It's Always Been Briar

Chapter 44.

Driving in my car, sunglasses on, with the love of my life sitting right beside me. We are almost to my grandma's house in Temecula.

After my phone call with my parents, I did what my mom suggested. Briar was still sound asleep so I went to the kitchen to make us dinner. I'll tell you what, if you looked at my google search history you would see:

- can you eat salmon when you're pregnant
- can you eat Cesar salad when you're pregnant
- what should you eat when you're pregnant
- how much caffeine is ok when you're pregnant
- how much water should you drink when pregnant
- can you have too much sex when you're pregnant
- is anal better when you're pregnant

I was worried about making her something that she can't eat. So even after all the googling, I think I played it safe with roasted chicken breast with garlic smashed potatoes and green beans. I made a fuck ton of green beans and kept adding them to her plate. I also kept refilling her water glass from the pitcher of ice water that will now be accompanying every meal.

She did get a little sassy. Telling me that just because she is pregnant, it doesn't mean she needs to eat so much more, she just needs to eat a little extra. I know that, but my daddy instinct tells me she needs more, more, more to provide for our baby. That makes her laugh because I'm being "overprotective and overdramatic". But I won't apologize for wanting to provide, nourish, and protect my family.

'Darlin.' I say while looking over at Briar.

'Yes, love?'

'You wanted to come back, right? You want to be together and you're not just here for the baby's sake?' I ask her nervously with a super tight chest.

She looks at me and blinks a couple of times before telling me. 'I've always done what other people want and what has been expected of me. This right now, with you, is the first time I've done something for myself because it's what I want. I am here because I want to be here, River.

I'm so sorry that you think I only came back because of the baby. But I'm telling you, I would honestly be sitting here with you in this car, with or without a baby in my tummy.

I was ready for everything to go back to normal after about a week. But I decided that we needed a little bit more time. Then when I took the pregnancy test and it was positive, I wanted to call you right away. But I wanted to wait until the doctor confirmed everything.

I know you would have been by my side and as supportive as you are now. But I needed to make sure I would be ok, by myself, if you said this isn't want you wanted.

I don't doubt your feelings for me. I know how much you love me, but a baby changes everything. I just wanted everything to feel like it was in order before I knocked on your door.'

I understand that I really do. It hurts but I get it.

'I get it, love. I wish you didn't have to go through that week without me. I understand why you did. Just next time I'm going to be there, from the very start.' I smile at her. She smiles back at me and squeezes my hand. I bring our hands up to my mouth and give hers lots of kisses to make her giggle.

We pull onto my grandma's street and when I pull up towards the driveway, the gate opens. My grandma has this really cool system that opens the gate when your car drives past these sensors on the road when you approach the property so you don't have to wait for the gate to open. It's so fucking extra but also really cool at the same time.