Distractions

Forty-Three: Oranges are Hell

It's been a while. I never thought I'd be one of those authors who just disappears then reappears with a new chapter after months. But the last few months have been insane. With my personal life going to hell, my mental health spiraling, and my schedule becoming insane once again, it's been a shit show. But I managed to finish this chapter and I'm taking it as a win.

Trigger Warnings: Unhealthy coping skills (entire chapter), making out, character death, allusions to past abuse and abandonment, discussions of hallucinations, fighting, arguing

As they stepped through the Portal, the Institute loomed over them, dark and intimidating despite the number of its secrets Everest knew. She took a deep breath. The day had been too calm, even with the nightmare and the corpses still following her. There was no way it could last, and even if she ignored her skyrocketing anxiety, she still had a sinking feeling that everything would go to shit as soon as they walked inside.

Magnus squeezed her hand. She looked up at him, heard his silent question.

She nodded. It was a lie.

He smiled. It was worth it.

She could do this; she had to do this. She didn't have a choice. It would be fine. It wouldn't all go to shit as soon as she went inside. It'd be fine.

It had to.

She couldn't handle anything else.

Everest took another deep breath, squeezed Magnus's hand, and on her exhale, they walked inside, hand in hand and Everest lying to herself with every step.

It'd be fine. It'd be fine. It'd be fine.

It wasn't fine.

As soon as they walked in, the Ops Center went dead silent. Everest's already tight grip on Magnus's hand turned viper tight as she took even more deep breaths and tried not to yell. She hated being stared at like a zoo exhibit. It happened far too often in her life. It only got worse once she properly entered the ShadowWorld.

"Hell yeah, Latte Girl!" Noah and Mia screeched without warning, breaking the silence.

There were several chuckles and thumbs up as the Night Shift went back to what they were doing before she and Magnus walked in. It was one of the many things she loved about Night Shift: their ability to just roll with the punches. That, and the fact that none of them judged her caffeine intake, even encouraged it more often than not.

Using every shred of joyfulness she had left, Everest's free hand shot into the air, middle finger up, and tongue out. Noah and Mia cackled at their station, tripping over each other and the corpses they could not see.

"Love you too, Latte Girl," Mia called, words broken up by laughter.

"You're a fucking riot," Noah said, barely saving his coffee from spilling everywhere.

"I know," she said. Magnus's chest shook with laughter where she was leaning against him. "I'm just built different."

As the two stumbled to the ground with the force of their laughter, Everest and Magnus made their escape towards Alec's office. Everest's smile wavered for a moment before she forced it back into place. She couldn't let Magnus or Alec know that she was this broken, not when she told them she was fine. She couldn't let anyone know. She couldn't risk being sidelined when the ShadowWorld was in chaos. If that meant pushing down her breakdown until she was alone, then so be it. It wasn't the first time this happened; she could deal with it.

Alec's office was the only one occupied. He sat at his desk, staring intently at his tablet. A stray lock of hair fell into his eyes and Everest was overcome with the urge to brush it away. She blinked, a cartoon sound effect echoing in her head. That was such a fifteen year old thing for her to think. Why was—oh. Oh. She hadn't taken her meds. Of course her brain was a little funky. That made a lot more sense.