To Infiniti & Beyond

Chapter Eighteen

Grayson came over after work and he's staying the night again. I drove us to Wawa so we could grab a late dinner and snacks for Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift.

Back at my house I set up the movie and we settle down to eat. It's a comfortable silence as we watch the movie. I could sit and look at Gray never saying a word for all of eternity and be completely content, I just enjoy his presence.

With that thought, I glance at him and smile.

"What?" He asks.

"Nothing." I blush.

He rolls his eyes and covers my face with his palm lightly pushing my head back in a playful way. I lick him and laugh as he quickly moves his hand away.

After we've finished eating he offers to help me clean up, I make him stay put and watch the movie.

I come back to my room, turn off the light, turn on the fan, and light the candle I bought with his opinion earlier in the week. I join him in bed and we snuggle together.

He gives me a kiss on the forehead and I give him a kiss slightly below his jaw. The arm he's holding me with goes under my shirt and he traces patterns on my skin. I grab his free hand and fidget with his fingers.

We don't end up watching the whole movie, he falls asleep about halfway through and I follow suit shortly after.

He stirs as the end credits play. It wakes me up, "are you okay?"

He looks at me, gives me a soft smile, kisses me four times, pulls me closer to him, settles back down, and drifts off in an instant.

It's been two days since Grayson slept over, and we don't have plans to see each other until my birthday which is two days from today.

I'm watching tv when I see my phone light up in the corner of my eye. Without looking I open the text.

It's my dad.

I start to hyperventilate as I read, "pick a day this week to go to dinner for your birthday."

My body goes on autopilot as my hyperventilation continues. The line rings twice before my brothers voice seeps through the speaker, "hello?"

I start sobbing.

"What's wrong?" Jake asks unphased. I've always been the more sensitive of us two.

"Dad texted," I choke out. "I can't."

"What did he say?"

"He wants to take me to dinner." I take deep breathes between every couple of words.

"Are you gonna go?"

"I can't be with him. It's too hard." I say while sniffling.

"What if I go with you?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"I'll go with you."

"Okay."

I don't like my birthday. I haven't for awhile now. The last time I had a party I was 14. The last time we attempted to celebrate my birthday as a family I was 16. I am now turning 19.

It's one of the two days a year my parents pretend to put aside their differences - the other day being my brothers birthday. Some think it's sweet, for me it's just miserable. The night is typically filled with silence - words have said and words wishing to be said linger through the air between the conversations spoken through the night.

Not to mention, I hate attention. Being put on the spot has never been appeasing to me. That's all thanks to my social anxiety. I'm good in small groups, but anything over 5 or so people at a time tends to overwhelm me.

I also don't like receiving gifts in abundance, it makes me feel guilty. I would rather my friends and family spend their hard earned money on something that would make them happy. Seeing them happy makes me happy, and that's enough for me.

Once I have myself composed, I take a deep breath and text my dad back before silencing his notifications. Out of sight, out of mind.

I spend the rest of my night cleaning my room. Grayson calls me on his way home from work, we spoke for about two hours before he excused himself so he could go make dinner.