HIS LOVELESS PROPOSAL

CHAPTER 26

Chapter 26

Bata pa lang ako noon nang makasama ko si lola Luisa sa Cebu. Hindi ko na nga masyadong naalala pero alam kong napakabait niyang lola. She spoiled us a lot, her grandchildren. Nasa first grade yata ako nun no’ng pumunta kami sa Cebu para bisitahin sila at magmula noon ay hindi na kami muling nakabalik. I didn’t have a lot of memories with my grandma but it still hurts me knowing that she’s no longer her with us.

Hindi ko pa nakitang umiyak ng ganoon si mama, siguro napakasakit para sa kanya na mawala si lola gayong hindi pa naman sila nagkakasama. Kaya nang gabing ‘yon ay hindi ako umuwi sa bahay, nanatili ako sa tabi ni mama para pakalmahin siya. Hindi na nagawang i-text o tawagan si Elijah kaya kinabukasan pagkauwi ko ay galit na galit siya.

“Where the hell have you been, Nice? I was so worried!” he spat angrily and it shocked me. Ito ang unang beses na sinigawan niya ako ng ganito.

“I was with my mother, Elijah. And please don’t shout at me.”

“Why didn’t you text me, then? Bakit hindi ka man lang tumawag na nandoon ka pala? I didn’t get enough sleep because I was so worried!”

“I told you to not shout, please!” I heaved a deep sigh. “masakit ang ulo ko, Elijah. Wala rin akong tulog kaya please? Don’t shout at me.”

I look at him pleadingly, I couldn’t care about the pain invading in my heart again. I just feel so numb, I just wanted to rest and stay away from him.

He sighed and brushed his hair frustratedly. “I’m sorry, wife. I was… I was really worried. I thought something might happen to you. Hindi ka kasi nag reply o sumagot man lang ni isa sa mga text at tawag ko. If only I could stop the meeting and all my appointments to come to you, then I would. Pero hindi pwede kasi para naman sa atin itong ginagawa ko. Do we have a problem, wife? Can you talk to me, please?”

His eyes became gentle and solemn, I couldn’t take my eyes off him but I knew better. Gustong-gusto kong pag-usapan itong namamagitan sa amin pero h’wag muna ngayon. Ang dami ko ng iniisip at para ng sasabog ang utak ko. I’m also worried about my mom, babalik ako mamaya sa bahay para bantayan siya dahil ang mga kapatid ko ay nasa eskwela.

“Can we talk for some other time? I’m really tired, Elijah.” I said, he looks like he doesn't want it but he nodded afterwards.

“Atleast let me kiss and hug you, wife. I so damn miss you.” His voice were shaky and before I could answer him, he embraced me tightly. 

It hurts me so much knowing that this marriage of us will crumble anytime soon. I thought I was prepared pero hindi pala, hindi ko kaya.

Ayokong umiyak na naman pero dahil sa mahigpit niyang yakap ay tila binalot ng init ang malamig kong puso. My eyes became teary and before he would notice it, I wipe it way. Sa sitwasyon namin ngayon ay mas maayos kung mapag-isa muna kami. I couldn’t bear the pain and I’m scared it would also affect the baby.

Hindi niya alam na buntis ako, at mas lalong hindi ko ipapaalam sa kanya ito hangga’t hindi naaayos itong namamagitan sa amin.

“I miss you so much..” he heaved a deep breath and kiss my head. “I miss hugging you. I miss kissing you. I miss all of you, wife. Everything.”

No. It shouldn’t be like this.

Umiling-iling ako at bahagya siyang itinulak. Pagod ako at ayokong mas mapagod pa dahil sa kanya. I also miss him for goodness sake. Miss ko nang gawin ang mga bagay na matagal na naming hindi nagawa pero ngayon, sarili at ang anak ko muna ang iisipin ko. I need to set aside this feelings for now. I need to think about my feelings and self too.