and into the night air where I saw many others, yelling and stumbling down the road. I walked through the street barely able to think when someone pulled me backwards placing a hand around my mouth. I tried to scream but no noise came out, it was like one of those dreams where you need to scream but no noise comes out and you wake up panting. I struggled but his grip was tight and he forced me to the ground in an alley, pulling off my shorts and panties and I felt him shove himself into me and I screamed but I found myself being hushed by his hand as he violently pushed in and out of me, the pain suddenly stopped as he pulled out, clothing himself and running off, leaving me half naked and crying in alley, drunk and terrified. perhaps Ed is my only hope now, I should find him. No, I can't.