To start off, I think the title is incredibly creative. It makes me want to read more and it feels like something I'd read in my free time. And the cover is beautiful. Neat, legible, and I love the framework.
For the blurb, I'd like a little more information on the book itself and if I were you, it might be helpful to separate the plot part of the blurb from the other information with a divider or something of the sort.
Once we got into the plot, I liked it. It was very engaging and the characters were easy to relate to. They sounded like their characters in the books (I've read all of the Harry Potter and Rick Riordan books XD) There are a few events that don't fit in with the main plot as well as the others, but overall, the plot was very fun and engaging!
As for organization, it's a little difficult to follow along at points, as some paragraphs aren't broken when a new character is talking and there are some runoff sentences. But I like your character development and such.
The grammar...is a slight problem. There are a lot of places in the book where there are simple misspellings, some missing punctuation, missing or extra spaces, and a lot of the sentences are formatted in strangely. For example, one sentence in chapter two is: (Percy was the one laughing now"Oh my gods that was horrendous" Percy wheezed out.) The sentence would probably be better if it was formatted like so: (Percy was the one laughing now. He bent over in his seat, giggling uncontrollably as Layla gave him an annoyed look. Finally, Percy managed to wheeze out a response. "Oh my gods. That was horrendous.") Stuff like that. The grammar and such did get better the further in the book we went. All technicalities aside, I highly enjoyed myself while reading this book. The banter was hilarious and it was just a super fun read. I haven't read many fics like this, so it was nice to see something different.
Great work so far! You've got excellent potential and I think you have a great writing career ahead of you.
Lots of love, Angel
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