nothing new | b.e

Feelings are hard | 019

                                  Carson's POV

Billie and I almost kissed and I can't stop thinking about it. I know we agreed to let it go, but I can't. I feel like a shitty person for wanting it to actually happen because I have a girlfriend who I love.

I still can't help but feel for Billie. I love her, but at the same time, I just wish it was just as a friend.

Feelings are hard.

I've always been a sensitive person and confronting my feelings is hard for me. I'm always feeling like I'm not enough for someone all the time.

Billie always helped me with that when we were younger. She was always there when I needed her.

We're hanging out again today, and I'm nervous as hell. I just don't want things to be awkward.

iMessage:

                                       bil 💗

helloooo

imma be at ur place in
about 15 minutes
                                                                                    okayyy

                                                        u better not be texting
                                                                        while driving
whattt of course not
😬
                                                                                  BILLIE.
                                                                  get off the phone
fine mom 😒
                                                             i'm not ur mom 😐
sorry do you like
mommy better
                                                                    EVEN WORSE.
                                                   stop texting me dumbass
rude but fine ☹️

Irl:

I swear, this bitch drives me crazy.

I got up quickly to do my hair and makeup before she came because I look busted from crying myself to sleep last night because I watched a sad dog movie.

Animal movies are sad as shit don't play.

Anyway, I miss Kassie a lot. We still haven't talked in a while expect for a few texts. This is exactly what happened with Billie when I moved away, we made a plan to talk all the time, and then we never did. I really hope it doesn't end up that way again.

Billie knocks at my door and I get up from my couch to get it. I open it to see Billie with a big grin on her face which automatically puts a smile on my face as well. She's so cute.

I mean that platonically, of course..

"Hi, B!" I say to her as she walks inside.

"Hey, pretty." She smiles. Fuck, she needs to stop calling me this shit if I wanna get over her. "I bought you a coffee, Car." She tells me.

"You did?" I ask and she hands it to me. "Thank you, Bil." I say to her. "It's not problem." She says.

She still knows my order.

I need my brain to shut the fuck up.

"So, how's it going?" She asks.

"It's good, how about you?" I ask her as we sit down on the couch. "I'm doing alright." She replies. "Much better now that I'm hanging out with you now." She adds which makes me slightly blush.

"Cheesy, but okay." I laugh. "Oh yeah, so cheesy that I wanna hang out with my best friend." She crosses her arms and pouts.

"No pouting," I roll my eyes as I brush my thumb over her lip to get her to stop. Her face flushes and she turns away for a minute. "Stop turning away from me." I chuckle.

"No," She mumbles. "Aw, are you nervous?" I teasingly ask her. "Yeah, actually, I am." She says. "Not." She adds and I roll my eyes again.

"You're such a big baby." I scoff. "I'm not!" She frowns, crossing her arms again.

"Mhm, okay." I sarcastically say.

"I'm not, Carson." She groans.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." I shrug with a laugh. "It does help me sleep at night, so, thanks." She grins sarcastically.

"Can we watch a movie or something? I'm bored." She says. "Yeah, sure. Do you wanna watch it in my room so it's more comfortable than the couch?" I ask her and she nods. We get up and walk to my bedroom and we lay on my bed.

"What do you wanna watch, B?" I turn to her and she thinks for a minute. "Ferris Bueller's Day Off." She answers and I smile, knowing that's one of her favorites. "Alright." I nod and turn on the TV.

I play the movie and we both get under the blanket since my room is always so fucking cold for some reason.

I get a notification on my phone and furrow my brows as I go to see who it is.

iMessage:

kass <3

hi baby i'm so sorry i
havent texted you school
has been so fucking busy
that's okay my love i get it
thank you for understanding

how are you doing baby?
i'm okay :) how are you?
i'm doing pretty good

are you hanging out with
billie today LMAO
how did u know 😭
y'all are always hanging
out so i figured u were HAHA

i'm so happy you guys are
friends again i could tell
you missed her 🫶🏻
me too i'm so glad
i have to get back to work
but i love you so so much
i love you more <3

Irl:

A smile spreads across my face as I put my phone down. I missed her a lot.

"What are you smiling at?" Billie laughs.

"Oh, Kassie just texted me." I answer and her smile fades a little bit. Weird.

"Oh, okay." She nods before turning back to the screen. I feel like she doesn't like Kassie for some reason? I don't know why, though.

Before we know it, we're both fast asleep. We were both pretty tired, I guess.

~

I wake up to see Billie has me held close to her with her arms wrapped tightly around my waist as she sleeps. Her lips are slightly pouted, her cheeks are red and her chest slowly rises and falls every few seconds as she breathes. She's seriously so beautiful when she sleeps. I can't stand it.

I wrap my arms around her neck and I rub her head as she sleeps since she likes that from what I remember. We used to cuddle all the time when we were younger, but isn't it different now that I have a girlfriend? I don't know, but part of me can't stop it.

I place a kiss on her forehead while she stays asleep, holding me.

I don't think I'm ever getting over her.

a/n 🤍

the heart wants what it wants carson 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

kassie is great but like ITS BILLIE.

anyways how are y'all doing??

love youuuu