I Told The Stars About You

4. Proud

I woke up when my alarm went off, I was tired. I checked my phone, and I saw some texts from last night.

Georgia: Good luck, we're extremely proud of you! Forever our baby goat! We love you.

Lucy: Good luck kid, I'm sure you will smash it! We're always by your side!

Keira: I'm so proud of you Al, watching you success is everything I could ever ask to do. We love you guts.

My eyes watered as was reading the texts, especially Keira's. I loved them so much, I still felt empty though.
I looked through my window, it was still dark. I usually set my alarm 2 hours before I have to wake up, because I like to wake up early. I think I can use this time to make a better version of myself, I always try to.
I want to success, I want Georgia, Lucy and Keira to look at me, and think, 'damn I'm so proud of her'
People usually worked they butt off to make their parents proud, but instead, I did it to make my only loved ones proud, because they were my everything.

I was in my garden doing my morning workout.
My whole body hurt, but it was worth it. I loved that feeling, my friends told me not to overwork myself, but it felt so right.
I just wanted them to be proud.
I finished my workout, I stretched my muscles a little bit, and then walked to the bathroom to take a cold shower.

Water splashed my uncovered skin. I felt my muscles relax, the cold water slided through my body. Soon, thoughts started to run through my mind, I started to overthink.
'What if they don't like me?'
'What if they think I'm not good enough?'
'Or too young to play with them?'
I was ridiculously anxious, and I was drowning in my own thoughts.

I got out of the shower, trying to avoid all those ridiculous thoughts.
I wrapped a towel around my body and stared brushing my hair.
Suddenly, I felt as if I was about to run out of air. I dropped the brush, putting my hand in my chest, trying to breathe, but I couldn't.
1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3
1, 2, 3
Georgia always told me to do that when I had panic attacks, but this time was different, as she wasn't by my side.
I tried to catch my breath but I couldn't, I growled in pain. I slammed my fist against the wall,
'why was this so difficult?'
I clenched my jaw, as I felt a little bit of blood running down my hand. I leaned my hands against the sink, trying to breathe.
After a while, my breathing became more regular. I washed my hands, I saw the water, now red stained because of the blood flowing down the sink. Then I put a bandage on to stop the bleeding.

I had breakfast and got ready to go to sign my new contract, also my fresh start.
As I drove to the Arsenal grounds, I listened to some music. My fingers tapped the steering wheel at the beat of the music.
I heard my phone buzz, Keira was calling.
"Hey Ke Ke."
"Morning, how do you feel?"
"I'm quite nervous, but I'll be alright." I laughed nervously.
"I'm sure it will be okay.
"Yeah, I guess." I said sighing.
"Just let you know that we're extremely proud. And I've already said it hundreds of times Alex, I did, but I really mean it." Keira talked softly, listened while parking my car.
I could tell Keira was kind of worried, and I felt so bad about it.
Keira continued talking when I finished parking my car.
"God, Alex. I still remember your first day with the team. You were so small and innocent, and didn't know anything about how things truly worked." Keira laughed quietly as she talked, but I could feel her eyes were already watering.
"And fuck, life never was in your favour, but you still kept fighting. And I can't help but feel the luckiest person in the world, because all you do is to make us proud. And yeah, we're so proud, we really are! You have the purest soul a person could have. The way you see life, and all the unconditional love you show everyone year after year, makes me feel nothing but lucky." Keira's voice started to break down, I could hear her quiet sobs. I really loved her, she was my family, they were my only family.
"Today we're no longer by your side anymore, well, physically. But Alex, we're always with you, no matter what. Because we love you, a lot. And we'll miss you like hell, and it's going to be so fucking hard Alex, it's going to be so hard. But all of us know you will make us proud. I mean, you are fucking Alex Russell, you can literally do anything you set your mind to. I want you to live your best life out there, because you deserve it, you deserve the world. And again, as I said before, watching you success and be happy is everything I could ask for. You will do great out there, I know it. " I could hear Keira cry, and she was right.
I would do everything I settled my mind to, for them. Because they were my biggest supporters, and my family.
"I love you so much and I'm so proud of you Alex. Remember that." Keira was now balling her eyes out, so was I.
"I love you so much." I told her, almost out of breath.
I leaned my head to the steering wheel.
"Good luck kid, call me when you get home. Everything is going to be alright. Love you."
"Alright, see you. Love you Keira." I said hunging up.
I took a deep breath and I couldn't hold it in anymore, I broke down.
They really cared, and I felt loved, extremely loved. The feeling of knowing the are proud of me was indescribable, completely indescribable.