Breaking the shadows

Happy halloween?

1998

Saturday October 31st.

I woke up this morning feeling a dark hole in my stomach like something werent meant to be, I couldnt really place the feeling, nor describe it anymore, so I got up, pulled a clean towel out of the closet and went down to the bathrooms. As I stood under the warm water I heard voices, at first I didnt care, but then they came closer and I heard my name. 

"You know mini Granger? Someone's Professor McGonagalls favorite huh?"

"Yes, like what is up with her, I heard she's getting paid to teach some of the first years art, she can't even draw herself."

"You are so right, and believe it or not she's a mudblood too."

I've heard enough, quickly rinse out the rest of my shampoo, wrap my towel around me and then run down to my dorm, feeling the tears coming.

But I keep them back, I can't cry. I dont even see who the girls were, I dont care either, I just want to disappear, just get me awat from here, away from the mean girls, away from the world. A place just for me, me and Ginny. I can't trust anyone, everyone only sees me as Hermione's little sister. Mini Granger, really? I'm not mini, I'm taller than Hermione, why do people have to be so mean? Why is this so unfair? Why cant I just be seen like me? 

The thoughts are spinning around in my head and I reach my dorm the water still running down my face, my hair still drenched. My room is empty when I enter, I dry my body, and then wrap the towel around my hair. I go to my closet and find a pair of overallls and underwear. I can't find a single jumper that I want to wear. 

After trying four differnt jumpers, I give up, one's too small, one's too itchy, one's way to big. I go to Ginny's closet and find a Gryffindor jumper and pull it over my head, the softness on my skin feels right and the smell of Ginny and her blossom perfume rushes over me. 

I brush my hair, but the brush kepps getting stuck, I'm so annoyed with my hair, I wanted it long in the beginning of last year, but after the war and everything I diddnt have time to cut it again, so now I just wear it up everyday. Finally after ten minutes my hair is fully brushed out, the waves in my hair doesnt make it any easier. But I have taught myself how to braid my hair, so I have my hair in a french braid almost every single day, also today. It doesnt take so long, but it was a struggle to learn, I had Ginny as my lab rat for so long, and when I had the technique down I tried on myself which was a lot harder, but I got the hang of it.

After braiding my hair I get down to breakfast. 

--

At breakfast I sit down beside Ginny and Hermione, they are talking about something, I dont care I'm not really interested in anything today. 

I take a piece of toast with jam and slowly nibble on it, my appitite haven't been the same lately, I don't know why, I just dont really want to eat anything and I get nauseous after so little so most days I end up getting a piece of fruit on the way to class. 

Hermione and I are going home today, and we are going to sell Astra's cubs too. They are not old enough yet, but they will be soon, so we better get them checked and ready for sale. 

--

Back in my room packing the last stuff before going home Ginny comes over to me, hugs me and asks: "Did you eat breakfast?"

"Yes" I lie.

"Did you eat anything else than that one piece of toast?" Ginny asks sceptically.

"Yes." I lie again.

Ginny: "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Why do I keep lying. I just can't stop?

Ginny takes a jumper from her closet and puts it into my bag and says quietly: "Here, I know it's your favorite."

"Thank you." I say monotonously.

"You know I love you right?" Ginny asks with concern in her voice.

"You've mentioned it." I say even more monotonously.

"What is up with you today?" Ginny asks, with a slight annoyance in her voice.

"Nothing." I say frustrated.

Ginny: "Please stop lying." She says camly.

"Argh" 

I get to my closet and slams the door shut. Ginny follows me, wraps her arms around my waist. She knew I needed that. I just needed her to hold me. To comfort me. 

"Are you sure you are okay?" Ginny asks after a while.

"Not really." Finally the truth, good job Harlow, you can stop lying now.

Ginny: "Did anything happen this morning?"

"Just some girls said some mean things about me."

Ginny: "Who?"

"Didnt see them."

Ginny: "But what did they say?"

"They called me McGonagalls favorite, a mudblood and they said I can't draw." I blurt out.

Ginny: "When did this happen?"

"Just this morning, when I was taking a shower."

Ginny: "They were being totally unfair."

"It doesnt matter, we can't do anything about it."

Ginny: "You can go to McGongall."

"Being called a teachers favorite is not a good thing Ginny, if I go to McGongall it'll only make it worse."

Ginny: "Forget them, they are not worth it. You'll just have to enjoy the break with Hermione."

"Yeah, I can't do anything else."

Ginny leans in and our lips touches in a soft gentle kiss, and just then Hermione walks in. 

"You ready to go?" She asks.

"Yeah I'm ready." I say. 

Hermione: "Then let's go then."

I kiss Ginny quickly again.

"See you in a week."

"Bye." Ginny says as we walk thorugh the door. 

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Puplished: 13-07-23