Geeky Turn On!

Attack of the Clones is pretty OK

 I entered Gatekeeper with the exaggerated swagger of someone who just got laid. I looked around and saw that The Phantom Menace had JUST ended, and that everyone was taking an intermission before Attack of the Clones started. I saw Gabe putting more popcorn in the microwave, Todd and Amy were sitting on a blanket close to the counter, Jolie was eating popcorn out of a bowl, and there were some other regulars I never associate with outside tournaments. Even Kevin was there; he musta gotten bored being home and decided to catch a Star Wars marathon!

"Whaddup homies, whaddup!?" I excitedly exclaimed, which made everyone turn around to look at me. I immediately regretted my decision.

"Congrats on getting laid," said Gabe, sounding bored. Amy and Jolie gave me enthusiastic thumbs up, and Todd looked confused.

"Yo, Red, what's everyone on about?" Todd asked.

"She's seeing someone," said Amy. "Yo, Red, way to go, girl! Screw what other people think and do chicks!"

"Gross, sis," Kevin said as he made a face. "I don't need to know any of this."

"Wait, how'd you guys know I got laid?" I asked, blushing like CRAZY.

"You're glowing," Amy said. "Your hair's a mess, you got lipstick all over you, and your top's on backwards."

"WHAT!?" I shrieked, looking down at my top. It really was on backwards. "(A whole slew of censored expletives) I need the bathroom!"

"It's good to pee after sex!" Jolie exclaimed, as the other patrons chuckled or outright laughed at me.

"The hell you chuckle heads laughing at?" Gabe loudly asked. "How many of you can claim they got laid this month? Come on, show of hands!"

That's when the whole store went quiet, though Todd, Amy, Jolie, and one other dude raised their hand. Wow, Jolie? Really? You go, girl! So I quickly entered the bathroom; it was a unisex bathroom with three toilet stalls and two sinks, each with a mirror.

I looked myself in the mirror; damn, Amy was right. I do have pink lipstick all over me. No wonder High School fainted! I washed myself off, took off my top, reversed it, and put it back on. That's when I noticed my smile had faded; the high I had from sex with April was gone without a trace, leaving only an emptiness inside of me. I sat down on the toilet, locking the door so no one saw me.

What the heck's wrong with me? I should be happy as clams that I finally got laid; instead, I feel like total dog poo now! It's like, I'm ASHAMED of me? I did something morally reprehensible? But I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I didn't understand this feeling, and it was eating me up inside. It sucked.

Now I'm crying? Why am I crying? I'm not SAD or anything, I'm just-

"Yo, Red," Todd called out to me as I heard him entering the bathroom. "You doing OK?"

"Yeah," I said as I wiped my tears, thankful he couldn't see me. "I, uh, just needed to pee. What with all that sex I had this afternoon."

"By the way, congrats on that," said Todd. "Who's the lucky gal?"

"Her name's April," I said. "She's, uh...younger than me, but-"

"So long as you two are OK with it and she's legal, that's all that matters," said Todd, sitting on the toilet stall next to mine. "So, Paige emailed me the other day."

"What'd she say?" I asked.

"Told me about her new boyfriend," Todd said. "Some YouTuber. He's pretty famous."

"I know," I said. "Saw a vid of his. Kinda liked it."

"I don't like his content very much," said Todd. I noticed his tone changed a little; like it had a bit of an edge to it. "But he's got his followers."

"Yeah," I sighed. "How'd he score with her?"

"You mean how'd they hook up?" Asked Todd. "Well, from what I can tell, he got wind of one of her streams, liked what he saw, and asked her out."

"It's that easy?" I asked. It honestly felt like a slap in the face to me, because I know for a FACT that that strategy would never in a million years work for me.

"Honestly, no," said Todd. "The dude's just not ugly, ya know? Plus he's charismatic, and girls like that."

"Was it like that when you hooked up with Amy?" I asked.

"Oh, come on, you were there," he said with a chuckle. "Remember? I was at this coffee shop when I saw this drop dead gorgeous musician play. I listened to her whole set, and when she was done I went straight up to talk to her. I ain't saying it was love at first sight, but..."

"Pretty close?" I asked.

"As close as one can get," he said. I could tell he was smiling, even though I couldn't see him. "So, what about you and April?"

So I told Todd everything about how me and April met.

"I'm happy for ya," said Todd. "She sounds like a good hook up."

"Yeah," I said. "Hey, Todd? Is it weird...do you ever feel, uh 'bad' after having sex?"

"Depends," he said. "Is that how you're feeling right now?"

"Kinda," I said, sighing. "I don't even know why."

"I hope you're not feeling guilty," he said. "There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex if both parties are consenting adults."

"She's so young," I said, sighing. "I mean, she's eighteen and I'm thirty four. She's hot and all, but it really does feel weird when I think about how young she is."

"There's the problem," Todd said. "You're not comfortable with the age gap. Daisy, you gotta do right by you, OK? If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it."

"But," I gulped. "I-"

"You're a beautiful woman, and you have a lot of good qualities," said Todd. "No lies."

"Thanks, dude," I said, tears in my eyes. Todd really is my best real life buddy.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" I heard Kevin's voice coming from outside the bathroom. I immediately got out of the toilet and ran to him, Todd following not far behind.

"Kevin, what's wrong!?" I frantically asked.

"Dude, you made out with April Mann!?" Kevin said, looking disgusted, as he showed me THAT video of me and April on his phone. "Sis, she's a messed up psycho!"

"Where'd you get that video?" I asked, my breathing getting harder.

"It's all over YouTube," said Kevin. "But that doesn't matter, sis; you're dating the LAST girl ANYONE should date!"