so far this is my life

I'm basically alone.

So, there's a new update again, yea its been i think a day since i updated last. Oh well, onto the rant, ig.

So i dont talk to anyone, right? we all know that? Good, none of my friends bother checking in on me, which i think is pathetic, but whatever. I feel like i am kinda just a placeholder for everyone and everything until something/one better comes along, and then im forgot about because why would anyone need you unless they need a placeholder? I have one step sibling for the moment and two half siblings sorta. My best friend is closer to Jorja, which is the stepsister im still counting as a sibling right now. And that's fine, just slightly annoying, but yk, it's whatever. Christina chooses Jorja over me and then its Michael, her half siblings, husband, kids, friends, family, animals, plants, etc etc and then at the very bottom of all of that is me. Her very least favorite person is alive. I dont exactly know why she hates me so much, but she does. She will deliberately go out of her way to hurt me in some form of way, but when i return the favor, im the villain, and she's the victim. My mom is usually on my side, but then there is everyone else. She couldn't even wish me a happy birthday on my birthday, but she can write a whole ass paraghrap on Facebook to jorja on her birthday. Does it every year. She even writes paragraphs on facebook to jorja bout how much she loves and misses her. Does she do that for me? NO. Not at all, which i think is highly unfair. She's constantly treating me and jorja differently. Jorja can go out and do whatever she likes to do, but im stuck on a leash bc somehow im un trustworthy, which everyone literally knows is the opposite of me. I dont care to get into trouble. I like my freedom and being able to go out and do shit. I dont ever leave the house because i have no friends, practly. I have the few but were all busy on the wprst days ever, so there's that. And for homecoming if jorja also goes i bet you Christina will come over and help her out and forget about even bothering ton help me out which is very very annoying and no matter what i do will never be enough or good enough for christina to like me even in the slightest bit and at this point i know, i should give up and just forget about it and im going to its just annoying to be surrounded by constantly. 

My friends and me never hang out and i mean they have jobs and life gets in the way so i understand the very few friends that i bother calling a friend at this point and when school starts im getting a job and im going to busy up my weekends by going to humane societies to do volunteering work. I just dont have the time or patience to be waiting on people my entire life, so instead, im going to change it and make it worth something. Either im single or im not, and as much as i love Kye, they are not going to stop me from doing this, and i am not going to put my life on hold for anyone. I am not going to let someone try and talk down to me in any way. I am not going to sit here and wish i was dead when i can be doing something with my life and thats what im going to do while saving up for schooling so i can get that started and then imma save up for a savings account for if im in emergency's then boom! Im saving up for living on my own, even with roommates. Im going to move out as soon as possible. Im going to graduate high school as soon as possible. I am going to do whatever it takes to get out of this house. I love my mama, so im not gonna go far away just enough away to get out of this place and not have to deal with family bullshit. Im so tired of this bullshit man, thats all it ever is.Is just drama and "family" members trying to hurt other people or just straight up being dicks about everything. Cough cough Christina. I am just so ready to get my life started. I am ready to leave and to be able to do whatever i want without Christina trying to find a reason to critize me somehow. which is all shes good for and making you feel like shit because to her your just the up most awful person alive and you don't deserve anything good in the worl everyone.Worst part is you cant rlly talk to anyone about anything because no one will be able to help you, just gives you weird advice or you get yelled at or told your being dramatic or you worry your ma. Im just tired man. Not physically tired but mentally and emotionally exhausted and yea. I know when school starts itll be worse and im sorta prepared but ya know. I just hope that this year is differnt.

Screw all of the miss spells and the not correct wording. either you understand it or you dont.

Anyways thats it for now lovelys. Goodnight