Geeky Turn On!

Bojack Horseman isn't somebody you want to be like

  I got my first email address back in 1998, when Dad got us America Online. Now ya gotta recognize that the Internet of the 90′s sucked donkey pee stick compared to what we've got today; sure there wasn't any FaceBook or Google going all Big Brother on us all, but there wasn't any YouTube either. Ya had to wait a whole hour to finish buffering a two minute video with really poor quality, and you couldn't use the phone while you were net surfing. These days, we use our phones to surf the Net!

Anyway, my first email address was TopDawg666, cuz I was edgy as heck as a teen. Then I got sick of that email address, and went with TopBeetch666 cuz I was an even edgier sixteen year old. After that, I had to use DaisyDerriwinkle as my email address for college and professional stuff. For gaming, though, I use some variants of TopDawg because I'm no longer an edgy teen.

After checking my gaming email (which had nothing but promotional bullpoop) I checked my professional email. I had ten emails; none of them job requests, though. I could do some coding, but...eh. I didn't feel like it.

I saw I had an email from April, though. I clicked it...

Dear Daisy:

Thanks for the lunch date! I thought about it, and I figured out a day where you can come over to my house and have a "sleep over" with me!!! Swing on by this Friday; we'll have a good time! (Winky emoticon.)

With all the love in the world

April

And I was all "daaaaaaaaaamn!" I'm getting laid this Friday, yo! So OF COURSE I got up and did a happy little jig wearing nothing but my panties! I'm getting laid on Friday, bitches!

That's when I remembered that I didn't have her address, so I emailed her to ask for it. I checked the time; two in the afternoon? Dang, time flies when you're building a PC.

My stomach growled; I forgot to eat lunch. And breakfast. Dang. I decided to head back upstairs after putting on a shirt and shorts; Dad's reprimanded me enough for walking around the house topless.

"Sarah?" I called out. No answer; she must be off at work, like the responsible adult she is. Not like me; I'm an irresponsible adult who should die because no one would miss her-

Woah, I just went to a dark place...

I shook off my dark thoughts. I decided to open the fridge and see if I could make myself a sandwich; I figure I could wait till 5 PM, when Sarah would come home, and she'd make me dinner. Until then, a baloney sandwich will sustain me. I looked in the fridge, and there was no baloney.

"You should die" Said the little dark voice in my head. "Grab that knife and slice open your wrists."

I shook my head; these thoughts always come to me whenever I'm in a situation like this, where I'm all alone and nothing is there to distract me. It's no big deal, really; I'm just a bad person. A really bad person, that's who I am.

I'm like Bojack Horseman, only Bojack Horseman at least had a career to his name. Honestly, comparing myself to Bojack Horseman is an insult to Bojack Horseman, cuz I'm so much WORSE! I mean, the hell's RIGHT with me!? I'm thirty four years old, I still live with my parents...

Woah, hold on. Sarah's not my mom; she's just my stepmom. She's the really nice woman who puts up with me and who really puts up with a TON of crap from me for no reasonable reason. I mean, you already married my dad, woman! You won him over! You can stop being nice to me!

Woah, dark place. Why's my face all wet? Oh, right, I've been crying. My hands have been shaking pretty badly, too. Well, that wasn't good. Plus I think I dissociated pretty bad.

See, it's moments like this that explain why I can't drive.

Ya know, going to that dark place made me lose my appetite; I went back to my room to...I don't know, play some PlayStation 4 or something. I popped in my copy of Persona 5 and continued where I left off a week ago. Ahh, Futaba's temple...

I identify with the character of Futaba Sakura so damn much, and it's not just because she's a bespectacled red head like me (though she dyes her hair.) She's a gamer, like me. She's a shut in, like me. But unlike me, she's bi. The game never confirms it, but a LOT of the comments she makes at Ann are the type that NO straight girl would ever, EVER say to another girl! I'm absolutely sure Futaba's bisexual, or at least bicurious!

Anyway, Futaba. She's just....so cool, ya know? And I really admire her character for her hacking and computer skills, which you don't see many girls do in anime, or Manga, or ANYTHING. Plus she's autistic, like me! I really, REALLY like Futaba!

I spent three whole hours playing Persona 5. It's not my favorite game in the franchise (that'd be Persona 4) but it's fucking awesome and it's one of the best RPGs ever made.

"Daisy!" I heard Sarah call from upstairs. "We're home! Are you hungry?"

"Yeah!" I called back, getting up from my floor and turning off my PS4. Finally, food!

Sarah brought home some turkey baloney, some veggies, and bread; she made me a damn good sandwich. I scarfed it, no lie.

"Hey, Daisy?" Said Sarah as she sat across from me." Thanks for helping Kevin today."

"He told you?" I asked after swallowing what I was chewing.

"His computer died yesterday," Sarah said, sighing. "A thousand dollars down the drain...Honestly, what happened to Apple? They used to make such great computers!"

"Jobs died," I said. "So now Apple makes computers that only they can fix, and sell them at high prices because they can get away with it."

"Oh?"

"Used to be that Macs were made for people who didn't know anything about computers," I explained. "But then Apple got more business oriented, and so they started making computers for people who know computers. But the people who KNOW computers know that Macs are for scrubs; we make our OWN comps, thank you very much!"

"And what brand would you recommend?" She asked. "For a college student?"

"First, I wouldn't go at it from that angle," I said after swallowing another bite of sandwich. "Most computers use Windows as an OS, so there's not much difference between them. It's all about the specs; how much memory ya need, what ya wanna do with it, etc. Once ya got the specs down, it's then all a matter of finding a comp that has all that you need and want."

"So, are Macs bad?" She asked.

"They're overpriced," I said after finishing my sandwich. "You said so yourself; that MacBook Air cost a thousand bucks. That's a six hundred dollar machine, all truth be told. Macs ARE pretty, I won't lie, and they're almost unhackable. Plus the Mac OS is really accessible for creative types, having so many programs installed. But in all honesty, I'm better off just building my own PC than buying a Mac."

"I see," she said, getting up. "You're really good at this, honey. You should start a business making computers, fixing them; I bet you'd be happy doing it."

"I guess," I said, shrugging. When she put it like THAT; maybe...

No, I don't think I can start my own business doing that. I don't know anything about business. But Sarah's pretty smart, what with having a PhD and all...

I'll never understand why she bothers with me. I'm not worth her time...