FNAF group chat

FNAF1 (16)

Mike:
... Did you guys hear about the strip club massacre down the street?
Golden Freddy:
... Five strippers dead, right?
Mike:
LMAO, something like that. I kind of feel bad for them. Like, seriously.
Chica:
I have nothing against strippers, so same.
Foxy:
... We're dead ass kids. Why do we know what strippers are?
Bonnie:
Like... Chicken strips? How do you kill those?
Freddy:
... OH MY FUCKING GOD NO!
Bonnie:
WAIT! Strippers are the people who peel the strips off of the chickens to make the chicken strips, right? OH MY GOD! CHICKEN STRIPS ARE DELICIOUS! HOW COULD YOU KILL SUCH WONDERFUL PEOPLE!
Foxy:
BONNIE! HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID!
Bonnie:
... I'm confused. How am I stupid, and why can I hear Mike cackling from across the building? Did someone tell a joke?...
Chica:
You're the damn joke.
Golden Freddy:
A stripper or exotic dancer is a person whose occupation involves performing striptease in a public adult entertainment venue such as a strip club...
Bonnie:
... People dance while stripping chickens?
Freddy:
OH MY GOD! THEY STRIP THEIR CLOTHES OFF WHILE DANCING FOR ENTERTAINMENT! DAMN!
Bonnie:
... Oh, like my Aunt Cathy... Got it.
Mike:
FUCKING WHAT?
Bonnie:
Yeah. My Aunt Cathy would always talk about her job at McGluggon's Nightclub.
Chica:
... THEN HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT KNOW WHAT A STRIPPER WAS?
Bonnie:
My mom always just said Aunt Cathy was a disappointment, so... That's what I thought they were called. Oops.
Golden Freddy:
Your mom is a piece of shit.
Foxy:
Honestly.
Mike:
I wonder what your Aunt Cathy does now...
Bonnie:
I don't know... I haven't seen her since the week before I was murdered. She was in the middle of getting back into college to get her masters in nursing.
Foxy:
Good for her. I hope she succeeded.
Mike:
I'll go find her and tell you what she's up to.
Chica:
Mike... That's creepy. "I'm gonna go stalk a random lady because her dead ass nephew wants to know how she's doing."
Mike:
When you put it like that... Damn, I sound like I've lost my shit.
Freddy:
... You spend your nights eating cold, cheap pizza, sleeping in a broken office chair, and talking to dead kids in robots. You've obviously lost your shit.
Mike:
WHY ARE YOU ALL COMING AFTER ME TONIGHT? DAMN!
Golden Freddy:
Let's not forget that you traumatized your brother, before literally killing him.
Mike:
... Too far.
Golden Freddy:
... Good point. Sorry.
Bonnie:
... Actually, no. I have a question about that. Was it really murder, or was it manslaughter? Mike didn't mean to do it...
Mike:
... HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT MANSLAUGHTER IS, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT STRIPPERS ARE?
Golden Freddy:
Bonnie is just... Bonnie. Also, it was definitely manslaughter. The intention was to cause fear, not kill.
Mike:
Exactly. It was definitely a stupid idea, but I didn't know that damn animatronic was going to do... that.
Freddy:
... WAS THAT THE BITE OF 87?
Mike:
No... 83...
Chica:
What the actual fuck was the bite of 87 though?
Mike:
Guard got his frontal lobe removed... Basically a free lobotomy. At least, that's what I've heard.
Foxy:
I thought it was a kid.
Mike:
... I don't fucking know. I didn't pay attention.
Golden Freddy:
FREE LOBOTOMY! LMAO That's fucked up.
Mike:
I'M NOT WRONG!
Bonnie:
Lobotomy? Sounds like something that has to do with someone's ass. Like, bottom. So... Did an animatronic bite someone's ass?
Mike:
The FRONTAL LOBE of the BRAIN is NOT in the ASS!
Chica:
... Imagine if human's brains were in their asses. LMAO
Freddy:
Ew... Wouldn't that be dangerous? You can't sit for too long or you're gonna crush your brain.
Golden Freddy:
... Sometimes it seems like people's brains are in their asses because they're so full of shit.
Mike:
... That's fucking stupid, but true.
Bonnie:
... Mike, are you actually gonna find my aunt though?
Mike:
... Do you want me to?
Bonnie:
Please do. I was really close with her. I went and hid at her house for over a month when my mom was being a bitch.
Mike:
... You need therapy Bonnie.
Foxy:
You have no room to talk Michael Afton... The fact you have that last name just says enough.
Mike:
... I have a therapist... Thank you very much. LMAO
Chica:
That you haven't spoken to in six fucking months.
Mike:
I keep forgetting to message her. Oops. LMAO
Freddy:
We do all probably need therapy, but we'll never get it...
Mike:
I'll convince my therapist to come talk to you... Or I'll just end up convincing her that I need to be in an inpatient facility... LOL, we'll see.
Golden Freddy:
So... If you don't show up for a while, we'll know what happened.
Chica:
That is... IF HE REMEMBERS TO FUCKING MESSAGE HIS THERAPIST!
Mike:
SHUT UP!