I want to fall in love, but I still want you to love me
I've been in this box for sometime now. I want to walk down the isle with you, not caring who's at the end of it. I want to bring them home to meet you, I don't even care if you act scary and intimidating towards them saying somthing like "she's our little girl that, if anything ever happens to her, I'm not afraid to go to jail." Or some shit like that. I want to have a family dinner where no one stares at who I bring, where whispers are none existent. I want to fall in love and not fear about who it is and how angry you'll be at me. I don't want to forget you and the pain you'll cause me. I don't want to have to rely and replay old memories of bedtime stories, and living room shows to keep me sane when I can't even call or visit you. I still want to be able to call you mom and dad by the time I say, I've met someone who will treat me good and give me love.
I envy the people who have the support I don't. My sister had so much bravery in her bones. She came out and lives a life with her girlfriend and their children three hours away from me. But now she misses the love from the memories that are supposed to give her mind peace. And since she's left their lives, if feels like she's left mine. Like her little sister doesn't exist sometimes. I wish she would have taken me with her when I told her about how I felt about the "L" word. She said that she had "called it", but then left me in a home that felt unlovable to whom I could ever love. My other sister and my older brother they live good lives with their spouses. They don't have to care about how our parents feel about their love choices because they've got what "God intended". Though they'll say that they'll love me either way but but still stare and whisper around the table when I leave.
I just want to love, with out being scared.
Knowing the coward I am. I won't walk down an isle. I won't have kids. I wont have love for myself because I've givin it to someone who I can't have.
YOU ARE READING
Bird-Like Heart
PoetryThis is about my kind of poetry. Feelings emotions, trauma, love, happiness, loss. The world is filled with all of these thing and this is how express it.
