Rainbow friends oneshots

Vent (I'm sorry, but I feel like shit these days)

Sry, guys, that I haven't uploaded a chapter. But I felt like I should let go of this stress but talking to my friends wouldn't work, because they are the type that they would do something I don't want them to do.  

Let's get to the vent.

The reason, I've been upset these days, is because of my mother. Actually, I always felt stress because of her everyday since I was a child. Though, when I was a child, I've been more through I think. But now, more older I get (I'm 16 now), she expects more. So when I do a small mistake, she gives me  advice. Giving advice is ok. But she says it like I'm doing every part wrong. So i feel like everything i do is wrong and I don't have any self-confidence.  

She also comments about my personality a lot. Like, I'm scared of talking to people or make any eye contact with them. It makes me nervous. But everytime i do that, she says that I'm pathetic(not exactly but I couldn't find any closer word). She says I need to get over it. But she gets impatient, because I've been scared of it since I was a child. I'm trying but she says I'm not. So I kind of feel useless. 

Because I'm the oldest sibling in my family, I always have to take care of my 2 little siblings. I don't mind that. But, my mom blames always me when they do something wrong (unless if I'm in school). Also when my sister does a lot of times wrong,  my mom lectures her but she gives her a lot of chance. But when I do something wrong, I will get punished at the 3rd chance. And since I kind of get jealous of my siblings, my mood always gets bad. My face looked already like if I was about cry or I was about to kill somebody,  so when I fell upset, my face gets worse. I'm also bad at faking my expression. So when a guest is here and I make that face, she gets angry that I shouldn't do that. I am trying but she still says I'm not. 

Last week, my sis graduated and we celebrated it. We did what she wanted to do and I also had fun. When we did karaoke, I also sung a song I wanted to sing. But my mom said that, that the voice doesn't fit me so I should try another song. So I told her:" I can sing what I want." But she replied:" yeah, but i think it's a waste. Sing other songs that fits your voice." And of course I felt upset and I had a bad mood. So I sat in the corner of the room and stared at the celling. Then my sis asked if she can eat the chocolate from the chocolate fountain. I told her no bcs I didn't know how to get the chocolate fountain work but kinda with a rude tone bcs I had a bad mood. She didn't mind my tone, I think she was kind of used to it or she understood why I was upset. But then my mom comes in the room and told my sis how to make the chocolate fountain on and then turns to me. She said that, I shouldn't be rude to her and I should stop making a sad face. She asked me:"Think about your sister. How do you think she feels now? She may graduated, but she still had to say goodbye to her friends." I understood that. But I can't do anything about my feelings because I can't control it. I know she feels sad but I can't do anything about me being also upset.  She started to lecture me and I couldn't hold in so I started to cry because I'm a crybaby. She got angry and then asked me what she did wrong this time as if she said that she did nothing wrong. When she asked that, I wanted to say a whole list but at the same time, I didn't want to. Because I was scared what she might do. I was scared of her but I didn't want her to know, because I didn't want to make her upset. I still love her bcs she is my mother. But I'm still scared of her...

That was a long vent even though it was only one part of it. Can you maybe give me advice? Am I only being dramatic or is my feeling normal? I hope you guys can tell me.