Unbroken Souls (Spencer Reid x Reader POV)

Chapter 34

I was woken up by the sound of panic coming from beside me, and quickly I came to realize something was wrong.

"Spence, wake up! Baby—" I sat up and shook him awake from a nightmare, fear flashing across his eyes as he quickly grabbed my wrists to push me away and slightly startling me in the process. His grip was only on me for a second before he fully came to consciousness and realized he was safe.

"It was just a bad dream, you're okay, you're safe Spencer" I said to him as he sat up and looked around the room. I turned on the bedside lamp and could see the tears that had escaped his hazel eyes. I pulled him into a hug, cradling his head and shushing him as I tried to help calm him.

"I— I'm sorry..." he started to say before he fell quiet again.

"Was it one of the usual nightmares? Henkel or the diagnosis?" I asked him softly and I felt him start to calm a little more. He lifted his head and held my hands, I squeezed his tightly as he took a deep breath.

"Sort of. But this time they merged again. Henkel had you, and I couldn't do anything about it. I- I tried but everyone said I was crazy and seeing things. Whatever I did, it just... I..." his breathing had slowed down a little more but he was still shaking.

"Spence, come here" I pulled him back into a hug. "I'm right here, everything is okay. Have you been having headaches again?"

"No, not in a few months" he answered.

"Oh my baby, I can't imagine the anxiety this causes for you. I want you to remember that whatever happens, I'm right there with you. And moreover, every doctor we've sought out hasn't found anything to suggest the development of schizophrenia. I know I can't bring you peace of mind about it, but each passing day is one day closer to the window of onset closing" I told him, slowly rocking us back and forth to try and calm him.

"I know... I'm just... I can't control this and that scares me. What happens if one day I wake up and I end up just like my mom? I see her pain and struggles with this illness and I– I'm scared" his voice was quiet and shaky; I know these are the kinds of thoughts that take over his brain some days but rarely, if ever, does he speak them out loud. Spence still struggles with vulnerability, which makes sense from the trauma he experienced when he was young. He learned quickly that when you become vulnerable, there are people who will take advantage of that. Thinking of him in those situations broke my heart, and despite how hard we try, we can never erase the pain of these early memories.

"What did the last doctor say about your concerns?" I asked quietly.

"He said everything was fine, there was nothing abnormal" he sounded defeated. I knew he wanted answers and control over this, and while I would move mountains to give him what he wanted, this was one thing I couldn't do for him.

"I did some research, or as your team called it, I 'pulled a Reid' and found two world-renowned geneticists. One is relatively local, the other is in England. I didn't know if you'd be interested in connecting with them, but if that's something you might want to try, I have all of their information for you." I felt his heart rate start coming back to baseline as he lifted his head from my shoulder to look at me.

"You did that for me?" he seemed surprised.

"Spencer, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, I love you" I paused and kissed his forehead, looking back into his eyes that were still glistening from tears. "I just wish I could bring you some peace of mind. It kills me to see you hurting like this... I wish I could make it better".

"You make me better, Charlotte. Nobody would ever care about me enough to do something like this... I love you. Like more than there are stars in space kind of love you, which is infina-" I cut him off with a kiss.

"There's my precious genius" I smiled as he kissed me back.

We eventually got back to sleep and before heading to work we sent his files to both of the geneticists. It was only a matter of time until we heard back, and during that time we kept busy to keep his mind from worrying too much. We started cooking dinner together every night after work, going to more of the team outings, and doing a weekly date day where we would take turns bringing the other to a special place in the city. His of course were more academic based such as the Shakespeare Library, the Smithsonian, and more. I took him to the little cafes I found when I first moved to DC, and the small places I would go to read or think. At one point we even went to Nevada for a weekend to visit his mom again, and the following day he took me to the park that his mom took him to all the time as a child. Seeing him with his mom, and getting to relive some of those good childhood memories filled my heart. He truly was the most special human in the world, and there was no doubt in my mind that he was the one who would be my forever.

About a month later, I was in my office writing up a case plan for a new client we had just intervened with last night on a call when Spencer came bursting through the door.

"Yeah, okay I've got her now, I'm putting you on speaker" he said as he moved his phone to my desk. He looked at me and mouthed the words "it's the geneticist" before pressing speaker.

"Okay, well Dr. and Mrs. Reid, I have reviewed your scans and medical information in their entirety and have some updates for you" the doctor said through a heavy British accent. Reid grabbed my hand as he nervously balanced on the edge of my desk.

Mrs. Reid... god I love the sound of that. Did he tell the doctor he was going to get me and the doctor just assumed we were married? Whatever, I don't even care... that just has such a good ring to it. I snapped back to reality as Spencer's grip tightened on mine.

"The good news is that I really don't see anything out of the ordinary here. I know that doesn't bring any answers as to why the migraines happen and why it causes sleep deprivation, but foundationally your brain is picture-perfect. As per your inquiry about genetic makeup and schizophrenia, I have run every possible test on your genetic makeup and coding. At your current age, Dr. Reid, I can't tell you with 100% certainty that there isn't a slight possibility of developing schizophrenia, but luckily for you, that possibility is less than a 1% chance" the doctor said, and Spencer sighed with relief and relaxed his grip.

"Thank you, so much Doctor. This truly does bring a great amount of peace to us both" Reid said as they wrapped up the conversation. Once he hung up the phone he picked me up and spun me around in excitement.

"I can't thank you enough for your help with this. I really do feel much more at ease" he pulled me in and kissed me hard.

"I'm so happy for you, my darling" I smiled at him and kissed him again.

"The team is probably looking for me..." he trailed off, pulling me back into his embrace.

"You get back to work... tonight, we're celebrating" I whispered the last bit and playfully nipped his earlobe before I separated from the hug and sent him back to the BAU offices.

As soon as we get home tonight, I'm going to give this man a run for his money... more than once.