Wings and Webs: The Journey Begins

Yukinaru -Awakening- 60

The darkness is consuming me quickly. I feel the empty void inching closer, invisible threads wrapping around me tightly. As time moves on, the endless shadows sallow me. Hopless, unmoving, frozen.
Nothing is felt and nothing is seen. I feel the true beauty that is despair. Nothing really matters. Nothing last forever. I lay here once more, trapped by a flower from the moon.
No, not this time. I am stronger then before. I ripple my aura out, slowly freeing myself from the invisible restraints. Finally able to move, I feel the familiar water under my feet.
Looking around the the endless darkness I see a cloud of white dust forming in front of me. Watching it closely as takes a small shape, almost egg like.
"Take the seed! Take it!" A shrill voice erupts, a familiar flickering flame appears.
"Is this the seed from your riddle?" I ask looking at it cautiously as it floats in front of me.
"Take the seed!"
Seeing as I have no real other choice, I reach for the seed. Its smaller then I thought and it has such powerful aura in it. The surface is smooth and I have never felt something so strange. I hold it in my hand, the coolness nearly numbing my fingers. The feel the water ground rippling under my feet and a new anticipation taking root in this void.
"Drop it!" The flame flickers with excitement in front of me.
"Drop it where?" I look around and still just see endless darkness in every direction still.
"The seed falls, sinking deep. A few layers to grow." The voice giggles.
"Fine, fine..." I drop the seed and get ready for whatever comes.
It breaks the surface, sending little waves out. Suddenly there is thousands of glowing lights flickering beneath the water surface.
Light trails flowing like my roots, realizing that seed was a key of sorts. I try to reach for one of the rising buds of light but the water doesn't budge. I watch it rise in front of me, a flower blooming just like the one Chrollo gave me.
"Eat the flower! Eat it. Hurry." The flame grows brighter and giggles start surrounding me.
"Seriously? You want me to eat this?" I look at it completely unsure. This flower is the whole reason I am even here again.
"Hurry!" the childish voice whines desperately.
With nothing to lose, I pluck the flower carefully. Bringing it to my lips, the smell so alluring and pleasant I can't help but want to taste it. Slowly I touch it to my tongue, the taste faintly recognizable surprising me. Instantly the petals melt and the water around me explodes.
Droplets shooting out everywhere, they stop in mid air and start glowing a bright white. Slowly they begin to rise high above me, shining like stars in the blackness turning it into the evening sky.
"Fly! Fly!" The flame rises up above my head, ushering me quickly.
I fly up willingly and spread my wings, taken aback by the light they are giving off. So reminiscent of the light the moon gives off. I see trees forming from the shadows as my wings illuminate everything. Creating a forest around a small circle field and an endless pathway cutting straight through it all.
In the clearing I can see so many beautiful white flowers blossoming before me eyes. Hundreds to be seen in this garden, they fill the field. Flowing like an endless river following the sides of the path. The water that was there before is now completely covered with flowers and fauna. I land lightly sending a flurry of petals swirling in the air around me.
"Memories taken, some now bloom beneath a weeping moon." I watch the flame dance around happy amidst the sight.
I bring a hand to my eye and sure enough a single tear falls. The beauty around me, stirs such strong reactions deep inside myself. The scary thing is, that some how I'm having an inner moment while inside myself.
Pulling away from that line of thought before I go crazy. I gaze around the field of white roses, they are the same ones that Chrollo gave me. I can feel them, truly these must be pieces of me.
Memories that were sealed away by nen. I touch one of the roses and a puff of mist appears. A haze slowly clouds my eyes and I see a new scenery materializing around me.
My uncle's face appears looking down at me, his body is clearly in a protective stance covering me. I feel small and helpless in his arms, not even able to speak. A woman's scream echoes loudly around us, hurting my ears. I start crying loudly reflexively, something is definitely wrong right now.
"Renji, did we succeed this time? Is that the female Zarin?" I hear Kenji's voice and it sounds desperate, something I have never heard before.
"It's a female Kenji, it has no black wings, but it is strong." I feel my uncle's grib firmly, slight fear in his eyes.
