Bird-Like Heart

not-so-fun #summer

The leaves are turning back to green
Another year has passed
And with each passing day I ask how long will this grief last
The afternoons are becoming more hot
The times of short shorts and crop tops tank tops are in full swing
The time when I can't really hide a thing
Not the freckles apon my shoulder and face
Not the stretch marks around my waist
Not the white lines that that play peekaboo that I'll try to hide with haste
Not the tummy that comes and goes
With each passing year I either grow bigger or thinner
I keep on baggy clothes and long jeans
Because i dont need to be seen
God I hate when the leaves turn green
It's supposed to say "hey change is near, it's another long year! Time to finally get my shit together!"
As if I had it in the first place
And to the next person says "I haven't seen you wear shorts in forever"
I want to punch you in the face
Im so done hearing all the complaints like
"It's summer, and you wear the same outfits all year around?"
bitch yes I do
I tried to wear shorts once on a vacation
But I couldn't handle the feeling of my thighs touching eachother
All it took was one cat call and I was dirty and felt gross, their words stuck to me like mud
A while after that I refused to eat
I was 13
Now I just don't feel the same with them
My body is a temple of every mistake I can make
And I dont know how many more mistakes I can take
So to the next stranger who walks by
don't whistle at my shrine
It took me so long to collect all these broken pieces I forgot I lost, but their mine
I'm still looking for the rest
And until I've found them, ill cover my empty parts with long jeans and jackets, no matter how hot it gets
I feel comfort in this, so this is what I pick
I'm not trying my best I know
But what I do know is that after a while it will get colder again and the leaves will fall
But after that it will be the same thing that I've seen year after year
The trees start turning green