I'm having a difficult time feeling. Im just generally not okay. I keep trying to do things to distract me, to move me into a different world than the one I'm in. I write notes on notes, words, phrases, and quotes to inspire me to even breathe a little more than I usually do. I color mark my feelings for the day in a journal just so I can keep track of what I feel. This is just a reminder that I am still somehow real. I know that my world isn't bad. It could be worse. I gaslight myself into feeling like my problems aren't valid. I want to relapse. Just so I can feel something other than this dread that floods my chest. "I am a train wreck waiting to happen." That's what she said to me. Maybe I am. I do impulsive things. Sometimes I think too much. And sometimes I don't think at all. Most times, I don't think at all. I don't feel. I dont.. I want to be better, but nothing is working like it used to. And I have no one to really help me with the things I'm not feeling. It's alway me myself and I. I'm alone, without being alone. I don't have people to talk to without backlash. I don't need backlash. I don't need to hear how things could be worse because I know they could be. I don't need to hear suck it up because I'm already saying that to myself. I don't need to hear what can I do to help you? Because I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. I'm tired. But I'm awake. I guess that's all that really matters at the end of the day.
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Bird-Like Heart
PoetryThis is about my kind of poetry. Feelings emotions, trauma, love, happiness, loss. The world is filled with all of these thing and this is how express it.
