so far this is my life

sorry?

This story itsnt targeted to anyone. Its literally to everyone who does what i said in this chapter. Deal with it.
I haven't written in a while. Hi guys! So, life is updated, sorta? Uh, one of my crabs died along with my fish 2 days later, which was so much fun. I ended up finally getting 2 more cards, so now I have 3 of them. Found out a guy likes me, bit he's low-key, really gross regardless of who he is, so that was fun. Blonde and I broke up and were staying friends in until further notice. I'm okay. I've been having really bad headaches, but that's normal for me. I'm trying to be more social, which is..well, as expected, a little difficult. Anyways, I occasionally think back at things, and some of those things are fights. Now, a while back, I was told that I played victim a lot and put the blame on this one person. Maybe that's true, but again, this is my book where I put what I feel and what I want to put in here. It doesn't matter what it is. Anyways I do blame people, especially if something is their fault, and they never actually took the time to realize why we were fighting because they did something, and it hurt me. Now, I could've talked to them and figured it out before it got to the fights, but I don't ask for help. I never have, and I never do. I refuse to ask for help. And then I blow up at people.  But when it's someone's else fault and they repeatedly hurt me and they do it on purpose yea eventually I blow up and I yell and I will scream and say things even if I don't mean them right then and there. I do apologize, and I will apologize like crazy depending on who you are and when I feel the need to apologize. But they never apologize. Expect maybe a very small handful of times and let me tell you. Yes, it's nice you finally apologized to me, but that shit is not enough. With the shit they put me through, an apology is not enough. You'd need to do a lot more than "I'm sorry I made things difficult " or whatever you wanna say. No, you need to apologize and to make shit better and to say you didn't mean anything you did and to fucking listen to me when I tell you whatever I gotta say. What's funny, though, is I'm kinda done with everything. Yea, you piss me off, but there's no point in letting you know I'm angry. There's no point in telling you that I'm upset or even wasting my breath on the matter. You are just slowly falling out of my life, and that's okay. At first, I didn't think it was okay, but when I looked back at everything, it's okay. You're slowly leaving. I'm slowly getting better. Everything falls I place at one point or another and that's okay. It's okay to lose people. What's not okay is to keep certain people close to you when all they do/did is hurt you. You have never felt guilty for treating me the way you did and that's fine. I've gotten over it with the occasional anger that randomly bubbles ups inside of me. I feel fine with how everything turned out. I feel fine knowing that I will find someone else and so will you. Yes I still love you. Yes, maybe in a few years or after school, we can try this again. But I'm not gonna wait forever. I can't wait forever.  What I'm going to do is let you do what you gotta do, and you gotta let me do what I gotta do. I'm not waiting for someone forever. I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that I'm a happy ass person when I'm really not. I could care less about a lot of people. I could care less about your friends or people in your life. I want you to be happy, but I'm not gonna pretend I care when I don't. I don't care what you do at this point. I'd you want to be with me you'll do the right things. You'll treat me better. You'll actually make time for me, and you won't let things get in the way of spending time with me. That was never my fault for a fight. You were constantly busy. Constantly always doing something else, or you would never tell me where you are or where you're going or what you're doing. I literally would sit here for hours bc I was so fucking worried and all it ever did was start a fight. I'm tired of fights, so again, if you want me to make some actual changes or leave, me the hell alone. And for one last fucking time. DO NOT. Text me or call me about what's inside my book. You have no right. When it comes to my book, you have no rights or opinions. So either read it and shut the hell up or idc.