Geeky Turn On!

A lesbian and a pastor ride the bus to the beach

  Oh shoot oh crud oh man I'm sitting next to a Christian. I'm a little gay lesbian, in a strange town with a history of being mean to little queer folk like me, and the dude beside me is a Christian. I'm in danger, a LOT of danger! OK, here's the plan: keep my mouth shut, smile and nod, and if anyone asks, Paige is just a friend I'd miss too much. That sounds plausible, yeah!

So the dude was just reading his Bible, and I'm just sitting beside him on the bus. A lesbian and a pastor riding the bus to the beach. Yup. That almost sounds like the start of a corny joke with no punchline. It'd be really funny if it did have one, I think.

I keep expecting the dude to turn around and ask me if I've accepted Jesus or something; if he does, I'll just say I did, and be done with it. Yeah, that's a plan. A good plan. I like it.

"Excuse me," he said to me. I'm ready for his bull. "I've noticed you've become a bit uncomfortable; are you alright?"

"Yeah," I said. Bring it on, Preacher Man. I'm ready for the hate.

"I know what you're likely thinking," he said, smiling as he adjusted his glasses. "Don't worry, I won't proselytize. I know you tourists; you just wanna hit the beach as soon as you arrive. I won't bother you, I promise you that."

"OK," I said. That's not a relief, but I'll take it.

"Sorry," he chuckled. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah," I said, immediately regretting it. I just told this total stranger that I, a girl, am all alone. That's dangerous.

"Bethany's great for all types," he said, smiling. "Families, college kids, lovers; even a single girl can enjoy herself down here! Who knows; maybe you'll even meet a special man here!"

"Ehhh," I smiled awkwardly; I have NO interest in dudes, but I wasn't gonna let him in on that!

"Oh! Not that I'm hitting on you or anything!" He began to laugh awkwardly. "I mean, I'm already close to fifty; I shouldn't be flirting with some young twenty something! Plus, I'm already married!"

"Thanks, but I'm thirty four," I said, blushing a bit. Hey, he said I'm younger than I look; that's a nice compliment!

"Oh I see," he said, blushing. "So where are you from?"

"Kansas."

"Ahhh, the land of Dorothy!" He said. "Seen many tornadoes?"

"Nah," I said. "Most of the time, you just hide in the basement, away from them. They come, they go, and if you're lucky that's the end of that."

"Amazing," he said. "My oldest daughter went to Kansas to study University!"

"Really?"

"Oh yes," he said. "Unfortunately she didn't meet a good man there, but she did get a diploma!"

And there it is. Just when this guy was starting to grow on me, he hits me with that old school sexism.

"My poor girl, though," he said, sighing. "She just can't catch a break, you know? I wish she'd meet a good man, one who can be a good provider for her."

"I see," I said, no longer as invested as I was.

"What's your take on this?" He asked. Hooo boy, did I wanna rip this guy a new one. "You seem like a modern woman who's "with it." What can I do to help my daughter find happiness?"

"Getting married ain't the be all, end all for girls anymore, man," I said. "Lots of girls these days are finding plenty of fulfillment working jobs they like, having good friends, and living the lives they want."

"That makes sense," he said.

"Besides that, I think it's unrealistic for women to just consider marriage their endgame," I continued. "Because, it's like, what if we wake up one day at age thirty, and we start thinking "oh shoot, I wasted my life?" Because she got married at eighteen and had to build a life with her husband instead of living hers to its fullest, you know? Even if it was her dream to get married that young, there's always gonna be that "what if?" that'll keep them both up at night. That's not something anyone wants, right?"

"I suppose so," he said. "I guess...I thought what made me and her mother happy, would make her happy too."

"Life changes between generations," I said. "My Dad's generation didn't have to deal with what mine did: school shootings, terrorist attacks, a media blitz..."

"We had our challenges," said the preacher dude. "But you have a point; my father's generation was very different from my own. It's really easy to forget that for our own kids, too."

"I actually pity kids these days," I said. "They live in a world where they literally can't escape reality. You get on Facebook, you're flooded with news. Get on Tumblr, you're being groomed by pedos. Get on Twitter, you're exposed to brain dead bullshit."

I gasped and clasped my mouth. "Sorry for the bad language."

"I don't mind strong language if it comes from a true place," he said. "I think I need to talk to my daughter, help her find her happiness."

"That's a good thing to do," I said. "Make sure you LISTEN to her, though, OK? A lot of the times, we girls don't feel listened to. Especially by men."

"I'll try doing that," he said. "Well, here's our stop!"

The dude and I got off at this bus stop by the beach. It was a lovely sight; seagulls walking around the sand, the grass swaying with the sea breeze...I could live here.

"Daddy!" I heard a girl call out. I looked over and saw the preacher man wave at a girl.

"Brandi, honey, I'm back!" He said to the girl. Then he turned to me and said "Thanks for the talk, miss. I'll keep what you've said in mind and heart. Enjoy the town!"

"See ya," I said, waving at the dude as he left with his daughter.

And now, time to find Paige...

Dang, I just realized I don't have her address. I decided to email Sam, asking for Paige's home address, but as soon as I opened up my phone, I noticed she already sent me an email.

"Figured you'd be there by the time you get this," she wrote. "Paige lives in 125 Beachside Road. Good luck!"

So I decided to go to 125 Beachside Road...which I had no idea where that was. In fact, I had no idea where I was, besides the name of the town. I figured I could open up my Google Maps app, find the place I was looking for. Turns out, I was five blocks away from my destination.

As I walked, I started to like this place more and more. It was so hard to believe that Sam got chased out of this town for being gay. One thing I did notice, though, was that there was an ice cream stand beside the boardwalk, and at the end of the road I could see a church.

I managed to get to the address Sam gave me. It was a nice house; two stories, looked old-ish, but well lived. White picket fence, lawn flamingos; as All-American as it got. I gulped, walked up the steps, and rang the doorbell.

"Yes?" The preacher answered the door. "Oh, it's you! How might I help you?"

"Sorry, I might have gotten the wrong address," I nervously said. "Um, I'm looking for my friend; her name's Paige Thompson. I heard she lives here, but-"

"Paige, honey!" The preacher called into his house. "You have a visitor!"

"Oh, you know her?"

"I'm her father!" He chuckled. "Pastor Timothy Thompson, at your service!"

"Daisy Derriwinkle," I said, shaking his hand.

"She says her name is Daisy Derriwinkle!" Said Pastor Thompson as he turned his head inside.

I could hear someone rushing down the stairs. Suddenly the most beautiful woman in the world pushed Pastor Thompson out of the way, staring at me in shock and disbelief.

"Hey," I meekly said. "Wassup, Paige?"