You'll Regret That Alpha

Chapter 11: "Surprise."

  It's been a year since that day her Jasmines and Honey scent filled my brain and intoxicated my senses. I've never felt so electric and filled with purpose. It was only us that day; I finally noticed her big brown eyes that looked like chocolate pools I could swim in forever, those full lips I wanted to nibble and peck all day, and the way her curves ate that checkered dress she wore. She made me feel like a man. She was the one to be mine to protect and love for eternity. My Jadah.

I gave myself heartache and an erection.

I sometimes walk over to Lucas's house when I need to clear my head and wander to her room to get my fix; just to feel like everything's right in the world, and that that's our room. I like to think she's just out grabbing groceries or doing whatever girls do and'll be back later to cook for us and tell me about her day. I took her flannel dress as a memoir.

Ever since I marked my "mate", life's gone to shit. The burning accusatory stares I feel as I walk around the pack house, and the disgust oscillating through me as I keep the show going. I'm living a lie but it's all for the people I tell myself.

I wonder if Jadah loves kids...

I've been feeling perturbed with this rogue issue, they've been sighted around these parts more than usual and banding together which, for rogues is unusual. To top it off, my wolf abandoned me around the time I need him most, the ties between us have been severed; I can't shift. I was warned but I was too pig headed to listen and take heed to his warnings. I just couldn't tell my parents, my pride wouldn't let me own up to my wrongs and admit I needed to fix myself. He's gone now and I have to deal with the consequences.

I can't lose this. I've lost my mate and my wolf. It's the only thing left to connect me to the pack or else I'll have to be human and leave the pack.

What Alpha can't shift?

I watch from the side lines as my pack trains and run around in wolf form without me, giving me the pitied glances because I can't join.

They'd break me at this rate.

The only wolf attribute I still have and hold dear to my heart is my alpha tone. I use it when necessary because it's slowly fading away, and if I use it too much it lowers an octave. Pretty soon it'll be completely gone.

My beta Lucas runs and is in charge of pack activities, while I do the paper work. We're a team and we both do our part to keep the pack running efficiently. If I didn't have him I don't know where I'd be. I would never get anything done.

I feel like a pile of old thread diminished from a once cashmere sweater. I thought I did everyone a favor but I lost myself.

I see the aftermath of my carelessness, of my pride, of my ignorance. I put Jadah through so much and I can only pray to the heavens that she can feel my remorse through our bond and come home wherever she is. She's the other half that I can't live with out.

I locked myself in my room, the darkness surrounding me, comforting me as I took a big inhale of Jadahs' scent letting it paint bright colours in my mind. I exhaled letting the colours fade away. A knock on my door interrupted me,

"You okay in there?" I heard Kim ask from the other side of the door."It's been three whole days since we-I've seen you." She whined.

Opening my eyes I sighed heavily sitting up, placing Jadahs' dress on my head."Yeah I'm fine."And with a reluctant sigh she left me be, her heels clicking away from my room until I heard her no more.

I closed my eyes again and fell back on my bed, letting myself drift into Jadah.

I then heard a blood curdling scream that threw goosebumps over my body. Scrambling from my bed I raced to the window.