nothing new | b.e

Secrecy | 016

                                   Billie's POV

"Finneas, stop throwing food at me!" Carson groans.

Carson and I went out to eat with Finneas and Claudia, and I forgot how much they act like brother and sister.

"Can you stop irritating her for once?" Claudia nudges him.

"But it's fun." He laughs and keeps throwing food at her.

I wrap my arms around Carson's shoulders and pull her closer so she's further away from Finneas. "Leave my best friend alone." I tell him as I hug her and she laughs.

"Ugh, whatever." He sighs and goes back to eating his food. Carson scoots back to where she was originally sitting in the booth we're eating in.

"So, Carson," Claudia starts. "Finneas told me you have a girlfriend. Kassie, right?" She asks and Carson nods. "Tell me about her." She says.

"Um, well, we met in class and we were kind of friends for a little while and then we got closer and started dating. She's really sweet and I love her." She tells Claudia.

While she talks about Kassie, I try my hardest not to roll my eyes the whole time. I don't know why I'm jealous. She's my best friend and I want her to be happy.

You want her to be happy with you, don't you?

Ugh, shut the fuck up.

Wait, why am I literally talking to myself in my head?

"Aw, that's sweet. I'm happy for you, Car." Claudia says and Carson smiles.

"I'm just kind of worried about our relationship, to be honest. I'm nervous about the long distance, you know?" Carson says.

"Yeah, I get that." Claudia nods.

"Okay, can you guys talk to the both of us, too, now?" Finneas asks, gesturing to himself and to me.

"Finn, Claudia asked Carson a question so she was just telling her. It's not a big deal." I say to him.

He just shrugs. "I know, I'm just obsessed with Claudia." He says.

"Glad you're self aware." Carson laughs and he glares at her.

"Uh, Carson, have you told Kassie that you're worried about your relationship?" I ask her.

"No, why?" She furrows her eyebrows.

"Just curious. Shouldn't you tell her about that, though? I don't really know how long distance works so I could just be dumb." I laugh.

"Aw, I'm glad you finally realized that you're dumb." She pouts and boops my nose jokingly.

"Fuck you." I chuckle.

Finneas and Claudia look at each other and start laughing. "What's so funny?" I ask.

"Nothing." They both say and I roll my eyes. "Um, I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick." Claudia says.

"Yeah, actually, me too." I give her a an obvious fake smile and she sighs. We both leave Carson and Finneas at the table and walk to the bathroom together.

"Why are you and Finn giving each other shared looks? I know you two are up to some dumb shit." I whisper yell to Claudia.

"Nope, there's nothing." She shrugs.

"Claudia," I sigh. "I think I like Carson." I admit.

"I fucking knew it!" She gasps.

"You did?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's literally so obvious. You know Carson had, like, mad feelings for you when you guys were younger, right?" She says.

"What? No." I raise my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Yes, and you were completely oblivious to it because you were trapped with Brandon." She sighs.

I honestly should've noticed. I don't know how I didn't. But what am I supposed to do about this now? She has a girlfriend and those feelings are definitely long gone. I want to get over her, but I don't know how to. It's Carson.

My Carson.

Ugh, I need to stop this shit.

"Okay, that was a toxic relationship and I didn't see that sooner because I was just young and naive, so don't blame me for not noticing. I was a dumbass kid." I shrug.

Her green eyes flash me a glint of sympathy and I shrug it off. Everyone knows how hard that was for me and I regret that relationship every single day.

"I know, Bil. But you never know how she feels until you ask. I know she has a girlfriend, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for you. It's still always a possibility, B. You can never really get over your first love." She frowns.

"Yeah, but it's not like we dated." I say.

"True, but she really loved you, Billie. And she loves you now, romantically or not. You deserve to be happy." She places her hands on my shoulders and looks at me. "You can't ignore your feelings no matter how hard you try."

Claudia's right, but I don't want to do anything to ruin my friendship with Carson. I love her so much and I can't lose her.

"I'm not a home wrecker, though, and I don't want to be." I sigh.

"Billie, Carson herself said she's worried about her relationship which means she has doubts of it working out. To be honest with you, long distance relationships don't always end the way people want them to, so I wouldn't be surprised if they broke up. Don't give up, Bil." She gives me a comforting smile.

"Thanks, Claud." I say as I hug her.

"Of course. Now, I did actually come in here to go to the bathroom and not talk about your love life, so if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna do that now." She laughs as she pulls away from the hug.

"Okay, I'm gonna head back to the table." I tell her and she nods. I walk out of the bathroom and back over to where Carson and Finneas are sitting.

"What took you so long?" Carson chuckles as I sit back down beside her.

"Um... Claudia ran out of.. toilet paper." I say to come up with an excuse.

She just gives me a confused look, but nods and goes back to eating. Finneas mouths to me "What was that about?" and I shrug.

I can't talk about this, not now at least when Carson's here. I should take Claudia's advice and ask about it sometime, but now just isn't the right time.

I don't know when it ever will be.

a/n 🤍

are y'all noticing the parallels with their pov's? 👀

they're both dumb af

love youuuu