To Infiniti & Beyond

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jake called me today. Out of all the people he could've asked, he invited me to go with him to look at a car. I'd have to drive of course, seeing as he doesn't turn seventeen / get his license until early June and we're only in mid May.

When I asked him "why me" he caught me off guard by telling me he wants me there.

The first thirty minutes of the drive is silent with the exception of the music I have playing. When Jake puts his phone down for the first time in a while, I decide to strike up a conversation.

"How are you?" I ask.

He fills me in on school, work, how our cousin is doing on the racing circuit (seeing as he has continued to go to some events even after I left), and his girlfriend. Like I've said before, Jake and I have never really been close - actually, most of the time we spent growing up was filled with arguments or silence; sure there were good times, but it was never anything extra special - hearing about his life unexpectedly hurt. He's growing up and I'm missing it.

Curiosity gets the best of me, "how's dad?"

"He's okay, he misses you though."

"I know." Since my birthday he's reached out a couple of times telling me such. I internally battled on whether I should reply at all - I did, and I meant it when I said I missed him too. All of my rotten emotions still linger though. How could someone say and do those things to their own daughter? I put my dad on a pedestal - he could do no wrong in my eyes. Then I grew up. He didn't like that he couldn't manipulate me anymore. He didn't like that I wouldn't allow him to belittle me anymore.

Jake and I get to talking more about what happened between dad and I. He's actually being really insightful. Unfortunately I've also learned that since I was no longer around to help out with keeping the house clean, the mental abuse has started to transfer off of me and onto my brother. Jake takes everything dad says with a grain of salt, but his mind is not invincible - I just hope he'll be alright.

Hearing Jake's thoughts on the situation really shows how much he's grown and matured as a person these past ten months. Talking with him has been easy and refreshing. Our talk is cut short as we pull up to the 2006 red Subaru WRX Jake will be taking a look at today.

While Jake gets out to inspect the car, I get lost in my thoughts. I know everything happens for a reason, but growing up I was a complete bitch to my brother. Some occasions my attitude was warranted, a majority of occasions it was not. He's shown me nothing but love and admiration, he's always been one of my biggest supporters. If I could take it back, I would. So here I am now vowing to myself to be a better big sister, I owe it to him.

Looking at the car went successfully and the price is right. Jake and the seller arrange for the sale to be completed next week.

When Jake re-enters my car he's absolutely beaming. "I can't believe I own a car, and it's manual!"

I shake my head as I laugh, "congratulations." Jake's smile is contagious.

As we continue down the road to go back home, due to the silence I get lost in my thoughts yet again. Grayson leaving my life so abruptly puts it into perspective how anything can change in such a short amount of time.

Since the six of us hung out at the park, it's been radio silence on his end on all forms of contact. It hurts, and I've thought of breaking no contact on multiple occasions, but what would I even say? The Gapplebees group chat has been dead for a handful of weeks now - it's depressing. I went from living my life to the fullest, out consistently; to now rotting away alone in my room. So, I decide maybe it's time to attempt to patch things up with my dad.

I voice my thoughts to Jake, anxiety coursing through me. He thinks it's a great idea and volunteers to be a mediation between my dad and I to lessen the chance of an argument.

Back at my dad's house to drop Jake off, he asks if I'm coming in. I don't want to lose my nerve, so i hesitantly agree.

As Jake walks through the front door, he announces that I'm here. To my left as I enter the living room, I look down to see my dads shocked face sitting in his brown leather recliner chair.

I muster up all the courage I possibly can and mutter out a meek, "hi."

"Hi," he responds in a dry tone - neither of us know how we should act.

"Can we talk?" And we do. For almost two hours.

I couldn't get him to see his wrongdoings - his narcissistic tendencies don't allow him to. I did however manage to get a sincere apology. I made him promise to never say anything about my mother's boyfriend, I expressed that he does not know the man therefore he has no right to have a negative opinion of him. Jake thankfully didn't need to do much mediating.

Before I go to leave, he gets up and hugs me. I am overcome with emotion and just start uncontrollable sobbing. My dad used to be my best friend, it's been so long since I felt the warmth and love from one of his infamous bear hugs.

I walked away feeling content with the progress we made today. I feel as though I've started a new chapter in my life. I just hope this one has a happy ending.