Cover- I am honestly not a big fan of the cover, maybe because it is messy, there are so elements in the cover and it all just seems very chaotic. The title on the cover is not clear, you could also maybe add your username on the cover. I understand what you are trying to do but it really isn’t working. The title though, I absolutely love it. It is short and simple and really just adds up. 7/10
Blurb- The blurb is short and is giving ‘mystery man’ except it is ‘mystery girl’. The dialogues which I presume will be there in the book do not reveal who is sending the letter to Sirius. It is just Sirius being Sirius and I am in for it. I like it but dialogues are commonly used as blurbs, this is what you are doing. Tell us about what we should expect from the book, what it is, otherwise wonderful job on it. 8.5/10 Plot- The plot is very unique, I have not come across many of these kind of books let alone one of Sirius himself. Sirius receives a letter, normal, but this one intrigues him. I love how you describe each and every suspect equally, giving them all a story and all of them time to spend with Sirius. It keeps the mystery going and you can see me switching up on who I think is the suspect throughout the book. At the end however I don’t know if it was intentional or not you start focusing a lot on Kiara and this leads me too strongly believe that she is the one. Sirius is given hints, fed lies but this person intrigues him so much he keeps going, I love it, I love how he keeps cutting of people on his list, keeps adding more side by side, the letters the characters. Good job on that 9.5/10
Character Development- Amazing character development, you give them depth and emotions , Sirius the guilt of leaving Regulus, the anger towards the family he was born in, thankfulness to the Potter’s and the happiness he experiences when he receives the letters. You give them other things to do, classes, quidditch, friendship You gave both of them personalities the secret of admirer afraid to be judged, sweet, and bold and Sirius who wants to know who it is but goes with it. I still want to ask though if he has the scent couldn’t he trace it and found out or does he not want to do that ? The only thing I found odd though was the closeness of the marauders, they were known to be the group of mischief and the relationship between Sirius and James and even Remus is supposed to be very strong. Yes Sirius asks for their help and they agree but maybe adding a few more interactions among them would give more depth and insight. 9/10 Grammar- I am impressed with how neat the work was, The dialogues were clean and the setting and story was explained well. There are little to no spelling or grammar mistakes and that is a huge achievement. 10/10 Overall- The story was surprisingly very interesting, unlike most you kept the mystery going. You did not give out too much about the character, just enough for the readers to keep reading. The Marauders have not much information on them so it is up to the writer on how to set it up and you did it wonderfully. My opinion is to work on the cover and if you want try describing the story in the blurb instead of dialogues. Also adding a chapter of maybe James and Sirius talking or a common interaction among the marauders, something not related to the plot but would tell us about the characters other than Sirius and the secret admirer. 8.8/10
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