Buffy the Vampire Slayer Preferences + imagines/one shots

Vamp Will - Doppelgangland pt2

part 2 as requested !! 

"I'm a homosexual!" 

I stare at the dismayed blonde girl on the screen, at her perfect hair and her wide eyes. The VHS slightly glitches the second time she says it, her voice dragging out the last word, as if to mock me. 

When she says the declaration for the third time, I lunge forward and switch off the tv set, scared someone downstairs might hear (although I've been watching it at the quietest volume that's still audible). I stare at the blank screen. I can't watch anymore of that. 

Larry is so full of shit. This movie doesn't make me feel better about anything - I don't feel "seen" or "understood". I feel just the same as I did before the opening credits - confused (and frustrated). I take the VHS out and shove it bitterly into its well-loved sleeve. At least it helped Larry. 

But me? I can't tell what I feel. All I know for certain is that Willow won't leave my stupid mind. She's everywhere, all the time and it's exhausting. I haven't had a proper conversation with her since a vampire version of herself came to Sunnydale and I had to pretend to love her. What would I even say?

"Hey Willow, sorry that the whole school thinks we're dating!"

"Hi Will, is Angel right in saying that Vampire Willow is actually very similar to regular Willow?"

"Willow, how did you feel about the whole thing?"

I  feel like my head is going to explode. 

Like, I like her. A lot. Of course, I do, we've been friends forever. But ever since I kissed the version of her from another reality (who was super into me, may I add) I've been wondering whether there is something more there. I love her, but I'm not in  love with her. Right? 

And if I was... if I did have feelings for her, where would I go from there? Willow is straight and, let's be honest, way too good for me. 

I've had the weekend to deliberate, but tomorrow, I won't be able to avoid it...

She's sitting on the brown, leather sofas in the hallway with Xander when I arrive at school. He's got his arm slung over the back of the seat, behind her head and they're giggling about something. I ignore the stab of jealousy and approach with a too-wide smile plastered on my face. 

"Hey guys!"

"Hey!" Xander replies and says something I don't catch because I'm looking at Willow and she's looking at me and it's just as terrible as I imagined.

Her expression is apprehensive, her cheeks starting to flush with blush and she's worrying her lip between her teeth. 

"Will." I say in greeting and after a moment she manages to nod. 

Xander looks slowly from me to Willow and springs up from his seat. "Well, I'll see you guys later," he gestures to us, "Hopefully you can clear the air before lunch." 

I watch him hop away and curse him for being so cowardly - saving himself before the real awkwardness sets in. It's too late to run away so I bravely take a seat next to her, although I'm not quite brave enough to look her in the eye. 

"Hey." she says quietly and I actually hear her swallow nervously. 

"Hi."

I want to get everything out in the open. I can't think of anything worse than things being weird between us. But she speaks first.

"I'm really sorry they made you do that. It must have... not been a - a thing you wanted to do, at all. If - if you need us to spend some time apart, I totally get it, you know? I can't be your favourite person to h-hang around with right now. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

Then I mutter fuck under my breath because it's all over. I'm completely and utterly fucked. In that moment, the smoke clears and I know for a certain fact that I am embarrassingly and unequivocally in love with her. 

I have been for fucking years. 

It all makes perfect, horrifying, body-numbing sense.

I feel violently ill. 

How dare she assume that she's making me uncomfortable? She's too fucking sweet to think she should be the one taking action, trying to make me feel better. 

"God, Willow. Come on, I'm the one who should be apologising." She opens her mouth to protest so I cram in all my words before she can, my heart hammering. "I know it was only acting but I can see how it would make you feel. I mean, it wasn't real but it did feel real so it must have been weird for you. I mean - not that I didn't like it or anything, you're super great and beautiful and any girl - I mean... person - would be lucky to have you but... sorry, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

I've not seen this kind of warmth in her eyes before. Okay, maybe when she's looking at puppies in pet shop windows or taking homemade cookies out of the oven (fuck, I love her) but directed at me? Never. 

Her mouth stays a straight line but she's anything but stern. 

"You think I'm beautiful?" Her voice is hopeful and I'm sort of upset she has to ask the question. 

"Of course, Will."

"And you found her attractive?"

"I - I mean... yes. But she's nothing compared to you."

"She was me, just prettier."

"She is nothing compared to you." I reiterate and I yelp as she pushes me back into the sofa and kisses me hard and soft. I gasp and she pulls back so quick, I hear the air around her hair whoosh. 

"Oh my gosh. I wasn't thinking." Her eyes are wide and her voice is shaking, like she's so scared she's ruined everything. 

The only way I can think to tell her that it's all okay is to kiss her again. 

She's beetroot red when we part. 

"I thought you liked that version of me more than the real me." Willow whispers, "I mean, I'd understand."

"Will," I whisper back, "I like you."

"Not her?"

"Will."

She laughs and the sound is beautiful. 

"So..." I whisper. I don't know why we're whispering. "Do you... like... me?"

She tilts her head to the side and her mouth parts slightly. She gives me a look that says of course I do, you moron, which I think is quite rich coming after the clumsy conversation we just had. I smile, nevertheless. 

She leans back and looks around us. The hall is deserted. Will realises it at the same time I do and her eyes widen, "The bell must have gone! We're gonna be late for first period!"

She starts off down the hall, seems to remember I exist, and turns back. "Well, come on!"

She takes my hand and she drags me as quickly as she can to Chemistry.

That's my Willow. 

<3