The female voice rings out loudly, "Give her back! She isn't the same as you, even with all your vile blood. Release us now, she is just a simple demon!" Another shrill scream pierces my ears as the memory fades.
My vision clears and I see the field of flowers around me once more. Walking forward, I touch another one. A fresh breeze blows in, a new memory swirls this time taking me away with it.
I see a familiar room around me. It is mine from the Zoldyck house. I'm laying on my back in what appears to be a black crib carved intricately, a purple silk blanket lays on me and no surprise a dagger close by, I can see why I love my blades so much now.
I see a younger Silva and Zeno, as well as my uncle leaning over me. Zeno and Renji wearing such loving and tender expressions I have never before seen directed at me. I try to reach up but my little hands just fail about. Even baby noises gurgle from my throat systematically.
"This is the babe Zeno, I have named her Yukinaru after the mother. I don't have time to protect her around the clock and as my brother barely tolerates her I'm trusting her to you. I'll return in about 6 years time. You and Silva are my dear friends, raise her well." Renji strokes my cheek, and my little fingers grip around one of his, tightly squeezeling.
Zeno bends over and picks me up, I feel us moving but I can't see anything.
Like a breath hitting smoke, everything changes suddenly before me once more.
I am walking forward clutching on to the back of a little boy with black hair. He is slightly taller then me and skinny, I look down at my own body. I must be about 5 now which means this must be Illumi! I can feel his strength already so prevalent, truly he is gifted.
"Come Yuki, my father wants us training." He takes my hand and pulls me closer to him.
"Yes Umii," I hear my little angelic voice but I didn't speak, living my own memory like is truly is an odd experience. "What will it be today?"
"Blade training and enhanced reflex testing." He pats my head and a real smile sits on his lips, "Try not to slice me again please."
"You are so silly Umi, just move faster!" I giggle and bump my hip into him.
"Yuki, focus" I hear him laugh, and he hugs me closer.
We walk away holding hands going down the hallway to the training room. I see Silva's expectant expression taking a stance infront of Illumi. We smile and begin to spar under Silva's watchful gaze..
Slowly everything dissipates into the shadows. I turn and find myself instanly back in the flower field once more. Walking down the path, I bend and touch another rose. A puff of dust floats off the petals and another new memory emerges.
This time I am in the manor's kitchen at the Zoldyck Estate. I have my hand in a cookie jar, desperately trying to reach a cookie at the bottom. I can feel the frustration building as the edges of the cookie barley touch my finger tips, suddenly my feet lift off the ground.
My tiny wings, barely grown, struggle to keep me airborne. Taking this chance I reach further in and pull out the sugary treat finally satisfied. I run off and dash under the dining room table, giggling madly staring at my cookie.
My wings leave a path of feathers right to my hiding spot. I have such a pleased feeling with myself none the less. I tuck in my wings and start to bring my spoils to my mouth.
The all of a sudden I feel someone getting closer and not belonging to the family. Their hand reaches out landing on my shoulder, annoyed by the intrusion I plunge my free hand towards the intruder. My nails instantly sharpening as I made contact with the skin of a shocked maid.
Without hesitation I rip her heart from her chest and drop it to the ground. Her body falls heavy and the beating heart stops. I'm unphased by this and think to myself that she had it coming.
How dare she try to take my cookie, I worked hard to get this. Taking a bite, finally able to enjoy my snack. I hear Master Silva's deep laughter in the door way behind me.
"Yuki, what did you do?" His foot steps appoarch my hiding spot, his face coming into view as he bends down.
"She tried to steal my cookie! I wasn't gonna let her take it." I quickly shove it into my mouth before crawling out to him.
He stands and reaches for my hand, I'm barley to his knees. I smile as he walks me out the dinning room, stepping over the foolish thief. Once again everything blurs and a fresh memory stirs.
This time I look to see Zeno next to me. He has a serious expression on his face. I can feel an uneasiness rising in my chest.
"Granddaughter, today you leave. Someone special is coming to pick you up." Grandfather sighs heavily.
"If it's because I killed another-" he cuts me off.
