shattered soul [teen wolf]

[chapter eighty seven] where is my mind?

'✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

Aires pov...

Three weeks had passed.

Three weeks full of showers. And nothing had happened. The voices were back but I hadn't gone insane, yet, and neither had Lydia. Nothing was happening and it was infuriating. No moves had been made and everybody was stressed, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Blake had slept in my bed every night since, my one constant, the only person I wanted to be near. He was getting tattoos to cope, covering more of his already inked skin. Lydia was coping with painting. And I was coping with water.

But no matter how many baths or showers I had, I still didn't feel clean. I didn't know if I would ever feel clean again. And I was scared that because of that, my body was once again broken.

'✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

Aires pov...

"You don't have to go in there, not now, not ever." Blake whispered with a stern look in his eyes.

"I have to, they are all counting on me."

Standing outside the clinic, Blake had his arms crossed against his chest, giving me the same words he had the whole ride to Deatons.

"Fuck what they want." He shot back with a scowl.

"It's not what they want. It's what they need." I had to go in there, to hand myself over as a lab rat and help them because it was my fault, I was the cause and I owed it to everyone to try and fix it. "They need me to go in there and help them. It would be selfish not to go in there-"

"No the fuck it wouldn't." He protested. "You're killing yourself over and over again trying to help them, you have helped them for years- destroyed yourself just to help them. You can sit this out-"

"I cant." I choked out with a shake of my head. "I can't sit this one out, Blake. The dread doctors are here because of me, they are doing all of this because of me. This is my fault. This is all my fault- everything is my fault. I need to fix it- I have to fix it."

There was a burning desire in my veins, one that ached for me to take something, any form of a drug. I had been feeling it since the moment I got out of Eichen House, I had been feeling it for weeks and for weeks I fought it.

I had to stay clean.

I had to.

And because he could read me, he could see how badly I needed to help, how I needed a distraction. "Okay. If that's what you want to do then I will be there with you for every step of the way."

"Thank you." I shot back, a ghost of a smile on my lips.

"I hope one day you find peace, I hope that someday you won't hate yourself for being born, for existing. I hope that day you smile, and it's real. I hope you win it all because you are a good person, Aires Hale, and I believe in you."

His words did something to me, to my soul. It was as if his words had put something small back together inside of me.

'✧∘* ೃ ⋆｡˚.

They all knew what the dread doctors were trying to do, what they were trying to create. They knew it all.

They were trying to bring back a supernatural force to create the ultimate weapon.

"What do you want me to do?" Aires muttered in a lifeless whisper, ready to once again be someone's guinea pig.

Around the room, Stiles, Malia, Isaac, Blake and Chris all exchanged silent looks.