It's Always Been Briar

Chapter 36.

Briar's P.O.V.

What the fuck have I done?! I have completely ruined everything.

I can't even blame him. I can't blame him that he and Lenyx have been fucking for the past few hours.

I can't stop crying, I don't know what to do.

Why did I think this was a good idea, it wasn't. I should have cancelled the plan when Lenny insisted on the drugs! I don't even know how he got them. Maybe he saw the Gatorade when I went into the bathroom after we had finished?

I don't know.

The worst part is that he thinks I gave him the drugs! He thinks I tricked him! I would NEVER do that. I hope he knows that deep down. I wanted nothing to do with the drugs. I just wanted to have a good time.

I wanted them to fuck so it was out of their system. That way I don't have to question for the rest of my life if River wondered what it would have been like to fuck Lenyx.

Stupidest. Fucking. Decision.

I can not figure out if he saw the Gatorade, was thirsty, and drank it. Or if Lenyx gave it to him?

My heart is completely shattered. I know he knows that, too, because I've been stupid enough to let them know I was watching.

1. I gasped when they fucking kissed. I was in complete shock, I still am honestly. Then Lenny was staring at me over his shoulder while she was giving him a hickey. I thought I was going to be sick.

2. When they were making out after River asked if he could show her how much he loved her and then he fucking made love to her! I could not control my sobs when that happened.

3. Like 5 mins ago when he is nicely fucking her up against the wall in front of the door for everyone to see. She told him she loved him and he said he loved her too after peppering her with kisses. I literally got up, screamed FUCK, kicked my chair into the wall, and walked through the living room to the kitchen.

I'm honestly a whirlwind of emotions and anxiety while they just continue to fuck the night away.

I am sitting at the island thinking about what the fuck to do.

I stare at the clock on the microwave and watch it click to 5:00am. This is the worst night of my life. I would give anything to go back to when River and I walked in from our first fucking date. I thought I was out of tears but I was wrong. They just keep falling down my cheeks. No use in trying to wipe them away.

'What did you think was going to happen when Lenyx and River finally fucked? That it would be out of their system and she would be fine with that?' Chase asks me as he sits down on the stool next to me.

I look up at him, I look into his eyes, and I tell him the truth. 'I don't know.' That is all I say looking back at my lap.

Chase chuckles and continues talking to me. 'I know how you feel right now because I feel the same way. But when River finds out about the drugs, that you didn't drug him. Plus, he will find out Lenyx knew and is playing him right now and didn't say anything. And that they were HER drugs. Everything is going to flip upside down again.

Keep your head up, Briar, I think this is going to turn out fine in the end. Well, for everyone but Lenyx. He is going to fucking flip shit on her. I hope I have a front-row seat! Just make sure you are calm, clear, and honest with him. Oh, and wait for him to come to you.'

I don't even know how to acknowledge what she is saying. He sighs.

'Briar, you might not believe it but he is thinking of you right now. He is so fucking in love with you that it's ridiculous. And it's not this "I love you" bullshit that you hear them saying to each other. I don't know if River has told you that love isn't a big enough word to describe how he feels about you?'

I nod.

'Yeah well, that's why they started saying I love you to each other to begin with. Because caring about Lenyx wasn't enough to describe his emotions. He has never been "in love" with her because you filled that spot when we were 12 and he only has room for you, in that specific spot. Only you can fit in his "love of my life" spot.

He compartmentalizes.

I wouldn't be surprised if River feels like sex with her is just the next level of expressing how he feels about his friendship with her. It's a way he can say things without talking. And let's be honest, sex is something he is good at.

He has never wanted a relationship with her because she is meant for the "girl best friend slot". They will never be more than best friends, well maybe not even that after tonight.

Anyways, I don't know how Lenyx actually feels about River but she has been trying to get into his bed since we were like 14 or 15. I don't think she wants a relationship with him, she just wants to have a piece of him. Since we have been in college I've noticed that it's extremely hard for her because she has watched girl after girl take pieces from him when she couldn't.

You are River's end game, Briar. Lenyx knows that better than anyone. She used your relationship to finally get her prized piece of River.

I mean, who was it that helped y'all get together? Well, accelerated it?

Lenyx.

She talked to both of you on the same night to push you together to get her plan in motion.

I'm so sorry, Briar.'

He says as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in for a hug and I rest my head on his shoulder.

'Thank you so much, Chase. I'm glad you are single now. You deserve better and I know you'll find it. I hope you and River patch things up soon.' I say in my super quiet voice.

He laughs and says. 'I will agree with you on that, I am glad after all this that I'm single. I mean that's why she broke up with me because she knew he'd never touch her if we weren't.

But it doesn't matter. River and I will be fine after I ease up on my attitude with him but I think he is going to have a little bit to say to me after he learns some key bits of information.'

'How are you so calm about all of this? I don't understand.' I ask him.

'Because she was never in our relationship for me. I realize and understand that it was always to get closer to River. But it's not his fault, he might not realize it now in this moment, but he was used just like I was, just like you were. We will all be fine, we are going to move forward from this.'

He squeezes me, gets up, and walks out of the kitchen.

Fuck.

Who would have thought that Chase Bryant had the answers?