Bird-Like Heart

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I think I saw you today
I say "I think" because I don't know
You've been the shadow and sounds in my mind
I didn't know if you were real, and if you weren't how can I make you go?
I was over at the table and you were sitting on the other side of the restaurant, exactly two tables away from the door and 18 steps away from the exit.
I counted each and everyone of your steps so I could know how fast you'd be if I had run, seeing how there was no back door, and if they're was I would have checked it.
I watched how you pushed your hair away, how you played with your straw, how you avoided looking at me. I know you saw me. Why else would you get so pale.
You look different, so different I almost didn't recognize you. Almost
You look frail.
Like you'd seen a ghost.
I wanted to scream, and run, I also wanted to kill you.
I could hear my heart beat in my ears as I watched you take a drink
You looked over at me and gave me a smile and a small wave
You almost looked sweet. Innocent
My eyes flooded with tears as my mind began to cave
And when I blinked them away you were gone
I felt like a pawn on the loosing side of a one minded war.
I don't know if you were actually there
Just 30 minutes ago you were almost a blurred face, a shadow, a sound..that you were just in my mind
But for 27 solid minutes, you were there. Right in front of my eye sight.
And I thought that if I'd ever say you agin I'd put up a fight
Instead I just sat there
Looking at you
Because I thought I saw you
I've imagined every scenario where I'd see you.
How I'd make you pay for what you did to me as a kid
But I never imagined being frozen to my seat, not knowing what to do
But I did
I just sat there
Letting you walk out again
And they didn't seem to care
I hate you, and all that you did to make me hate myself, it's not fair
Cause now I'm just sitting here wondering if it was real.