Sins of the Rebels (Lush Trans Series #1)

Chapter 7

I wrote the courses for the second semester starting next week on my daily planner notebook:

-Building and enhancing new literacies across the curriculum.

-Curriculum and assessment for physical education and health education.

-Research 1.

-Applied motor control and learning of exercise, sports and dance.

-Coordinated school health program.

-World literature.

-Environmental science.

"Ganda ng penmanship, ah?" Puna ni Serena na pinapanood ang ginagawa ko. I clearly remembered their reaction when they found out that I was molested by Sir Avellana. I couldn't keep it a secret for too long, I just waited for my mental health to be at peace. Lalo pa at sa tuwing may mga lalakeng lumalapit sa akin o hinahawakan ako ay bigla akong natataranta at nababahala.

Napapansin nila 'yon at nagugulohan sila sa akin kung bakit ganun nalang ang reaksyon ko. Vienne kept her mouth shut. She respected me and waited for me to tell them the reason, hindi niya ako pinangunahan. Hirap na hirap akong dedmahin ang nangyari. Ang hirap... kalimutan.

"Mas maganda ako, loka ka."

"Bitch..." Ngiwi niya bago hinawi ang kanyang bangs.

"Huwag umimik ang walang pasalubong," Tuya ko kaya tumalim ang mga mata niya. Umangat ang sulok ng labi ko. She minded her own business so I averted my eyes.

My eyesight concentrated on my planner. I remember feeling guilty for being okay with it while telling them, Serena cried because of anger and disappointment. Cleo and Seanie were left speechless and shocked. Vienne was there to support me emotionally. I understand them, I kept it a secret for too long.

Humigpit ang hawak ko sa ballpen na hawak.

Sir Avellana...

I remembered staring up at him, my predator, while he was on top of me, feasting my skin and chest, as he dry-humped above my bare stomach. And I whimpered all through it and begged him to stop.

He covered my mouth with his big hand, to stop me from begging. I hoped someone would barge inside the locker room and stop him. But my heart sank, slowly giving up, feeling defeated since he locked the door, no one would actually notice. His merciless dry hump as he nibbled my chest, leaving red marks on my skin gave me the most traumatic experience in my entire life.

A very brief moment of relief when Eros yanked him out of me and the cold air touched my chest before losing consciousness. For a month, I feel like I have lost all control over life. I feel like even the most basic decisions are difficult to make just to get that memory out of my mind and forget that situation. I feel invaded, I feel like everyone knows that I was molested or can tell by just looking at me. I feel afraid of everything and worry about carrying that fear for the rest of my life.

Sir Avellana did things he knew I would not have willingly done. I didn't want that to happen at all. That memory randomly hits me and I break down fucking randomly. Nandidiri rin ako sa sarili ko, I voluntarily went with him all because he said he had my phone.

The details of how it happened are so painful to think about that I don't even admit to myself. The guilt of I should have done this and that and so it wouldn't have happened.

I should've said that he could just get my phone inside the locker without me, going with him, since I was in a hurry because my last class was just about to start.