Bird-Like Heart

Swifter sweeper

I like to clean.
I finding therapeutic to put some head phones on full blast my music and see how fast I can clean.
My room is best looking room in the house. My floor is always clean. On top my dressers, my closest, my bed, under my bed, my night stand. It's all clean, because that's the main part everyone can see. They can't see inside the drawers, we're everything is misshapen and has the word havoc written in every unfolded piece of clothing.
Whenever i go to a friend's house they tell me I can clean there "depression rooms" while they sit back and watch me clean it starting from the floor and working my way up. And they always say something like "how can you do this so fast?" Or "why do you like doing this?" I can't tell them that one day when I was younger I was in my room cleaning up my toys, I heard angry footsteps stomping the old carpet knowing it had to be from my dad. He went to my sister room first and started screaming how the he was tierd that our rooms were never clean and if we didn't clean our rooms he would beat us till we couldn't move. And when he moved to my room he slammed open the door with a belt in hand. He screamed at my and told me that if our room weren't clean by the time he got back he'd make us sorry and sore. My sister and I cleaned our rooms as fast as we can. I was so scared I remember my body shaking so bad that I could barely put things in my top drawer. We cleaned as fast as we can because we didn't know when he'd be back. And when I was done I sat in the living room and waited for him. I don't remember what really happened after that.
I can't tell them that. So I say "I find it therapeutic and calming"
I hate cleaning, but I really need to do something before someone gets mad and cleaning is the main thing I am good at, you can say that I was trained. The reward was getting ignored and the punishment was a belt, or a beating, or a scream.
I'm scared of loud noises. I'm scared of people being mad at me.
You know what I do to get over it.
Clean
Because i love cleaning