"No Yukinaru, you didn't do anything wrong. Its just time for you to go visit your Uncle Renji now." He smiles but I can tell it's faked.
"I understand, I will be a good girl." I smile and give him a hug.
"I know you will, just remember to never give up child. You are strong."
Slowly the memory fades and I am back where I started. An eager flame waiting for me this time.
"Which one? Which one next will you see?" I listen to the mystery voice's question.
"Tell me flame, where is a memory that can tell me about me?" I ask earnestly.
"Some are lies and some are truth. Only when the lies burn is true meaning of me."
"That makes no sense! Don't you flicker off now....And it's gone... so I'm guessing these are all mixed up between real memories and fake ones. How can I figure them out."
Looking around I see them all the same, crisp white petals. None of them appear to be burning, walking forward I touch another random one further in.
This time I fall beneath the garden, landing on my feet as a vision unfolds. I see nothing but snow everywhere on the ground, there are two foot paths leading away from where I stand. This memory is clearly different then the others. I'm seeing it from a third perspective this time, why is this one different. Is it a false memory then maybe...
I start following the tracks as the environment starts to fill with more details. Tall needle trees pop up around me, fresh snow weighing heavy on their branches. Going deeper in, a little clearing comes into view. In the middle I see a little me on my knees in the snow, my white hair blending in perfectly around me.
My hand grips a dagger, while blood drips down the side of my face. The snow around me littered with black spots where my blood clearly has spilled. Uncle Renji standing opposite, with a slice on his arm at least. His wings are barely moving while mine are beating heavily.
This must be a training session then. I must still be pretty young here, I don't see the horns Kenji implanted on me yet. My body is lanky and my wings are clearly lacking as well, I must be nearing my mid youth now.
"Once more little snow bird, bend your knees and control your breathing. A successful attack will only come if you can move like the winter breeze." He rights his dagger and takes me in his sights.
He lunges like a swift snake but I manage a good dodge. A successful counter on my end as well but I watch as uncle trips me face first into the snow. He smiles dotingly down at my sunken body, only my wings can be seen fluttering madly.
Turning away from that touching moment hoping it is in fact a real event, I walk into the smoke once more. Touching yet another flower deeper into the garden. I hear that female's voice again, finally finding something to give me clues about my origins.
Everything is pretty blurry still and dark but I can see Renji is still holding me closely in his arm.
"She isn't a human that much is true however not a true a Zarin such as yourselves, but just a simple demon born of the dark continent." I hear the female voice pleading.
"Does she smell of the clan or not Renji?" Kenji's voice still feels painful in my ears.
"Yes, but there is something else there. It smells like a.. a flower maybe. I'm not too sure Brother."
"Fools, she is blessed by the moon and only cursed by you. She will rule over the shadows-"
I feel Renji's grip tightening as the woman screams wildly then suddenly stops. My uncle's light whisper enters my ear, "I will protect you young one the best I can. I won't kill another babe." I feel drops of hot water land on my cheek.
"Take it back to the castle, have Kaijiru inspect it. Maybe we can do further experiments. She may have a use yet Renji." His cold and ruthlessness ever present even back then.
I feel my anger boiling finally realizing what all this is. The day I was born and those screams were of my birthing mother.
Seething with rage I return to the flowers, and set them all a blaze with my aura no longer caring if I remember anything else. I am done with this game, ready to leave this place.
Hundreds of memories appear as countless flowers now burn, they look like clouds floating above me, while others totally fade off and disappear back into the darkness.
"True fire!" The flame flickers in one last time before fading away.
New old memories once lost flooding around me, I remember so much from my childhood finally but still so little from my young adult years. I close my eyes to this inner landscape, time for me to wake up. So much to reflect on and many questions to ask, I still have more to learn and these can't help me anymore.
I open my eyes finally to the real world, still feeling the burning anger inside however I see a familiar ceiling above me and I can feel people hovering close by. I smile and look for him, I know Hisoka will be the closet one.
Foolish jester does have his moments. "I knew it would be you." I giggle and sit up.
"I will always find you ♡~" I roll my eyes and stand up, using his out stretched hand for support.
