so far this is my life

my life?

So my life is a mess and I don't exactly know how to fix it and I'm trying but it's a little difficult because I mean I'm single now and I don't exactly know how to cope with that because usually after a breakup I just jump right into a new one and I'm not doing that this time I'm working on myself and I really miss my ex which is who I just talked about in the last Chapter and so I'm trying really hard to like keep a leveled head and to just focus on things that I truly need to focus on but that is difficult when all I keep thinking about is Kye and I shouldn't I know I shouldn't but like I can't help it because I mean I miss them so yeah.

And then on Instagram today this guy I don't even know what he looks like I mean from his profile picture he looked really cute but that's a really small picture so I don't know if he's actually cute or not which is fine it's whatever i'm not going to date him but he was so straightforward about it he goes hey so I really like you and would you want an online date and so my awkward **** when I finally saw the message I had very politely explained to him that I just got out of this relationship I'm trying to work on myself and I am not wanting to date anyone currently and then I'm positive that me and Kai are going to get back together. And so I'm really hoping that we do get together again and that we can make it work like I said in the last chapter cause I really love this girl I really do. And I don't exactly know what to do about it because I've never actually had someone like straight up tell me that they have a crush on me and that they find me attractive and like they want to date me I mean I've had several people be like hey you're pretty cute or like they'll randomly ask me out or someone will form a crash and then I figure it out later on and then they finally tell me but by then it's too late to tell me if that all makes sense.

By the way, this is all by voice command, so bear with me, yeah. I was talking to my friends about it at least two of them and one of them hasn't responded and the other one I haven't fully talked to about about it yet because I just I don't know I haven't talked to her about it and I would tell Kai I would but there's really not much of a point I guess I don't know if there's a point because I mean there's not much she can do about it and they wouldn't be a point it's just a guy who has a crush on me and that's whatever i'm not going to date him and hopefully he will understand that I don't want to date him either so I guess we kind of just have to go by that to be honest and I mean hopefully he'll he'll understand that that like it has nothing to really do with him it's just I'm not ready to date right now and I'm only really wanting to take this one Pacific person and yeah.

And then I keep going back to like personal issues in my head and like family issues and like friendship issues one issue is the whole Carmen thing that I keep going back to where she keep she kept doing lies about me and rumors and trying to just **** up everything and it's a lot And I shouldn't be thinking about it because it shouldn't be bothering me this much but it does. And I don't honestly know why it is but it is and it's just very random times that is actually bothering me my earlier I don't know half an hour ago it bothered the **** out of me to where I was just yelling at my wall because I was so peeved. And then there is these other conversations to where 4th of July happened in my sister decided to believe whatever rumor she was hearing about me instead of coming and talking to me to figure out the truth that that also **** me off and it still **** me off like to the point that I just want to like slap her across the face i'm not going to but I want to. And me and my other sister Georgia have gotten along better so woo and then there's my brother Michael who likes to call me a monster whenever he sees me so there's also that issue that **** me off a lot. And then tomorrow I'm going with my mom to my aunt's house to go visit because they were in the hospital well I guess to day saturday they were in the or no Friday they were in the hospital my bad my bad so we're going to visit them this Sunday to day technically by default well by whenever y'all read this and so we'll and then me and her are going to go meet my dad and we're going to go see this movie that I have been dying to see and I was supposed to go see it with Georgia and her friend Christina but that didn't happen so I'm going with my parents which isn't a big deal I honestly don't mind I just like seeing the movie and yeah like I don't mind being with my parents I don't care they don't do much to embarrass me I don't really do much to embarrass them and it's whatever. But I was originally supposed to go with my friend Samantha we were supposed to go on the 4th which was a Friday right yeah that was when we were supposed to go or I think it was Thursday it was a Thursday I believe but we were supposed to go and we didn't because I was going to go with my sister and then Friday night I was texting or not Friday Thursday night Jesus Christ I'm sorry thursday night I ended up texting Sam about it and I was like hey would you like to go see this movie Friday Saturday or Sunday just like let me know I wasn't really counting on Sunday or on Saturday because I kind of had plans.