To Infiniti & Beyond

Chapter Thirty-Four

My car's wrap has been done for over two weeks now. I've hung out with James and Beau, as well as Eva, on multiple occasions. Brynn is still off doing her own thing, even more so since we got back from Florida. Maya has yet to visit home.

I've been trying to distract myself from the fact that Grayson's birthday is in four days.

Brynn thinks I should reach out. She's always been our biggest supporter. She hasn't seen Grayson in over a month, but apparently he and Jaxon still talk. The last she heard was that Grayson and his ex were official again.

When she told me that, feelings I hadn't felt in I don't know how long resurfaced. I miss his presence in my life, I still wish often that things could've turned out differently. I just hope she's able to give him what he was looking for, and I genuinely hope he's happy.

To distract myself yet again, I find myself reaching out to Jake and Beau.

Jake says they're at dad's house and I make my way over.

Dad isn't home yet again. I take this opportunity to speak freely.

I explain what went down between Grayson and I. Jake thinks if Gray comes back I shouldn't pursue it. I want to agree with him, but we'll cross that bridge if we even get to it.

Beau was sweet about it though, he goes "at this point you're my sister. Anyone who hurts you has to go through Jake and I."

To which Jake agrees, "if anyone ever hurts you, let us know."

We got to joking around about who I'd call first if a guy ever laid a hand on me, and other scenarios. It lightens the mood but it also makes me realize how fortunate I am to have brothers who love me so much and take pride in being people I can confide in.

It makes me emotional to look back and see how far they've come. From the time they were five and six harassing me, to now 16 and 17 only wanting to protect me. I mean, I still get the harassment, but it's all in good fun now.

The dreaded day is here - Grayson's birthday.

I bite the bullet and break no contact. "Happy Birthday, Gray. Enjoy being 20!" Short, sweet, and to the point. I won't hold my breath for a response though.

I turn my phone on to not disturb. As Laura Jean Covey from To All the Boys I've Loved Before would say, "my life was a mess, but I could clean my room." So, that's what I did.

I cleaned for hours. I went to check my phone and was confused as to why there was no notifications before remembering that I put it on do not disturb. The second I turned it off, his notification is the first to appear.

Anxiety rushes to my chest just seeing his contact photo. I took a deep breath and read "thank you Kie."

I smile at him adding my nickname, it made the message feel more personal.

It hurts to know that I'm not the one making his birthday special. She's going to be the one going out to dinner with him and his family. She'll be the one that stays with him at his beach house. She'll be the one bringing a smile to his face.

The more I think about everything she gets the opportunity to experience with him, the more I hurt myself. I do what I haven't done in nearly two months - I cry myself to sleep.