I see Illumi standing there behind him as well. A few memories trickle in as I gaze upon his face, making me laugh at his grim expression.
"You know Illumi, you were much more happier when we were younger." I snicker and watch a subtle blush creep his cheeks.
"So you remember your past now?♧~" Hisoka asks me, escorting me to the balcony.
"Still just bits and pieces but more of it now, I have alot to shift through and honestly I don't mind letting them come naturally." I shrug my shoulders and step into the moonlight, "I still think I don't need them."
"Master." Haiji comes and rubs his head against me, "I am pleased to see you well once more."
I pet his head gingerly, grateful I can always count on him. Such a loyal pet I swear, I am incredibly lucky. Realizing my aura and bloodlust still intense, I quiet myself and use zetsu.
"Can you tell me some of the memories you got back Flower?♧~" Hisoka walks over and joins me up against the railing.
Illumi also walks to the balcony behind us, standing in the door way, "I too am curious. How much you do you remember now?"
I proceed to recount my experience in the blacken water garden. I tell them about the flowers and the note from Chrollo. The random memories I seen and the new ones slowly flooding in still. They tell me their story as well and how they found me.
We spend the night together once more, purely talking. I question Illumi about the memories I have of him and the family. Hisoka talks of different theories and meanings about the words the voice spoke. All of us second guessing everything we thought we knew about myself and the Zarin Clan.
Trying to unravel the mystery that is me and what my purpose was before Kenji intervened. I slowly start to talk about the few memories that I was able to see of the day I was born.
"Sounds to me she was fairly strong♤~" Hisoka purrs lightly facing me.
"Strong or not the fragmented memories gave me some good information in a way. At least I know why I am so messed up now, truly Kenji will pay for this." My wrath dangerously growing with each word I speak, "I am not even sure who or what I am anymore. I'm blessed by the moon and cursed by the Zarins, this is such a puzzle."
"Even so, you are still an assassin of the Zoldyck Family even if you aren't human as we all already knew." Illumi speaks firmly.
Rolling my eyes, "That is true enough Ummiii. It is the one thing I am good at, killing and hunting." I laugh teasing him with the childhood name I called him.
Hisoka laughs lightly as he speaks, "And you are still my Flower◇~" He moves behind me and wraps his arms around around me waist, "No need to rush everything today ♡~"
"I know Hisoka, but I do need to keep training. I also wanna take time to try and figure out my thoughts. I may have gotten some of my memories back but I still dont know anything about myself and the memories just make everything more jumbled and confusing." I sigh softly, laced with frustration.
"Yukinaru, come take a walk with me." I watch Illumi step forward, he reaches for my hand.
Hisoka tightens his hold around me, not wanting to let me go, "Stay with me. Please don't leave so soon yet ◇~"
"Jester, let me go." I giggle once and push from him, "Go with Haiji to Yorknew City. Ready for my arrival, till then Hisoka."
I kiss his cheek and send him and Haiji on their way, curious to see what Illumi has planned. Now that I remember some things about my childhood, I wanna know more from my time here.
I walk along the hallways, now with more sense of belonging I never felt here before. I have spent most of my life here at this point now, no wonder the Zoldycks see me as family so strongly.
I hear Kikyo and Kalluto in the lounge room chatting idly, nearly diner time after all. Illumi is still leading me down the halls, familiar pathway once ago.
"Oh no you dont,"I freeze behind him, "I am not going to your room again.." I shutter remembering the shutter blackness.
"You haven't been to my room before, last time was a mere trick of your eyes. Remember you were outside." Illumi laughs lightly and reaches for my hand.
"Oh, I now remember enough not to fall for anymore pranks." Laughing hesitantly I step back.
"I want to show you something. No surprises." He lets a smile grace his lips and pulls me up next to him.
Not giving me a choice but to follow him further into the dark hallways. The walls are a dusty blue and simple gothic lamps adorn the sides leading down.
"I'm still not so foolish to trust your words sweet Umi," I start to drag my feet a little bit, worry growing increasingly strong. Even as a kid I don't remember venturing to his room.
"Come along Yuki" Illumi tightens his hold and pulls me quicker.
