𝐋𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 | Fem reader x Gojo Satoru

Unspoken Feelings

I listen to Satoru's heartbeat as I lay in his arms. I attempt to synchronise my breathing with his, but then I realise I'm probably overstepping a boundary by doing this. I remind myself of the clause in our agreement which states that if either of us gets 'bored' with one another, the deal is off. I don't want to get too attached, as I feel like Satoru getting bored of me is quite inevitable.

I prop myself up on my elbow and watch as his eyes flutter open.

"You can't sleep?" He asks and I nod. "Want another round?" He says with a wide grin as he leans towards me, but I push his face away with my hand as I laugh.

"Not right now." I respond and he lets out a dissatisfied sound before turning his back to me. I sit up and reach for his shoulders, running my hand along them and pulling down the duvet to expose his upper back. I begin to give him a massage and after a few seconds of silence he lets out a satisfied moan. "I'm sorry, you just tired me out earlier." I whisper in his ear and he turns his head back, capturing my lips in a gentle kiss as he once again turns his body to face me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Why did you have a bad day?" I ask him. I know I'm pushing things, but enquiring about his day is hardly a sign of attachment, right? Right? He looks down at me with an emotionless stare. "You said you had a rough day..." I continue, nervous at his lack of response and worried that I may have caused him to think that I believe this is more than just exclusive friends with benefits.

"Yeah." He finally responds. "Just family things." He says nonchalantly and I nod understandingly, setting my head back down on his chest and not expecting any further explanation. Satoru lets out a long exhale. "They told me it was a matter with the family business, that I was going to be attending a business lunch." He continues and I look up at him, trying to conceal the shocked expression on my face that he's actually continuing the conversation.

"Turns out, it wasn't. It was some kind of set up, like an arranged date between this random girl and me." He finishes and I feel a pang of insufferable jealousy. Even though Satoru and I have had sex many times, we haven't even been on a date. But we're not dating, so how much more should I even expect? "They're always doing this shit. Trying to build an empire through my dating life." He continues.

"It must be difficult having that much pressure on you." I tell him and he lets out another sigh. I trace my hand over his chest and collarbones, marking out the lines and curves with my fingertip.

"It is." He says simply. "I think if I brought anyone home to them they would be ripped to shreds before my eyes." He says with a chuckle but I tense at his words. I remember what Geto told me, the PI, how Satoru's ex fiancé had cheated on him and used him and he'd found out through his family's research. Despite his lighthearted words and laughs, I know that deep down he's struggling to trust again.

I want to open up to him too, I want to tell him things that have happened in my life, about my fucked up family and how my past relationships went to shit. I want him to know that he has someone who understands him (as Shoko says, we are very similar.) I want to be able to reciprocate his vulnerability with my own.

I know that I can't though.

I know that if I open up to him in a way that I've done to barely anyone before, I'll have formed an undeniable, un-breaking, one sided emotional bond with him that would rip me in two once he leaves.

Because he will leave.

"They probably care about you." I tell him, even though I know they most likely are trying to protect their family name by their actions rather than Satoru's feelings.

"Maybe." He replies and I know that he now thinks I don't understand. He thinks that I'm someone to see the good in all people (it's quite the opposite), that I'm someone who would accept the way his family acts because they may or may not care about him. It feels as if a knife is being wedged into my heart as his misconceptions about me are practically tangible. "Or maybe not." He finishes. The final blow, I was right.

"Or they care about your family brand." I add quietly, just in case I'm wrong in my assumptions. He turns his head to look down at me, and I look up at him.

"What do you mean?" He asks and a wave of nervousness crashes over me. I stop tracing his chest and retract my hand to my side.

"I-I don't know I mean... if they're trying to set you up on all of these arranged dates, it doesn't seem like they have your best interests in mind." I say simply.

"Elaborate."

"We-el, it seems kind of forced. And dating to create an empire?" I quote his earlier words "That's never going to create a stable relationship. It's just... they're not acting in your best interest." I follow up, trying not to demonise his family as I do so.

"That's exactly what I thought." He says as he looks back up to my bedroom ceiling and I let out a long exhale. It seems that I've managed to strike the perfect balance between respectful and inquisitive when it comes to questioning his family's motives, but I'm sure both he and I know that the Gojo family is only concerned with their wealth and not Satoru's wellbeing.

Now that I'm happy I've made my thoughts clear, I'm finally able to relax as I drift off into sleep in Satoru's arms.

*SATORU'S POINT OF VIEW*
He watches you as your eyes shut and your breathing slows on top of him. He would attempt to fall asleep now too, but he's too shocked that you thought the same thing as him when it comes to his family.

Most women that he's been with want him for his family and status, so he's surprised that you're able to criticise them freely. Then again, you're probably able to do this because he's put down boundaries. He knows he's made it clear that a relationship is not even vaguely on the horizon, so you have no need to flatter him or his family.

Satoru thinks its good for him to have someone honest like you beside him. Because the two of you hated each other in the beginning, there's this kind of brutal truth that remains between you. It's something which seems to pull him towards you, a magnetic force almost. Nevertheless, he knows he can't get too close.

He's tried to commit before, he's got attached before, and just look at what happened to him. Never lucky in love, always a uncontrollable variable holding him back, and always being used. That's how Satoru would sum up his dating life since he can remember and it's caused him to put up countless walls around him.

Despite this, here he lies in bed with you. A few weeks ago he refused to even stay over at a girls house after sex. He looks down as you move slightly in your sleep, pushing your face further into his chest as he tightens his hold around you. It all started when he accidentally fell asleep the first evening you two slept together.

Now that he thinks about it, you've always managed to have this calming effect on him. He shuts his eyes tight in an attempt to block out his turbulent thoughts. He would rather remain in denial about any feelings he may have for you than confess them and end up causing pain for both himself and you.

Because, just like the other times he's got attached, this can only end in pain.

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Author note: Please enjoy this fanart of Gojo and Geto in suits, it makes me feel like I'm going to explode. Credit: @ gekdwen on twitter but I think they're banned rn :(