Geeky Turn On!

Rey Skywalker has bad taste in men

 We had finished watching Empire Strikes Back; everyone in the store was singing the movie's praises like it was 1980 all over again.

"I was there when the movie premiered back then," said an older gentleman who kinda looked like Mark Hamill to a teenager; probably his grandkid. "When Darth Vader said he was Luke's father, NONE of us believed it! Hell, I nearly fell out of my seat at that revelation!"

"What was it like?" I asked him, munching on some popcorn.

"Dang, it was like when Endgame premiered and everybody cheered when the Avengers came out of those portals," said the old man. "We were all shouting, screaming, some of us even saying that Vader was lying!"

"Everyone, we're having a one hour intermission before finishing off the night with Return of the Jedi!" Called out Gabe. "I got popcorn and drinks here, so come and get it!"

"Sweet!" Yelled out the teen who called Kylo Ren an emo...well, that word does not need repeating.

"Yo, Daisy!" I heard Paige call out to me, making her way through the crowd. "What a pair of movies, right?"

"It's the Star Wars Original Trilogy, girl," I said, grinning. "Best trilogy of all time."

"Hardly," said Jerkface as he sauntered over to Paige. "Star Wars is little more than pulp fantasy; a children's movie about space wizards with laser swords."

Ya know what? To hell with this guy. He's a Dorito fart.

"So Paige," I said, making a point to ignore Jerkface and to make him feel ignored. "How many Star Wars movies have you seen?"

"Not that many," she said, shrugging. "I mean, today's only the second time I've ever seen the original, and it's my first time watching Empire and Jedi. But I did watch the new ones."

"I see," I said, holding my tongue. No way was I gonna denigrate her taste in movies; if she likes the Sequels, I gotta respect that. "Whatcha think of them?"

"Ugh, they're awful," she said, wincing. "Sorry, it's just...that main character kinda blew, the main villain blew even more and he gave me creeper vibes, the black guy looked to be the main character in the first movie but then in the next one he got turned into a buffoon, then the Laura Dern character acted like a major jerk wad but we were somehow supposed to root for her because she was one of the good guys or something? And in the last one, there was this Palpatine dude who came outta nowhere and suddenly he's the main bad guy, and the Kylo Ren dude or whatever he's called is a bad guy for most of the movie, but then the ghost of his dad forgives him for some reason, so he becomes a good guy? And then the main hero kisses the dude after he brings her back from death somehow? I don't know, they're a mess."

She took a deep breath, then continued. "And what was WITH that main character, anyway? The John Boyega character is clearly into her, but she ignores him or treats him like crud for two movies straight even though the first one showed she might kinda like him, then she acts like a total B-word to the dude played by Oscar Isaac even though they didn't even meet until the end of the second movie, but she kisses the BAD GUY? I mean, I ain't saying Adam Driver's ugly or anything, but who has eyes for him when JOHN BOYEGA and OSCAR ISAAC are right there!? And what the heck did they do to Kelly Marie Tran!? They had her as a major character in the second movie, but in the third she's on screen for like a minute! And they did the same thing to Billie Lourd, CARRIE FISHER'S OWN DAUGHTER!"

Damn. If she weren't straight, I'd have fallen in love with her right then and there.

That's a joke. Kind of.

"To each their own, right Paige?" Asked Asshole. She nodded.

Go away, Jerkface.

"Anyway, Paige, let's get some grub," said Jerkface as he led Paige to the counter. Deep in my mind I was flipping this dude off so hard; I was giving him the kind of middle finger that's like a rocket that shoots up to the sky, explodes, and then rains like a million middle fingers down onto the Earth.

I sighed, then shrugged. Paige is cool and all, but if that's the type of guy she thinks is worth dating, then...damn, girl, you got worse taste in men than Rey Skywalker.

I got a text from April. I picked it up; it said "Star Wars movies tomorrow at Gatekeeper. Let's go!"

I gulped. Now would be a GREAT time to send her a breakup text! Just type in "Actually I wanna break up," and hit send. I typed the message, and...send.

Send.

Send.

Come on, Daisy, hit send. Hit send. It ain't that hard, just hit send. Hit send, girl. Come on, breaking up ain't hard to do. Just hit send. Press it. It's just a button. Hit send.

My heart was beating a mile a minute. My palms were sweaty, my knees weak, my arms were heavy. I'd probably vomit spaghetti if I had eaten any today. I gulped.

The world was swirling around me; I was hyperventilating, sweating profusely, shaking all over. I felt like crying, I felt like-

"Yo," said Gabe as he placed a hand on my shoulder. He peered over my phone, and sighed. "Hit send."

"I can't," I whimpered. "Can you do it for me?"

"Hell no," said Gabe. "Fight your own battle, Dorkwinkle."

"Please?" I asked, fighting back tears but giving him the biggest puppy dog pout I could.

"No," he said, crossing his arms. "If you don't do this here and now, you'll never be able to do it. You need to learn to take care of yourself, Daisy; I won't be around forever to bail you out, you know."

"I know," I said, my lip quivering. I took a deep breath, placed my finger over the Send button...and then I erased my whole message.

That's who I am, I guess. This is all I am, all I will ever be.

"Well, that's disappointing," Gabe said, shaking his head. "You've made your bed, Daisy."

"Wait," I said, gulping. I typed in a quick message.

"Can we take it slow? I feel we're moving too fast," I typed, then hit Send.

"You just put a band-aid on a festering wound," Gabe said, shaking his head. "You haven't solved anything."

"I just think that with time," I said, trying to find the words. "You know, I can get more used to the gap, and I won't mind it as much. Besides, we did go pretty darn fast; we've barely met a week ago and already we've-"

"Wow," said the older dude from before. Crap, I forgot all about him. "Bit of advice, kid? Age gaps aren't something you 'get used to.' Back in 2001, I was dating this eighteen year old girl; I was thirty one at the time, ya see. I tried to get her to like Disco and New Wave, but she was all about that Britney Spears pop junk. One day we got into a HUGE fight, and I acted like she was a child. Needless to say, that ended everything."

"Damn, dude," I said.

"Truth is, though, I never saw her as my equal," he said, shaking his head. "And that's anathema in a relationship. If it ain't between equals, it ain't gonna work. So, uh...keep that in mind, OK kid?"

"Thanks, bro," I said, stunned.

Did I see April as my equal? The more I thought about it, the more I realized...

No.

This will never work. I gotta break up with her as soon as possible...