We make a sharp turn and descend down a spiral stairwell. Soon after he opens the black door to his room and motions me to sit on his bed.
It is the biggest bed I have ever seen, I run and jump onto the deep blue blanket. I right myself as I hear Illumi's laughter as he walks in. Looking around I take note of his layer, the bed sits directly center up against the back wall.
Two black wood nightstands on either side, one has a lamp and the other covered in different push pins. On the right side of the room sits a matching dresser and a vanity mirror on it. Something unquie radiating from the aged mirror, I shutter and turn to see Illumi walking to the corner to my left.
I watch him as he pulls up a floor board, dust particulars stirring. Clearly that has remained sealed for a very long time. He sticks his hand in and pulls up with it a simple brown cardboard box.
"What are you doing Illumi?" I question intrigued by all the mystery.
"This box contains assortments of mine, however I did keep some of your belongings hidden here when you left." He pulls out a black bag and hands it me quickly.
"Why didn't you ever tell me that we use to be so close?" I watch Illumi stash his treasure box once more, deep lines forming as my words land on his ears.
"You rejected the idea of getting your memories back. We all followed your wishes assuming you didn't want to remember. Plus I'm not like what you remember. I'm just acting the way you remember out of curiosity currently." Shrugging he sits next to me on his bed.
"You definitely changed from the child I remember that's definitely clear." I sigh realizing my existence could have been so different had I not been so afraid of myself.
"No, I just grew up." He points at the bag.
With Illumi having no intention of continuing the conversation I open the bag and reach in. I feel some odd knick knacks and something sharp.
"Is this.." I pause and look at him then back at the bag in my lap.
I pull out dagger that's just a little smaller then my palm, "It was your first training blade." Illumi speaks up and lays on his bed.
"Thanks, I'll look through the rest later." I smile faintly and quickly walk out his room, eager to leave.
"*Haiji, I'm ready now.*"
"*Of course Master*"
I arrive next to Hisoka in a marvelous room that could only belong to the higher floors of the tower. I thought we were gonna go to Yorknew but Hisoka always has a trick up his sleeve. He smiles devilishly and takes my hand, pulling me into a unneeded embrace.
"Missed me that much Jester?" Giggling, I push away from him, "What do you wanna do?"
"Well I think we should just relax tonight for once." He shrugs and motions me to the shower, "Clean up and ready yourself. I made arrangements."
After an hour of walking the sullen ally ways we finally approach an obscure pub. A worn sign hangs above the door and a single light illuminating up the name, Black Root.
As Hisoka opens the door, a little chime from the bell rang out softly. He bows holding the door open, letting me pass him in. A gruff looking barman stands behind the counter watching us take a seat infront of him.
Hisoka orders two glasses of whiskey and motions the bar-keep to leave us be. The atmosphere is actually fairly tranquil here and filled with light music and the stench of drunken men. Dim glow of lights dance on the faded red paint. Casting shadows on the walls like little burning flames. Such an ambiance I haven't felt in a long time.
Just him and me enjoying a simple drink. Such a breath I needed without even realizing it. No work, no fights, no training. Nothing else exist right now outside this place.
I watch the condensation build on my glass, a single drop trickles down the side. I stare lost in it, all the simple details of a drop yet marvoulsly it is still attractive in the light.
The soft melody of the music playing from behind the bar carries a mechonly undertone. Slight laughs drift from the corners of the pub, idle chit chat of the not so savory company here.
I sit and admire this small tavern, the sheer simplicity so unexpected from my lavish Jester. For once he understood what I really needed. The air in here is brisk like an artic evening reminding me home so much, I miss the cold. It feels so cooling and comforting. I smile and sip some whiskey. Hisoka just smiling at me all seductively, clearly pleased with himself.
"Tell me how did you pull this off?" I question skeptical of such an uneventful place. "Even at the most remote places, the taverns are always loud and rowdy."
"Illumi may have helped," he laughs and pointed to some of the patrons.
Sure enough when I focus I can see lumps of nen at the base of their necks.
"How did he... We were just..... you know what never mind. You two are something else I swear."
I roll my eyes and giggle, of course I feel so relaxed because I'm so well looked after.